Anger at atrocious playcalling assuaged by Golden Tee domination...

1. Memo to Wade Phillips: If you repeatedly cannot figure out how to get 3 feet or less on either 3rd or 4th down against the lowly Redskins after having the same exact problem 2 weeks ago, you're not going far in the playoffs.

2. Memo to Jason Garrett: There is no reason for a trick play when you are at midfield, up 14, and jamming the ball down the Skins' throats. Just keep jamming it, instead of putting your team in a 2nd and 23 and forcing it to take unnecessary risks that result in turnovers.

3. Memo to the faithful: my anger at the atrocious playcalling and execution that kept the Cowboys from what should have been a 42-0 demolition of the Redskins was assuaged by the fact that I HOUSED Mr. Close in back-to-back matches of Golden Tee at the Buffalo Wild Wings in Warrenville, IL. Pictures will follow after I download them from my phone.

Merry Christmas to all.

I Saw AU beat DePaul

And I did a running diary of it.

Impersonal Delivery of News

So I started out with the goal of contacting people personally, but it turns out that this is much easier. So here it is: my wife is pregnant.

I truly couldn't be happier and can't wait until June 29. Everything has been good so far and we're doing everything we can to make sure it stays that way.

Cross-posted at that other blog

Not looking good for the Eagles...

The AU Men's Basketball team dropped its 3rd game in a row last night, losing 73-62 to Mount St. Mary's. Yes, we got creamed by Mount St. Mary's. We've now lost consecutive games to St. Francis, Albany, and Mount St. Mary's. It's not looking like a Patriot League Championship year for the Eagles.

I knew this would be a rebuilding year, but I had hoped after the last couple of years and our berths in the Big Dance, our recruiting classes would be strong enough to avoid this poor a start. Oh, well, it least it will be cheap Saturday afternoon entertainment for the munchkins, who will get to hear their dad yell, "Boo, you're terrible, Papparo!"

Behold a great twitter feed

A friend at work pointed me towards the greatest fake twitter feed since Barack's Teleprompter started its:

The Fake AP Stylebook

Among my favorites:

• Avoid using "gadzooks," lest your monocle pop out and land in your jar of mustache wax.
• The antecedent for "she" in "that's what she said" is generally understood to be "your mom."
• Use the suffix "-ista" to describe someone famous who doesn't really do anything.

Please read.

That night...

...for those of you who remember how Cherie and I painted our apartments at Columbia Crossing, the Seven Corners Home Depot, where FBI employee Linda Franklin was gunned down by John Allan Muhammad and Lee Boyd Malvo, was "our" Home Depot. It was the store we drove to again and again for paints, brushes, tarps, and the occasional impulse soda buy at the register.

We were headed there that night for more paint. But it had been a long and frustrating day, I was tired, and I convinced Cherie to turn off the path to Home Depot and head back to the apartment. Not long after arriving at home, I turned on the TV and saw the news about Franklin's murder at the very place toward which we'd been headed. Who knows, maybe it saved one of our lives that night. That was what was so frightening about those weeks -- the random nature of the killings and the knowledge that you were totally at the mercy of chance -- maybe it would be you while pumping gas, maybe not.

So good riddance, Muhammad. I hope that even unconscious, you felt your breath slip away. I hope you felt panic at the control taken away from you, at the certainty of your impending death. Like Dennis Miller said, some fuckers are just too evil to be allowed to stay on this earth. Tonight, you joined their ranks.

Chron 990

As an alumnus of both The American University and The Chronicle of Higher Education (I am proud of one of those right now)... and as a longtime PR person who was once responsible for pushing The Chronicle's "editorial choices" on to other publications so that they could make the same "disappointing" decisions to publish this factual information...

This letter from our alumni association president looks like a serious case of the university's institutional advancement machine stepping on its own dick.

I bet this wasn't the PR folks' idea, and I feel kind of bad for them. Campaign must not be going well.



