Do You Take It?

So barely work safe, it's not actually work safe.

Double Happiness

Oh... Oh my.
The seventh seal has been opened. Pre-order your own copy now.

New Lewis

Nate was born at 10:34 on 12/22. Manda's water broke the night before at about 6:30, and we went to the hospital at about 8:30. We've got pictures up at Walgreens (you'll need to make an account there to see them). There's one picture of him on the scale right after delivery showing him weighing 7 pounds, two ounces. Later, while up in the nursery, the nurse was checking him out, and asked me if he was close to nine pounds, because he felt so heavy. I told her what the scale said he weighed, so she weighed him again, and he was 8 pounds 5 ounces. So that picture is pretty funny now.

I Believe the Phrase is "Huzzah!"

Brain Can Repair Alcohol's Damage

Catch Me Ridin' Dirrrrrty............

Mainly I posted because I just couldn't stand to see "Malted Vomit" on top of this blog any more. I couldn't help but conjure a visual image of what that must look like, and it just made me ill.

Oh, and as part of my current project, my team is conducting "user observations". The goal is to watch cops do their job in the field and then come into the precinct house, to see how, when, where, and why they would use the tool we're developing for them.

So, Thursday, I will spend the day roaming with New York's Finest as they patrol in the territory of "The 7-9", reputedly NYC's toughest (aka most crime-ridden) precinct. The 79th Precinct encompasses a 1.2 square mile patch of land in north Brooklyn that is more popularly known as Bedford Stuyvesant, or "Bed-Stuy". Among Bed-Stuy's notable alumni are Jay-Z, Notorious BIG, Big Daddy Kane, Mos Def...and Lil' Kim.

Will report back (possibly with pics, if the cops allow me to take them).

Oh, and I'm getting outfitted with Kevlar for this particular mission. Sh-weeetttt.

Malted Vomit...

...or, why I (heart) XM...

Because how else would I hear Guttermouth on my way to work in the morning?

Great Article

About my college cross country coach.

Spot on.

FYI - There is a great deal of profanity, as would be expected in the City Paper and from Matt.

Please Pen the Goose...

Today, I watched the Bears-Vikings game on Fox, featuring the broadcasting trio of Dick "Hair Plug " Stockton, Daryl "Moose" Johnston, and Tony "The Big Fat Stupid Idiot" Siragusa. Now, I like Stockton despite his awful hair plugs, Moose is a surprisingly good broacaster and will always have a warm spot in my heart due to his tenure as a Cowboy, but I CAN'T STAND Tony Siragusa.

Has there ever been a sideline reporter given to more idiotic utterances than Siragusa? Can Fox not see that he is an awful "reporter"? It seems that instead, they're giving himself more rope to hang himself. Today, it appeared that they gave him an open mic on the sideline. He frequently interrupted Stockton and Johnston with random utterances like, "Yeah, I'm here, I'm here" or "I'm like an icecube." He was obviously talking to other people on the sidelines, not paying attention to the fact that his mic was on. It became first distracting, then annoying, then downright painful.

Please, Fox, pull the plug on the Goose, before I'm forced to watch crappy AFC football on CBS.

VW Rocks, But Will I?

So in anticipation of my new job* starting in a couple weeks (and the impending non-public transportation friendly commute) I purchased a car this weekend. It is a Volkswagen. And if you have been watching television, you know that I inadvertantly purchased this as well.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do with this.

I could donate it somewhere, I suppose. I could also try to sell it on ebay. Or, at age 31, with no prior musical training in any instrument nor any known inclination towards music, I could try to learn how to play it. Of course, since my amp will be my car, practicing in my complex will be a little awkward.

I have 8-10 weeks to figure this out. If anyone has any other ideas, please feel free to let me know.

*The new job is pending a background check and drug test. However, if I fail the background check, let's just say that not only I but the FBI will have some serious questions about how the check was conducted. So, on 12/11, I should be joining BP America.

To my friends at Thanksgiving...

I don't usually go in for this kind of sappy crap. But what the hell...

If you think about the ups and downs, and how things have changed and/or stayed the same (yes, someone should still slap chapin)... we, as a group, have much to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving guys,

--M

Josh: Email me

mrsnyder@syr.edu

thank you sir,

--M

Two A-holes Go to Home Depot....

During our recent spate of home improvement projects, we've spent a lot of time at the Home Depot paint desk.

In all this time, across all of these rooms, I've arrived at the Home Depot paint desk prepared. This means arriving knowing the following:

1. Brand -- Behr.
2. Color and Number -- "Polar Bear", #1875.
3. Finish -- Satin Enamel.
4. Amount: One Gallon.

There's nothing I hate more than people who arrive at the paint desk unprepared. Like last night's couple. They easily weighed 600 pounds combined, dressed poorly, and were barely groomed. And they behaved just like a couple in a recent series of Saturday Night Live sketches, titled, "Two A-Holes...." Well, last night, two A-Holes went to Home Depot.

Despite not being in line at all, the male half of this hideous pair, back hair sprouting from his shirt opening, interrupted me to ask the paint guy, "Uh, can I get a gallon. I think it's called Cougar Brown. I, uh, saw it on the wall over there."

Paint Desk Employee: "I'm not aware of any color named that under any of the brands we sell here." (Glidden, Behr, Ralph Lauren, Disney) "Are you sure that's what it was called?"

Hairy Idiot: "Yeah, like I said, we saw it on the wall over there."

Paint Desk Employee: "Well, let me check".....afer checking....."Sir, there's no Cougar Brown in our system."

Hairy Idiot: "Babe -- it was Cougar Brown, right?"

Idiot's Wife: "Yeah."

Paint Desk Employee: "Well, sir, like I say, it's not in our system."

Hairy Idiot: "Babe -- call your sister, ask her what it was."

Idiot's Wife: After calling sister on cell phone -- "It was Benjamin Moore paint."

At this point the couple walked away...why?

Because Home Depot here in Connecticut (and probably everywhere else) DOES NOT CARRY Benjamin Moore paint. So it was impossible for them to have "...seen it on the wall...."

15 minutes of my life, I'll never get back, thanks to those 2 A-Holes.

Just Say No to Bank of America Visa Credit Cards

I share this story with you in the hopes that I can start an online revolution here that will lead millions of Bank of America Visa credit card holders to cut up those cards.

Once upon a time, I held an MBNA Visa card. And all was well. My account rarely, if ever, had problems.

But then one day, Bank of America bought MBNA. Changes were coming, they said, but I figured all was well because I think I'm a very adaptable person.

Without asking, Bank of America sent me a Bank of America Visa card to replace my MBNA card. They said it was because some of our personal information may have been stolen. I hadn't heard about that, but ok I said. And it wasn't a big deal - though I think Bank of America just wanted to brand all their new customers' credit cards.

A few days later, I tried to pay my bill on-line through the new Bank of America web site. Except I couldn't because the web site was down. Customer service did take my payment over the phone without charging me a service fee. That was the right thing to do.

Then one day I received an automated phone call telling me that there was some questionable activity on my account. I didn't know if my wife had made the charges in question so I had to check. The nice customer service person said just call him back and let him know.

Now, the customer service guy may have - maybe even probably - told me that my account would have a hold on it until I called back. But that message didn't get through to me. My wife indeed had made the charges but I did not call back that night.

