Malt Shop Logic

The AU Men's Basketball team dropped its 3rd game in a row last night, losing 73-62 to Mount St. Mary's. Yes, we got creamed by Mount St. Mary's. We've now lost consecutive games to St. Francis, Albany, and Mount St. Mary's. It's not looking like a Patriot League Championship year for the Eagles.

I knew this would be a rebuilding year, but I had hoped after the last couple of years and our berths in the Big Dance, our recruiting classes would be strong enough to avoid this poor a start. Oh, well, it least it will be cheap Saturday afternoon entertainment for the munchkins, who will get to hear their dad yell, "Boo, you're terrible, Papparo!"

A friend at work pointed me towards the greatest fake twitter feed since Barack's Teleprompter started its:

The Fake AP Stylebook

Among my favorites:

• Avoid using "gadzooks," lest your monocle pop out and land in your jar of mustache wax.
• The antecedent for "she" in "that's what she said" is generally understood to be "your mom."
• Use the suffix "-ista" to describe someone famous who doesn't really do anything.

Please read.

...for those of you who remember how Cherie and I painted our apartments at Columbia Crossing, the Seven Corners Home Depot, where FBI employee Linda Franklin was gunned down by John Allan Muhammad and Lee Boyd Malvo, was "our" Home Depot. It was the store we drove to again and again for paints, brushes, tarps, and the occasional impulse soda buy at the register.

We were headed there that night for more paint. But it had been a long and frustrating day, I was tired, and I convinced Cherie to turn off the path to Home Depot and head back to the apartment. Not long after arriving at home, I turned on the TV and saw the news about Franklin's murder at the very place toward which we'd been headed. Who knows, maybe it saved one of our lives that night. That was what was so frightening about those weeks -- the random nature of the killings and the knowledge that you were totally at the mercy of chance -- maybe it would be you while pumping gas, maybe not.

So good riddance, Muhammad. I hope that even unconscious, you felt your breath slip away. I hope you felt panic at the control taken away from you, at the certainty of your impending death. Like Dennis Miller said, some fuckers are just too evil to be allowed to stay on this earth. Tonight, you joined their ranks.

As an alumnus of both The American University and The Chronicle of Higher Education (I am proud of one of those right now)... and as a longtime PR person who was once responsible for pushing The Chronicle's "editorial choices" on to other publications so that they could make the same "disappointing" decisions to publish this factual information...

This letter from our alumni association president looks like a serious case of the university's institutional advancement machine stepping on its own dick.

I bet this wasn't the PR folks' idea, and I feel kind of bad for them. Campaign must not be going well.



From: aualum=american.edu@reply.bronto.com on behalf of AU Alumni Association
To: Matthew Snyder
Subject: Important Message from Your Alumni Association President
Date: Wednesday, November 04, 2009 7:14:19 PM

Dear fellow alumni,

I am writing you today as proud as ever to be an alumnus of American University, and with great confidence in the students, faculty, and leadership of our shared alma mater.

In your local paper, online, or in national publications such as the Wall Street Journal or New York Times, you may have noticed a story that referenced a report in the Chronicle of Higher Education regarding presidential compensation in higher education. Annually, the Chronicle collects and compares data as listed on publicly available IRS Forms 990. On Monday, the Chronicle published a story using the data from 2007–2008, which reported that AU president Neil Kerwin, SPA/BA ’71, received $1,419,339 in total compensation in 2008, ranking third highest in the nation.

Eagle to eagle, you should know that this report of Dr. Kerwin’s income is misleading. Dr. Kerwin’s annual salary, $559,067 in FY2008, historically ranks third among the seven presidents of private research universities in Washington and is moderate in relation to presidents at private universities. The total reported included deferred compensation ($481,304) and investment growth ($318,864) that Dr. Kerwin earned over nearly a decade during his service as provost and interim president. He was required to take the payout when the funds vested, consistent with board policy. It is important to note that each year of the deferred compensation was previously reported on IRS 990 forms and prior surveys as a benefit.

I hope you are able to take a moment to review a communication from AU Board Chairman Gary M. Abramson, SPA/BA ’68, on this subject here.

On behalf of the AU Alumni Association Board, I would like to express my disappointment for the editorial choices utilized by the Chronicle and, subsequently, by other news outlets. During his tenure, Dr. Kerwin has led the university to tremendous financial and academic success and the board’s compensation is especially focused on competitive, market-based compensation that is not excessive. I am proud to be serving as Alumni Board President during this time. I hope that this information is helpful to you, and I encourage you to maintain an open and honest dialogue with your alma mater.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,Brian F. Keane

I can't see this happening at the Shoppe (where would you park it?), but this sure beats having a Dallas Cowgirls post at the top of the page:

Man pleads guilty to DWI in motorized La-Z-Boy

A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to driving his motorized La-Z-Boy chair while drunk. A criminal complaint says 62-year-old Dennis LeRoy Anderson told police he left a bar in the northern Minnesota town of Proctor on his chair after drinking eight or nine beers.

Planet Moron, a kindred spirit if ever there was one, has more.

can suck eggs....

Or so says (sort of) friend of the Shoppe, Adam Keiper in his book review in the WSJ:

But what's so bad about a little self-censorship? It may prove safer for those of us who leave no moment unphotographed, no heartbreak or health scare unblogged, and no thought un-tweeted. And it may also help reawaken us to the quiet pleasures of private life.