It's not such a big deal, but when you have your credit card turned down at Quiznos, you wonder what's going on. So I logged on, but my account information was not accessible because of the hold. I was directed to go to a website where I could resolve the issues online. Except it was not operational.

So I called customer service and was put on hold...for 30 minutes. Customer service was in the midst of fixing my problem when I was disconnected.

So I called back and waited for another 30 minutes.

It takes a lot for me to get upsetwith customer service. I know they are trying their best and it was Bank of America's fault not theirs. I kept my cool.

Today, my Bank of America credit card was turned down at a grocery store. I had received no call about questionable activity and I had just paid my bill. There should be no problems.

I logged on and once again my account was on a hold -a service I did not request nor do I want if it is going to do this. Once again the fraud protection website was not operational. And as I type this, I have been on hold for 75 minutes and counting.

75 MINUTES!

If you have a Bank of America Visa Card, I urge you, like I will do, to find a new company to get a Visa card from. And I can't wait in a week or two, with my new card in hand, to wait through 75 minutes on hold just to cancel my Bank of America card with extreme prejudice.

F you, Bank of America.

New York, New York...

This week commenced my first official week as part of a new team permanently stationed in New York and working for New York's Finest...though, I've been working there on and off for the last few weeks while also spending time in DC wrapping up business.

NYPD headquarters, where I work, is located just northwest of the Brooklyn Bridge and the South Street Seaport. Which means that on a nice day...and 2 of the last 3 have been nice...one can grab a slice of pizza or a hot dog from a vendor, sit on a bench, and admire a great view of the Brooklyn Bridge, the East River (which is not really a river but a tidal strait), and the Brooklyn and Manhattan skylines. I can't tell you how much this rules over sitting in a characterless suburban office park somewhere outside of Washington, DC. God damn, I missed working in the city!

I will say, though, that compared with the NYC subway, DC's Metro is an absolute beauty. The subway is crowded all of the time, the stations are cramped, and I'd like to ask the transit authority who had the bright idea of making the entry and exit aisles the same?! It doesn't make for the most efficient flow of humanity.

I also had lunch with Mr. Matt Geller, attorney at law. He is doing quite well and was full of entertaining stories of miscreants and mishaps at the Fire Department. I look forward to hanging out with Geller more often now that we're in the same geographic region.

Finally, Audrey had her latest "well baby" check this afternoon, and she passed with flying colors. She's now something like 75th percentile for weight and 90th percentile for height. The respective figures 4 weeks ago were 25th and 50th, so this is a huge improvement.

Pics can be found at http://audrey.phanfare.com. I updated it last night, so you can check out Halloween at Casa de Chapin, and other such fine events..............

Geller's contact info...

Would anyone who has Matt Geller's contact info please send it to me in an e-mail? I have his business card somewhere, but it went into a box when I moved my stuff to CT in August, and now I'm not sure which box it's in. Now that I work within walking distance of the Brooklyn Bridge, I'd love to get in touch with him....

At Long Last...

...I'm sorry to knock Chris' post off the top, because I also think Departed is awesome and well-worth the price of a ticket, but...

I FINALLY HAVE A JOB IN NEW YORK!

I will be working on a long-term engagement with the NYPD for my current employer. 16 months, $5M, with options running out to five years. And, I will be leading a large chunk of the work. Oh, sweet relief!

I will begin on Monday, but will be back to DC at least once or twice in the next two weeks to wrap up my professional responsibilities in DC.

The next phase begins................

Must See Movie

I don't normally recommend movies to people - mostly because I really don't go to see too many movies - but for this crowd, The Departed is a must see. Great action, great one-liners. Recommend against taking your kids.

Go see it.

What Have You Done, YellowFever?

Have you broken the heart of some Guangdong warlord's daughter? Cause they're looking for you.

The Assassination Game Grows Up...

Check out this article. The Assassination Game is now being played on the streets of New York. Awesome.

In other news, no baby yet. Argh.

Minor Modification

There is to be a shindig in my honor on Friday night from 7 PM to 9 PM. (Those local to DC will be receiving emails shortly.) What say you? Drinking after 9? Or drinking on Saturday? Either way, Nanny's is the current selection. I am open to suggestion/ridicule/advice.

Of Logical Fallacies and Lazy Reporting

[Sorry for the long post – important info that Josh is coming to town is below.]

If there is one aspect of newspaper reporting that is almost always wrong, it is linking campaign contributions to legislative actions. And this story on the front page of the Post today does it once again.

Short version of the story: Members of Congress sponsor legislation suspending tariffs on certain imported goods. The beneficiaries of these suspensions are rarely identified, and the suspensions themselves rarely gain public notice.

Here’s the paragraph that riled me:

“Lawmakers usually introduce the provisions at the behest of companies in their districts. Many of those companies and their executives have given federal campaign contributions totaling millions of dollars.”

Well, if this isn’t a case of the logical fallacy “correlation implies causality”, I don’t know what is.

Basically, the reporter is arguing that because the companies and executives have given federal campaign contributions, the lawmakers introduced the tariff suspension bills. Do you think there could be another reason? I do. And it’s right in the same paragraph – “companies in their districts.”

Now I know there are jerkasses who might introduce legislation in return for campaign contributions. But, in my experience, the driver of an action like the one described in the article is almost always helping a constituent(s).

In fact, in each case cited in the article, a lawmaker is acting on behalf of a constituent company (even if it is ultimately owned by a foreign corporation). Show me an example of a lawmaker acting for no other reason than campaign contributions, then including campaign contribution data becomes relevant.

Including the above sentence and further data about campaign contributions in this article is not only a logical fallacy, but it’s lazy reporting that shows a reporter or his editor falling back on their own biases about how and why legislation is introduced and passed. It’s weak and should be called out.

One other thought: the more interesting article would have been about how long these tariffs that are being suspended have been in place and whether the rationale for imposing them in the first place still exists. I remember on the Hill working on an issue related to steel tariffs, some of which had been around since the early 90s. And the rationale for the imposition of some of those tariffs just no longer existed. But the tariffs were still there because tariffs and duties just rarely go away. I can only imagine how long and why some of the tariffs were in place that were cited in the article.

But when you’re busy impugning the motives of big corporations and Members of Congress, that kind of information just gets in the way.

Drinky Poo

I'm in town the weekend of the 29th through the 1st. Drinking Friday night?

Speaking of looking fetching...

I don't. But she does.

Happy Anniversary...

...to Matt Lewis, who 5 years ago today received a job offer from his employer. He still works there today!

... plus which, it enabled Matt and Amanda to support my unemployment for what turned out to be another 3 months with many meals of beef stroganoff and chicken parmigiana and other Atkins-friendly meals.

Oh, and to my roommate, Zesty, who put up with me, and Cherie, and having Matt sleeping on the floor, all summer long.

Here's to you, boys.

Why Snyder, You Look Fetching...

...in the photo of you in the Class Notes section of the latest American Magazine.

And in other Class Notes news, the Bad Captain is sure to have his heart broken by the knowledge that Jenny Sublett is now Jenny Sublett Gavito.

Chaps

Your email is bouncing. WTF, mate?

Crocodile Hunter, RIP

Killed by stingray.

Does anyone know AU alum Michael Benny?

He's now a reporter with our local CBS affiliate.

e-mail me if you have knowledge of him...

Thanks.

Confirmed.

The bastard called me about it. Keiper insisted on photographic evidence. I present the following:

Exit polls indicate that...

...Stanley may have got hisself married in the last few days.

We'll update as the official returns come in.

Unmitigated spam (leavened with hostility)

Anybody want a CR-V?

I know, I know... all of you who've ever spent any time in ours have felt compelled to go out and buy one of your own. It must say something about what nice, capable, fuel-efficient vehicles they are.

In any case, ours is on the way out, to be replaced by a big goddamn evil fuel-sucking Chevy Suburban (with real cow interior and baby seal eye headlights). Reason? I can't haul enough decoys, guns, boats, or dogs in the CR-V to wreak the kind of havoc and mayhem I'd like to on the east coast waterfowl population. Plus the bloodstains come out of the stain-resistant, pewter-grey interior way too easy, I want something that really shows off the scarlet hues and chunks of viscera.

Any bleeding heart limpdicks that don't like my choice of vehicles or pursuits can kiss my ass.

NO, seriously, kiss it. Now.

The rest of you, take a look at this -- 2002 EX (the loaded model with all wheel drive, side air bags, traction control, keyless, sunroof, and all the other safety and comfort goodies). It's got 50K on it, new tires, in good shape, and for those who care, has lots of room for baby seats and groceries, strollers, and diaper bags. They sell locally for $15-18K, I've got it listed for $15,500, but I'll take less and deliver to DC for someone I know -- if you know anyone that wants one, lemme know.

Pardon the unmitigated spam. Now back to our regularly scheduled rage.

Freegans

I first read an article about "freegans" when I was in Colorado this summer. I had blocked it out until now. Thank you, Washington Post.

Heh.

The latest absurdity....

The (few) readers of this blog know that I work for a large consulting firm. It shall remain nameless during this post. You also know that from time to time, I encounter absurd and incompetent behaviors that I must share with you.

So it is today. I currently work on a project where my firm actually has two teams working on different contracts supporting two clients who play different, sometimes competing, sometimes antagonistic roles on this project.

The team I am NOT on produces a list of certain information that is updated on approximately a monthly basis -- some times it's updated more frequently. Every month, the same information gets updated in the same way. Somehow, when this other team tries to update its list, it always gets the list wrong. And I mean always -- since I took over the team lead role 9 months ago, it's never, ever been right.

Late last week, the latest list update came out...and was wrong. In a number of places. In a number of ways.

The role I play on this project requires me to look out for certain government interest -- including making sure that this list is done correctly.

So, yesterday, I was approximately the third person to point out to a government manager that the list was wrong -- for the 15th time in a row.

Last night, I got an e-mail from a manager on the other consulting firm team, complaining about my actions, telling me that I'd put them "on the defensive with the client".

I called this manager and said, "No. I didn't put you on the defensive. First of all, two government personnel reported this problem and complained about it before I got around to it. Second, your own actions put you on the defensive. What put you on the defensive is the fact that your team has had nearly a year to get this process down, and its product right, and it hasn't. As a result, you and your team have created a reputational problem for yourselves and the firm. The government believes that you do not exercise quality control over your products. And judging by the result, I would have to agree with them. Please, next time, don't shoot the messenger. Look to yourself before you come after me."

I hate incompetence.

Second String

Look, you drunk bastards. I'm tired of having to wait for you crazy kids to visit San Diego for some proper drinking. So, I found a new drinking buddy. I actually had to sit him down this evening and explain, "Look. This means you may have to back me up, even if I yell, 'Cock!' for no apparent reason." His response? "You're on! I haven't had the buddies out here to do that for, and I need someone for crissakes. Otherwise, my drunken lies are useless."

Let me know the next time your useless asses are out here. I'll introduce you to my new drinking buddy. I assure you: Caleb would be proud.

Clawed?

Hey, "Clawed":

In the words of Shooter Flatch: "Identify!"

Thank you.

I have just one question...

Why is any studio still giving the Wayans brothers any money to make movies?

Jefferson and Congress Suffer Stinging Rebuke....

U.S. District Court Chief Judge Thomas Hogan issued a strongly worded denial of US Rep. William Jefferson's motion to return the property seized earlier this summer by the FBI in its search of his office.

Some highlights: Hogan rebuffs Congress' amicus curiae ("friend of the court") argument that the FBI's actions violated the Speech and Debate clause of the Constitution, writing that the amicus argument "contorts" the policies behind it; Hogan also writes that the principle of Separation of Powers is not threatened by the FBI's actions but by "...the position that the Legislative Branch enjoys the unilateral and unreviewable power to invoke an absolute privilege, thus making it immune from the ordinary criminal process of a validly issued search warrant."

Finally, Hogan concludes that Rep. Jefferson's argument "...would have the effect of converting every congressional office into a taxpayer-subsidized sanctuary for crime."

Ouch. Justice 1, Jefferson -5.

So you think your kung fu's pretty good, eh?

Just got done watching Shaolin Soccer. It is the counter-point to Gymkata's point. Seriously. They apply martial arts to sports. It's like Gymkata in reverse. Although, to be fair, Shaolin Soccer doesn't take itself seriously like Gymkata does. But there is pommel horsing with the soccer ball. Soccer in China is much more exciting than it is in the rest of the world.

If you liked Gymkata, you'll love Shaolin Soccer. Oh, and...I want to fight your brother...him, against me...let's kung fu!

The Hidden Benefits of Moving

So, I've started to go through my crap as Susan and I get ready to move to Chicago. Found some interesting stuff tonight.

Nothing more interesting than my AU yearbook. I'm not sure that I ever went through that thing. But I did tonight. Interesting. Especially what I reproduce for you below - an interview with one Brian Chapin, Speaker.

What are the most serious issues facing the AU student community?

The two most serious issues facing our community are a lack of communication between segments of our community and a fundamental lack of institutions around which to build pride among the student body.

What have you done to address these issues?

We provide a forum for students to voice concerns. Furthermore,we attempt to ensure that the programming done by student government fosters communication between students and brings them together.

What had been the highlight of your term, and why?

Transforming the General Assembly from a place dominated by pettiness into a Legislature that serves students' interests.

What are your long term goals?

I'd like to attend law school and become a prosecutor. Eventually, I'd like to participate in a process that re-thinks the philosophy behind our system of corrections.

----

There is also a picture of Brian in action as speaker - I didn't know he had to wear a suit and tie to the "Legislature" - and a message from him on the facing page, signed Brian Chapin, Speaker Emeritus.

Emeritus!?!

Now This is Comedy

The number one link on Google when searching for "joe weinberg" is this: Joseph Weinberg & Associates: ReDefining Masculinity.

"Bra-Man" the Comic

Yeah, you read it right. It really makes me chuckle in a sophomoric (44th Street-ic?) way. (Link is actually safe for work, believe it or not.)

Minister of Intolerance...

...send me your current e-mail address to brian.chapin@bearingpoint.com.

And Neal Sharma? Are you kidding me? I love Neal, but being the CEO of another internet startup (let alone Kansas City's 29th-fastest growing company) hardly qualifies one to be on the board of trustees. I mean, I am the CEO of My Ass, but I'm not applying for Board membership.

But, he excels at self-promotion, and this is just the latest example.

This Just In...

Neal Sharma has been appointed to the AU Board of Trustees. Shouldn't there be an age requirement for this board? What the hell is the purpose of this board, anyway?

Beer? Check. Coffee? Check.

My friends, we are saved.

"Consuming coffee seems to have some protective benefits against alcoholic cirrhosis, and the more coffee a person consumes the less risk they seem to have of being hospitalised or dying of alcoholic cirrhosis," says Arthur Klatsky at Kaiser Permanente Medical Care Programme in Oakland, California, US, who led the study. . . .

People drinking one cup of coffee per day were, on average, 20% less likely to develop alcoholic cirrhosis. For people drinking two or three cups the reduction was 40%, and for those drinking four or more cups of coffee a day the reduction in risk was 80%.

Boo. Ya.

World Cup

I am, at best, a casual fan of soccer. So, I throw it out to the soccer experts out there - was the shellacking yesterday of the U.S. by the Czechs as complete as it seemed to me? Just curious.

By the way, I'd call the two hours of my time that I invested in watching the game "two hours I'll never get back" but I was at work so I really can't complain.

Zesty, oh, Zesty...

...why have you not updated your blog in nearly 2 months?

In other news, Ben Roethlisberger is an idiot. He has a 6-year contract worth $22.3M, plus another $17.7M available in incentive bonuses, and he CHOOSES NOT TO WEAR A MOTORCYCLE HELMET?????

He should just start mailing me his money in FedEx envelopes. He obviously doesn't care enough about keeping it, or his life.

I know how to fix it...

The way to solve this with Sen Grassley and the AU Board of Trustees is to have him and the chairman play a game of rock, paper, scissors.

Pure genius.

Will This Ever End?

The continuing "fallout" from the Ladner saga.

Today's U.S. Senators walk in the footsteps of giants. Few will ever be considered giants themselves. The debate is over for Charles Grassley. It is truly astounding that one person - even a U.S. Senator - could have such an inflated view of his self-importance to propose federal legislation to change the Board of Trustees at one university. I can't be certain, but I don't think Henry Clay or Daniel Webster would have done that.

Beyond that, AU would do well to start communicating better to the school's stakeholders - and here I am thinking about alumni - about what it is doing to move past this story. Glad to see they've made changes to the board. Thanks for making me read about it in the Post. They still have a long way to go.

Marginal Connection to Temporarily Sort Of Famous People

Here's an update on some people that I can barely claim to be affiliated with:

1. You may have noticed that the winner of the National Spelling Bee was named Katharine Close. So, Chris, you may ask, are you related to her? Turns out I am. She is my third cousin - at least that's how I think it works out. Our fathers are first cousins. And for a better frame of reference for anyone at my wedding, she is the niece of Fr. Fred Close, who married Susan and me. Of course, I'm talking about marginal connections here and I haven't met her or her parents before.

2. Have you seen The Break Up? Nope, neither have I. Maybe 50-50 that I will. But a guy I went to high school with, Jay Lavender, was one of the writers (that's why it's 50-50 I'll actually go see it, normally it's 20-80 against). Jay was a good guy, and it's good to see him doing well. Again, it's a marginal connection at best - haven't seen him in years.

So that's that.

Beer? Not the place to look for vitamins?

... That's un-possible!

I do, vaguely, remember something about a tradition of big yellow vitamins at 4319.

This is the next phase of the (r)evolution.

http://http://www.beveragebusiness.com/bbcontent/art98/ponti0606B.html

The first rule...

Fight club draws techies for bloody underground beatdowns

How can these guys mess up the first rule so horribly?

"Real-life fight clubs are the male version of the girls who cut themselves," he said. "All day long these guys think they're the captains of the universe, technical wizards. They're brilliant but empty.

"They want to feel differently. They want to get hit, they want to feel something real."

I don't know if it's the same as chicks cutting themselves. I can say that delivering and receiving a beating (though we take care to avoid injuries like broken bones and don't strike to the head) can be good fun, and a good release of stress.

My BS alarm starts ringing when people talk about "feel[ing] something real." Seriously, WFT is that all about?

15 starters, 22 lettermen, looking tough...

Those of us who lived at 4319 44th Street have fond memories of the Richard Linklater film, "Dazed and Confused". The Criterion Collection, a high-end DVD retailer that creates special editions of what it considers to be "important" or "significant" films, has given our favorite film the super-duper Special Edition treatment.

You can find the review here.

You best believe I will be finding my way to a Best Buy to purchase this soon....

The best thing Josh Cheshire ever did...

...was to point out the existence of this:

http://www.fm949sd.com/listen/index.cfm

The Dustup on Capitol Hill

No one may care about this, but it's been pissing me off all day.

I've seen some disasters in my time, but this one just takes the cake. Having worked there (and acknowledging that it could be considered that I have a law enforcement bias now), the reaction to the "raid" on Congressman Jefferson's office is downright embarrassing.

Never mind that the Congressman has apparently been recorded on tape accepting a $100,000 bribe, never mind that $90,000 of that was found in his freezer, and never mind that he refused to comply with a subpoena for documents in his office, the House GOP in its increasingly diminished wisdom thinks that the real problem is that the FBI removed documents from a House office building with a search warrant.

Basically, they are arguing that the Constitution created a safe zone in the Capitol and in the House Office Buildings to commit crimes if they so wish. Under their logic, a Congressman can accept bribes in his office and law enforcement can't try to wiretap it. Under their logic, a Congressman can sell drugs out of his office, and law enforcement can't do anything about it. Under their logic, a Congressman can keep evidence of a murder in his office and law enforcement can do nothing about it.

Maintaining separation of powers and upholding the perogatives of Congress are important, but not at the expense of putting yourself above the law, which is where they are saying they are.

Honestly, I could not be more embarrassed to have thought these people were leaders of any sort.

People who can't pump their own gas should be kicked in the head...

This article should be from the Onion. But it's not. It's genuine, and it makes me believe that NewJersey should be de-populated and then repopulated with people who aren't IDIOTS. God, I hate New Jersey.

Heard on the cell phone voice mail...

... you know your friends are in trouble when they leave you voice mails referencing a golden tee score of 49 over.

that's some bad medicine right there.

And I understand caleb was nowhere to be seen at that particular time and place.

Just when you thought it was safe...

..to go back into the gene pool....Yup, we just found out that Manda's pregnant, too. She's due December 27th. It's still early (not quite 7 weeks) but since the doctor was worried about an ectopic pregnancy, we did an ultrasound, and got to see the heart beating.

That'll make three Malt Shop Logic babies in one year. It's just baby crazy lately. My brother's got a new daughter, plus one of Manda's friends (who will remain nameless on this blog) is due in October.

As The Duke used to say, "Fortune passes everywhere."

Of Medicines and Miracles....

Some who read this blog know that my love, Cherie, was transferred to New York for her job this past winter, and has been living alone in a townhome in Connecticut while I finish up obligations here in Virginia. She has handled that situation with strength and grace, and I love her for that.

But there's something else I would like to share with you that has only increased my love for her in recent weeks.

Cherie, as some of you know, suffers from a pituitary adenoma. In laymen's terms, that's a tumor on the pituitary gland that sits between the brain's lobes. Such tumors cause excess hormone secretion. Cherie's tumor is on the part of the gland that regulates the hormone "prolactin". So, it's called a "prolactinoma".

Like its name sounds, prolactin tells the body when to (or not) engage in reproductive functions like lactation, ovulation, etc. Tumor growth results in excess prolactin release. Normal serum prolactin levels for non-pregnant women are 15-20 nanograms per milliliter. When diagnosed, Cherie's was 250 ng/mL. So, prolactinomas interfere with reproductive functions, and untreated, obstruct the optic nerve, cause blindness, and then cause death.

Cherie has been on several drugs to control the tumor's growth -- including Dostinex. Dostinex proved to be unusually beneficial, shrinking Cherie's tumor even more than doctors predicted or expected. We found this out the hard way 4 years ago, when Cherie, supposedly unable to ovulate, got pregnant but miscarried shortly thereafter. Dostinex, like other such drugs, carries nasty, potentially fatal side effects. It significantly raises its takers' risks of strokes and heart attacks, and it disrupts speech centers, causes memory loss, disorientation, dizziness, etc.

So, about a year ago, we decided to research the possibility of reducing or eliminating Cherie's Dostinex consumption. While doing some research, I was thrilled to discover literature suggesting she might be able to stop taking Dostinex. In a new study, it was found to have caused permanent "near-remission" in 61% of mature adult patients who had been receiving long-term treatment. When I say "near-remission," I mean that the study reported that long-term patients taken off the drug experienced minor tumor growth, but then their tumors stopped growing.

With Cherie's tumor, this meant that if successful, her tumor would grow enough to cause abnormally high prolactin levels, but not high enough to obstruct the optic nerve or worse. After consulting with her doctors, we took Cherie off of Dostinex. Her endocrinologist told us, "When you want to become pregnant, come back, and we'll put you back on it to see if you'll ovulate." We re-confirmed with him (given our past experience) that yes, this time, without medicine, her prolactin level should be high enough to preclude ovulation. Her side effects began to disappear, and all was well.

In November of 2005, Cherie had her prolactin level tested, and it came back at 56 ng/mL, more than twice the upper end of the normal range. Her doctors assured us that they thought the tumor was near the end of its growth, but to come back in late March/early April for another test. So, a couple of weeks ago, Cherie returned for another test. Her prolactin level came back at 214 ng/mL. The doctors, surprised, ran a battery of tests. I went with Cherie to hear the results.

Dr. Julia Auerbach, her primary care provider, smiled and said, "Well, we know why your prolactin level is elevated. You're pregnant!" After recovering from the initial shock, we said, "But, her prolactin level was supposed to preclude ovulation. How did this happen?" The doctor gave us a look and said, "Some times the human body does things we just can't explain." So, that was a few weeks ago. We now know that we are expecting a daughter -- already named Audrey Katherine after one of my grandmothers and Cherie's mom -- on approximately September 21st.

She is now 20 weeks along, and according to our most recent doc visit on Tuesday, she is 100% healthy and developing just as she should be. Cherie and I hadn't thought to do things quite this way -- we were going to get engaged this summer and married in Sept/Oct 2007 -- but it would seem that someone up there has a different plan for us. Cherie and I are experiencing the full range of emotions one might expect, but most of all we are excited and looking forward to bringing a new life into the world. Can you believe it -- I am going to be a father. How about that. Oh, and I apologize for not being in touch much lately -- but life has been a little crazy :-)

I Pity the Fool

Who watches this show.

Of course, I will probably tune in at least once.

Judge rules Web surfing at work OK

The kind of precedent I can live with:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/technology/chi-060424surfing,1,687546.story?coll=chi-business-hed

The Associated PressPublished April 24, 2006, 12:10 PM CDT

NEW YORK -- Surfing the Web at work is equivalent to reading a newspaper or talking on the phone, an administrative law judge said in recommending the lightest possible punishment for a city worker accused of disregarding warnings to stay off the Internet.

The case involved Toquir Choudhri, a 14-year veteran of the Department of Education, whose office computer had been used to visit news and travel Web sites.

``It should be observed that the Internet has become the modern equivalent of a telephone or a daily newspaper, providing a combination of communication and information that most employees use as frequently in their personal lives as for their work,'' Administrative Law Judge John Spooner said in recommending only a reprimand for Choudhri.

The judge noted that city agencies allow workers to make personal calls if it doesn't interfere with their work performance.

Choudhri's lawyer, Martin Druyan, called the ruling ``very reasonable.''

"...you're probably going to get mixed reviews."

This post's title is taken from the latter half of a comment by New York Mets star, David Wright, shrugging off a reporter's questions about Vice President Cheney being booed at Tuesday's Washington Nationals home opener.

Most press accounts of Tuesday afternoon's reaction to Cheney characterized it as a mix of boos and applause.

Well, let me say this: I was sitting in Section 227, Row 3, Seat 5...and if I could use one word to describe the reaction to Cheney, it would be: ferocious.

I was absolutely stunned by the reaction to the Vice President. This was no mixed reaction, no range of boos and cheers, no alternating chorus by GOPers and Dems in the audience. This was a long, widespread, angry reaction by nearly every fan in attendance.

When the PA Announcer announced that Vice President Cheney was the guest of honor who would be throwing the ceremonial first pitch, the crowd erupted almost as one in a long, angry chorus of boos. The boos lasted several minutes, and only near the very end did a smattering of applause arise to counter (futilely) the volume and ferocity of the boos.

Personally, I had a very mixed reaction to what I witnessed. First, I was embarrassed, even ashamed -- and especially to stand next to two older gentlemen who were veterans of service in the US military and obviously could not believe what they were seeing and hearing.

As a child of the military, I was raised to respect the high offices of our country, regardless of the personalities temporarily inhabiting them. So, it would never occur to me to boo the President or Vice President, or frankly any individual holding a role of high authority and responsibility within an administration. Moreover, I was somewhat embarrassed at the behavior of my fellow citizens and baseball fans. I thought it beneath them to boo.

Second, upon reflection, I am concerned. The booing -- particularly its intensity and duration -- suggest to me an articulation of a deeply, strongly felt anger toward the Administration. It suggests to me the kind of anger that has had destructive consequences for the Republic's faith in itself and its leadership in times past.

Media outlets have already begun to compare Bush's last two years in office to Nixon's. And perhaps they're not wrong.

Perhaps I'm reading too much into a few minutes' experience at a baseball game. But, I'll also say -- you had to be there. It was UNREAL.

Joe Escalante

The Post just did a story on Joe's (if you don't konw who he is, why are you reading this blog?) radio show, "Barely Legal Radio." It's also on the internet at 2pm Eastern.

Nooge.........

Whilst I while away the waning days of winter, I wander among the wondrous blooms of spring. And I wonder that we are merely 8 months away from being able to say once more, Wassail!

New pet peeve

I've recently discovered a new pet peeve. It's people using the word 'whilst'.

March Madness

I am currently second in our pool. Second place is still a money winner. The only way I can get knocked out is if LSU beats UCLA, as the one schmuck who graduated from LSU picked them to go all the way.

Which brings me to the point of this: LSU??! *grumble* Maybe I was hasty picking Duke, but honestly, LSU?? *sigh*

For Those of You With Nostalgia for Dangerous Firetraps

The founder of Mr. Henry's has died.

I will drink a sloe gin and sprite in his honor. Well, probably not.

Welcome, Urban Love Commando

I definitely dropped a few f-bombs in amazement when I saw that one Paul Williams, aka Fred Johnson, aka The Urban Love Commando, showed up on the blog. Good to hear from you, Paul! When you start working for Roger Staubach, work on getting me some NASCAR tickets. I'll even pretend to root for Hall of Fame Racing.

Anyway, with all the T-Northers coming out of the woodwork, I thought I'd take the opportunity to create another blog, creatively titled, T-North: The Blog. If you think you qualify to post on there, click the link and follow my directions.

Why another blog? I'm all about creating online communities - without the creepiness (reg. req) of myspace.com or xanga.com.

Guapo's, Nanny's, and the damn NCAA tourney...

Matt, et al:

I am very interested in going out Thursday night and seeing you guys. I've been so damn wrapped up in the developments of my own personal life that I welcome a diversion.

Guapo's followed by Nanny's would be fine by me.

In other developments, I entered the weekend with my brackets containing 6 of the Elite 8. I was in first place, and I felt very good about my chances of winning my pool.

Then everything went to shite. Villanova, Texas, and UCONN all lost. Now I have only 1 of the Final 4 remaining in my bracket (UCLA). UCONN in particular screwed me (with their unfocused, lazy, un-inspired basketball), because I had UCONN winning the whole thing. On the flip side, it was nice to see a team like GMU win, because they played with a sustained intensity that betrayed just how badly they wanted to win. I think that based on their relative levels of intensity and excellent play, LSU and GMU have to be even money to win the whole shebang.

The good news is that this week's and this weekend's results were so unexpected that they hosed everybody in my pool. Thanks to the ASM, I won a ton of games in the earlier rounds, and I am still in a very strong position. I'm still in first place. Thanks to the Scenario Generator (what a great addition to the Yahoo tourney game, by the way), I have determined that as long as UCLA loses in the national semi-finals, I'll win my pool. If UCLA wins in the national semis, I fall to a homer in my pool who picked UCLA to go all the way just for grins.

Love that ASM...it has proven its mettle in yet another year.

This thursday

Is there any interest in a Thursday-night dinner at Guapo's and post-dinner drinky-poo?

Recognizing that people have to work Fri., I don't propose tearing it up too bad...

But since The Malt Shop is not really any good any more, I would like to satisfy my curiosity about what the inside of Nanny's looks like these days. I bet it would be the first time anyone here has seen it in a while...

Just a thought...

--Matt

ASM still going strong...

My ASM-based picks now have me in first place by 3 points in my Yahoo! Fantasy Sports-based office pool. Thanks, Close!

ASM proving its mettle in the early going...

Throught Saturday night's results, my ASM-based picks have me in 2nd place out of 20 entrants in my office NCAA pool, only 2 points out of 1st.

A Landmark Will Leave Us

And only the Dancing Crab speaks against it!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/03/17/AR2006031701908.html

Thinking is Bad

Damn me for out-thinking my own stupid system. Why did I not just follow the numbers?

F you, Kansas Jayhawks.

F you, Bill Self. Glad you're not at Illinois.

To quote Men at Work: “He was provokin’ me.”

Sorry to revisit the whole “AU to the Patriot League move was a bad one” argument, but I just happened across Robert Spuhler’s post on the subject titled "Once and Eagle..." from last Wednesday, and this is a subject that still causes me to argue. Let’s look at his key points:

Robert: “The reason given for the move by then-president Ben Ladner was that the school wished to associate itself with schools that were on our academic level – a laughable assertion at the time and today.”

Me: My memory on this may be a bit fuzzy, but I also seem to remember that another reason for the move was so that AU would compete against schools that devoted a similar level of resources to their athletic programs. In the CAA, AU competed against mostly state schools that were able to put more money into their programs. In the Patriot League, it is (except for the service academies) small private schools like AU. Again, I could be wrong, but the resource question was the best rationale to me.

Robert: “The unspoken reason was pure greed…there is no quicker way for a school to gain a national profile – something that American has always lacked – than to play in a high-level sports event[the NCAA tournament]. The problem? AU was not in any position to qualify for the tournament in the Colonial.”

Me: Agreed – making the NCAA tournament was an unstated reason – but not the reason – for the move.

Robert: “So, AU took a dive. And make no mistake – while Bucknell is currently the mid-major darling, the Patriot League is certainly a step down from the Colonial.”

Me: I have always had a problem with this argument. Let’s put it this way: Tuesday at 8, I could have watched either According to Jim or TV’s Most Outrageous Moments. One might be a better show than the other, but they still both suck, and I watched something else. That’s what I think about Colonial and Patriot League basketball. The Colonial has a better RPI than the Patriot, but we’re not talking about going from the Big Ten to the Patriot League. We’re talking about going from a one-bid league to another one-bid league.

Robert: “How has that move worked out? Well, the obvious answer is that AU has still not qualified for the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. This year, AU could not even make it to the league championship game, falling to the aforementioned Bison.”

Me: You know, no one said it would be easy. However, I would point this out: # of nationally televised games featuring AU while they were in the CAA: 1 (and I’m counting the game ESPN televised when Bender opened); # of nationally televised games featuring AU while they have been in the Patriot League: 3.

Robert: “But more importantly, AU has seen its stronger teams such as men’s soccer suffer.”

Me: Really? The men’s soccer team has gone to the NCAAs 3 times in the last 5 years. They went twice in 16 years in the CAA (1985 and 1997). And in between those visits they weren’t exactly tearing it up, as far as I remember.

AU’s time in the Patriot League has also seen other sports improve and go to the NCAA’s. Lesser competition in the Patriot League? Maybe. Or maybe the chance to reasonably compete for NCAA bids attracts better athletes to AU than before. Who knows.

Anyway, I don’t think that the move to the Patriot League was boneheaded at all. It may not have worked out exactly as envisioned, insofar as an NCAA tournament berth in basketball, but it made and makes sense.

Now, where’s Paul Williams so I can argue about this some more?

The Return of the (not quite) Almighty ASM

Just in time to fill out your brackets, I have posted my official 2006 Adjusted Scoring Margin tables below (Official 2006 ASM Motto: “I don’t trust these numbers!”). I’ve also posted some comments about the numbers at the end of each region.

But first, what is ASM? Read this post from last year and follow the link to the article by Joe Lunardi.

Why should you care? Because these numbers seem to mean something. Check out the results in Lunardi’s article, and then see my own results from the last two years:

2004 Top ASM by Region and Final Result:

Atlanta – Duke (Final Four)
East Rutherford – Oklahoma State (Final Four)
Phoenix – UConn (Final Four)
St. Louis – Gonzaga* (Second Round)

2005 Top ASM by Region and Final Result:

Albuquerque – Louisville (Final Four)
Austin – Duke** (Sweet Sixteen)
Chicago – Illinois (Final Four)
Syracuse – North Carolina (Final Four)

*The second-highest ASM in the St. Louis bracket was Georgia Tech, which went to the Final Four. Thus was created The Gonzaga Corollary: Thou shalt not select a team from a non-major conference to make the Final Four. Uh oh, Memphis.

**Michigan State had the third-highest ASM in the bracket, a very respectable 15.7. Thus was created The Rule of About 15: The most likely Final Four teams will have an ASM about 15 or higher.

So, six Final Four teams out of eight possible – not too shabby. Will the numbers lead us to NCAA pool victory this year? I don’t know (and like I said, I don’t really trust these numbers), but if it keeps you from picking Gonzaga to go to the Final Four, another angel gets its wings in Heaven.

Enjoy!

Atlanta Region

Atlanta Region

Texas – 19.9
Duke – 18.8
LSU – 13.5
West Virginia – 11.1
Iowa – 11.0
Texas A&M – 10.9
NC State – 10.7
George Washington – 10.6
UNC-Wilmington – 9.9
Penn – 8.8
Syracuse – 8.7
California – 8.2
Iona – 7.8
Southern Illinois – 7.3
Northwestern State – 6.9

Notes: Thanks, NCAA Selection Committee, for putting the top two ASM teams in the same bracket. I trust Texas not at all, but, then again, Duke is not exactly a juggernaut. Texas also has the highest efficiency margin of any major conference team this year, for what it’s worth (in 2005, the top four teams in efficiency margin were Illinois, UNC, Louisville, and Michigan State – did they do well in the tourney?). Nevertheless, if you can do two pools, I suggest doing one with Texas and one with Duke.

DC Region

DC Region

Connecticut – 18.1
UNC – 15.3
Illinois – 13.9
Washington – 13.2
Tennessee – 12.5
Winthrop – 11.8
George Mason – 11.5
Air Force – 11.3
UAB – 9.8
Utah State – 9.4
Wichita State – 9.4
Michigan State – 9.2
Kentucky – 8.8
Murray State – 8.8
Seton Hall – 4.1

Notes: Pick Connecticut. Also, why is everyone still on Michigan State’s bandwagon? Their ASM and efficiency margin profile looks nothing like last year. Do not be fooled – MSU has not been great during the season, and they won’t be great now either.

Minneapolis Region

Minneapolis Region

Villanova – 16.0
Florida – 15.4
Ohio State – 13.7
Nevada – 10.8
Northern Iowa – 10.8
Boston College – 10.7
Wisconsin – 10.0
Arizona – 9.5
Georgetown – 9.4
Oklahoma – 9.3
Pacific – 9.1
UW-Milwaukee – 8.7
S. Alabama – 7.8
Montana – 7.6
Davidson – 7.2

Notes: I would have liked Villanova to have a higher ASM, but what can you do? Do you trust Florida or Ohio State more than Villanova? I didn’t think so.

Oakland Region

Oakland Region

Memphis – 17.8
Kansas – 17.2
UCLA – 12.4
Pittsburgh - 12.4
Arkansas – 11.4
Bucknell - 10.6
Marquette – 9.8
Xavier – 9.4
Bradley – 9.3
Indiana – 8.9
Gonzaga – 8.8
San Diego State – 8.4
Kent State – 8.0
Alabama – 6.9
Belmont – 4.7

Notes: I am invoking The Gonzaga Corollary here (ironically, in Gonzaga’s bracket). Conference USA is not a major conference anymore. I can’t believe in Memphis. Of course, Kansas is just as young a team as Memphis is, so why should you pick them? I first ran these numbers two weeks ago – Kansas is the only major conference team whose ASM has improved.

Good news for DC area beer

Another one doesn't bite the dust... See this entry (http://www.lewbryson.com/news.htm) on the sale of Old Dominion Brewing to the people who've been involved with Clyde's and Cap Grill.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

No more regular season, conference tournaments are in full swing, and we're only days away from Selection Sunday. We're also only days away from a regular dose of Billy Packer. But despite that, it truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

It's also time for NCAA pools.

Coming Monday(-ish):

• The return of the ASM (official motto: helping Chris do well in NCAA pools since 2004) - this year's edition is likely to be subtitled (based on preliminary numbers): "Do I really trust Texas this much?"
• An introduction to the world of tempo-free stats, specifically something called "efficiency margin."

Ah, the anticipation.

Mmmm, 184 Proof

Uh, this stuff is going to give Knob Creek a run for its money - or at least Josh's money.

Sad

It's a wonder that kids these days will know how to do anything once they get into the workforce - they don't have to learn math, just how to do it on their calculator; they don't have to know how to write (based on what I've seen); and now, they aren't even doing their own college applications. Parents are hiring consultants to help their kids go through the college application process.

Diagnosis: pathetic.

I prefer a little Simpsons Poetry...

(borrowed from the US Army, circa WWII)

Whistle while you work
Hitler is a jerk
Mussolini bit his weenie
Now it doesn't work

Stupid Isotopes!

New Hiakus

Fuck Our Government
Bushoco Rapes Our Dumb Asses
Time To Burn It Down.

Cheney Shot Some One
Stupid Motherfucker He Be
Donut Punched, Oh Yeah.

Small Government, Huh?
Fuck Republicans, bastards
Government Cock Whores.

Hey Chappy, this remind you af anything?

http://www.filecabi.net/video/drivebyinsults.html

Teehehehe...

He Got Peppered Pretty Good....

In light of Vice President Cheney's quail hunting fiasco, I feel compelled to write the following: Cheney is an incompetent hunter who should have his hunting privileges suspended by the state of Texas -- and failing that, he should surrender his hunting privileges voluntarily for a period of time (six months, one year, etc.) to acknowledge his dangerously unsafe act and his failure to abide by at least two cardinal rules of bird hunting.

At least two of us who post to this blog have done a significant amount of bird hunting. And when I say "bird hunting" in this context, I mean the stalking of ground-nesting birds, such as pheasant, quail, chukkar, etc.

I have hunted birds since I was a small child, and I hunted them most recently just after Christmas this past year with my dad and brother at a game preserve on Maryland's Eastern Shore.

All good bird hunters know and follow two cardinal rules:

#1: ALWAYS know where your hunting companions are.

#2: NEVER fire your gun unless it's a 100% safe shot.

Bird hunting has more potential for danger than many other more solitary types of hunting, because a) you usually hunt in close proximity to 2-3 other people in the same patch of land, focused on the same quarry; b) ground birds fly erratically. Sometimes, they pop straight up into the air, and you can elevate your shotgun muzzle safely out of range of any of your companions. However, sometimes birds fly at head or chest level or lower. Sometimes they fly right at another one of your fellow hunters. Sometimes they don't fly at all, but run along the ground, hoping to stay camouflaged in brush.

Given these factors, it is not unusual to encounter situations where you find yourself swiveling your shotgun barrel in pursuit of a bird, only to find yourself moving the barrel toward a fellow hunter.

That is why it is crucial to always know where your hunting companions are, and to take a "don't shoot" mentality until and unless you're sure your shot will be safe. It's always possible to lower your gun and simply track the bird as it runs/flys away, then stalk it again at its new landing spot.

That's what Cheney should have done -- but instead he shot a man in the face, neck, and chest. The ranch's owner reacted dismissively, downplaying the situation by laughingly saying, "He got peppered pretty good."

I bet the victim doesn't feel so jolly about the situation.

A biatch of a typo

In my new job, which is inadvertently hilarious in part because sometimes I help the university figure out to keep the kids from drinking, smoking, fucking, or disliking each other, one of my peripheral responsibilities is reviewing the division's staff reports.

Anyway, I was just looking at the weekly submission from our residence life staff, good people all, and caught the following typo--see if you can find it:

"...Sadler resident advisor, held a ‘Monopoly anf economic inequality’ diversity program for 20 residents on January 30..."

And an aside, keeping in mind of course that nothing on the Internet is private...

I'd like to provoke a lively discussion by asking the moderator of this fine forum: What are the house rules on liberal use of profanity, if any?

Ha Ha Ha America!

Stupid round eyes! You so srow! China be #1!

http://festival.sundance.org/2006/watch/film.aspx?which=402&category=DOC

Granted, given my line of work, I may have found the film to be more provocative. I still think everyone will enjoy it, though.

A Cautionary Tale

Was directed to this story in the Washington City Paper today about Marion Barry. Love him or hate him, this is just sad.

Diagnosis: Contender

Illinois 66 @Wisconsin 51

For an Illinois fan, this season has been a tough one to figure. Last year's team dismantled opponents with ease and style. This year's team has been winning, but with neither ease nor style. Still, bracketologists - at espn (explanation here) and bracketboard - have Illinois as a #1 seed, if the season ended today.

Tonight's game was the first one that I have seen that truly justifies such rankings. This win at Wisconsin was the first time all year that the Illini - all of them, not just Dee Brown and James Augustine - looked good. Granted, it's tough to tell how good Wisconsin is - they did lose to North Dakota State after all - and I don't think Illinois can run with Duke or UConn. But with Rich McBride hooked up to the juvenation machine, Brian Randle looking like a real player, and bench contributions from Jamar Smith and Chester Frazier, this team might be going places.

Holy Sh** - Again!

Check out comment #3 from Chapin's last post. A true blast from the past. Welcome, Sunil! Though I thought Ria was the coolest Indian we knew.

Ha, ha. Just kidding! Please don't hurt me.

Anyway, bouyed by the appearance of Sunil and Caton on our blog (although it is disturbing that people are finding this site, and I'm really not sure how Sunil did, but with our readership up to 10, might the reach of Malt Shop Logic be limitless?) and the fact that the blog has not imploded from inactivity, I feel compelled to note/ask the following:

• Interesting item on aueagles.com about the AU wrestling team. Turns out they are ranked #21 in the nation now. Pretty good, I think. Then I remember when the AU field hockey team first got ranked in the field hockey top 20 in 1995 or 1996 and one of my fellow athletes telling me that it wasn't that big a deal considering there were only 30 field hockey teams anyway (he exaggerated, I'm sure, but not by much). Well, according to my count, there are only 87 Division 1 wrestling teams. So, 21 out of 87 - not bad, but not all that good.
• Did Big Momma's House - the original - really merit Big Momma's House 2?
• Heard at work today by me - a dot matrix printer. Beyond what it says about fibbee technology, I did have a nightmare flashback to T-51, being awakened at 4 am as Laura whatshername in T-52 decided to print out her 25 page papers on her dot matrix printer. Bad times.
• I guess it's time for me to weigh in on the big House Republican leadership race for Majority Leader. The way I see it, thzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

P.S. F Blogger for the hassle it gave me in trying to post this.

Winter's Return...and Caton's

This weekend, I drove up to Connecticut for the umpteenth time since October to visit Cherie. I actually had a wonderful time -- I'm just tired of the drive.

Anyway, on Saturday, her sister and brother-in-law came from Boston to visit, and we went to dinner at the Melting Pot in Darien, CT. As an aside, the Melting Pot is possibly the world's most over-priced restaurant. The base "per couple" price for our meal was $96, and that was before substitutions, drinks, etc. And this for a restaurant where the patrons do their own cooking using fondue. Ridonkulous.

Anwyay...when we left the restaurant, it was 50 deg. F and pouring rain. 45 minutes later, when we arrived home, it was 34 deg. F and freezing rain was coating everything in sight. One hour later, the temp had dropped another 10 deg., and it was snowing hard. By the next morning, 8 inches of snow covered the ground in Danbury. Last night, it was 9 deg. F. I hate winter.

The good news is that Mr. Caton confirmed his emergence from seclusion on our blog this week. Tim -- you should post an actual article. Contact Close for particulars. And how the hell are you?

Holy sh**...

...did the real Minister of Tolerance, aka one Tim Caton, just make a commenting appearance on our blog? The 1 comment on Josh's post is attributed to the "Minister of Tolerance", and clicking on his profile reveals he's only been online since Jan 06 and lists "The Toy Fair" as his blog (though it doesn't appear to be up and running). Tim, are you out there?

180 Degrees

Now this is quite a turn. 60 years later, I get to read this line in my local newspaper:

About 200 Japanese troops are in San Diego County to practice beach landings in what could be a show of force in the country's growing rivalry with China.

Japanese officials approached the Marines, who have a long history of beach landings, for help last summer, Robbins said. Amphibious landings are among the U.S. military's more demanding maneuvers.

I'm horribly curious if there's any sort of ceremony being performed to commemorate this event. There's nothing in the news, but I don't see this passing with little more than a "Welcome to America!"

Chris' Tenleytown Adventure

Observations from time spent in Tenleytown - daylight time, that is - today:

1. Remember at Camillo's when we first started going there - Camillo at the first chair, Joseph (RIP) at the second chair, an extremely tall Hispanic guy in chair three, Diane at the next chair, and Dante in the corner? Well, a few years back, the Hispanic guy just disappeared. I thought he must have opened his own place or something. He was back today - and they stuck him in the room that used to be used by the old lady who would dye another old lady's hair.

2. Walked around AU today for the first time in ages. Was pleased with what I saw. First of all, the Kogod and Batelle buildings look very impressive. Nice, even. Second, they did a very nice job with the intramural field - seems like they redid the baseball diamond too. I think they tore down one of the buildings overlooking the field, but I can't be sure. Overall, campus looked better than it ever did when we were there - and it wasn't even after a clean-up day before prospective freshmen arrived for a visit.

3. Watched AU play Lehigh with the Bad Lieutenant. Don't worry about taking a Friday off to watch AU in the Patriot League championship game this year. AU only excels at one thing on the basketball court - turning the ball over.

Another Tough PR Day for the FBI...

...eh, Chris?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/01/06/AR2006010601077.html

"County Appoints King Following Pope Resignation"

nt

Goodbye Boring Earth Chicks, Hello Sweet Alien Poontang!

http://news.scotsman.com/scitech.cfm?id=16902006

Hyperspace drive, bitches.

I know...

...that the callowness (and callousness) of the media should not be a surprise. And I know that it should not anger me. But damn, occasionally it really does. Case in point: I've been working from home today, sitting with the laptop on my lap and the TV in front of me, tuned to CNN. All damn day long, CNN has exploited the tragic mine explosion situation in West Virginia to flog its "new" technology, "Pipeline". Now, as an aside, it appears that Pipeline is hardly new. It appears to just be live, unedited video streaming from a remote CNN camera truck. Josh can tell you that this has probably been available as a technology for years now.

But what really, really gets me, is the way CNN has jumped on the mine situation as an opportunity to publicize their "new" tool. Daryn Kagan hasn't been able to go 30 seconds without mentioning it again. And damn, I want to kick her in the belly. By the way, could she look more leathery, anorexic, and fake? Ugh.