From: aualum=american.edu@reply.bronto.com on behalf of AU Alumni Association
To: Matthew Snyder
Subject: Important Message from Your Alumni Association President
Date: Wednesday, November 04, 2009 7:14:19 PM

Dear fellow alumni,

I am writing you today as proud as ever to be an alumnus of American University, and with great confidence in the students, faculty, and leadership of our shared alma mater.

In your local paper, online, or in national publications such as the Wall Street Journal or New York Times, you may have noticed a story that referenced a report in the Chronicle of Higher Education regarding presidential compensation in higher education. Annually, the Chronicle collects and compares data as listed on publicly available IRS Forms 990. On Monday, the Chronicle published a story using the data from 2007–2008, which reported that AU president Neil Kerwin, SPA/BA ’71, received $1,419,339 in total compensation in 2008, ranking third highest in the nation.

Eagle to eagle, you should know that this report of Dr. Kerwin’s income is misleading. Dr. Kerwin’s annual salary, $559,067 in FY2008, historically ranks third among the seven presidents of private research universities in Washington and is moderate in relation to presidents at private universities. The total reported included deferred compensation ($481,304) and investment growth ($318,864) that Dr. Kerwin earned over nearly a decade during his service as provost and interim president. He was required to take the payout when the funds vested, consistent with board policy. It is important to note that each year of the deferred compensation was previously reported on IRS 990 forms and prior surveys as a benefit.

I hope you are able to take a moment to review a communication from AU Board Chairman Gary M. Abramson, SPA/BA ’68, on this subject here.

On behalf of the AU Alumni Association Board, I would like to express my disappointment for the editorial choices utilized by the Chronicle and, subsequently, by other news outlets. During his tenure, Dr. Kerwin has led the university to tremendous financial and academic success and the board’s compensation is especially focused on competitive, market-based compensation that is not excessive. I am proud to be serving as Alumni Board President during this time. I hope that this information is helpful to you, and I encourage you to maintain an open and honest dialogue with your alma mater.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,Brian F. Keane

X-treme townies

I can't see this happening at the Shoppe (where would you park it?), but this sure beats having a Dallas Cowgirls post at the top of the page:

Man pleads guilty to DWI in motorized La-Z-Boy

A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to driving his motorized La-Z-Boy chair while drunk. A criminal complaint says 62-year-old Dennis LeRoy Anderson told police he left a bar in the northern Minnesota town of Proctor on his chair after drinking eight or nine beers.

Planet Moron, a kindred spirit if ever there was one, has more.

Tony Romo haters...

can suck eggs....

Stop blogging now!

Or so says (sort of) friend of the Shoppe, Adam Keiper in his book review in the WSJ:

But what's so bad about a little self-censorship? It may prove safer for those of us who leave no moment unphotographed, no heartbreak or health scare unblogged, and no thought un-tweeted. And it may also help reawaken us to the quiet pleasures of private life.

I was...

...going to post something about the pathetic, inept Washington Redskins, but even as a Cowboys fan, it's just not fun to dump on them anymore. What a sad state of affairs.

Cap'n Lou, we hardly knew ya...

Rest in peace, my favorite rubber-band covered wrestling promoter. I hope you and the Ultimate Warrior enjoy some Budweiser up in heaven.

Hello in there...

...and greetings from mobalicious Utica, NY...

The Chapins, Maine Style...

Because I was tired of seeing that other post, and because I have the cutest kids on the planet....

Story of my career...

Client, 6 weeks ago: You've done a great job, Brian, and so has your team. We're going to extend your contract for a year.

Client, 4 weeks ago: You've done a great job, Brian, but the people who promised the $$ to fund your contract extension lied, so we don't have the $$ to fund your extension. But, we'll extend your contract 2 months until we figure something out.

Client, 3 weeks ago: You've done a great job, Brian, but we can't find the $$. We'll extend your contract 1 month until we figure something out.

Client, 2 weeks ago: You've done a great job, Brian, but we can't find the $$. We'll extend your contract 14 days until we figure something out.

Client, last week: You've done a great job, Brian, but we can't find the $$. Your contract expires on Monday, and that's it, you're done.

Client, last week: Oh, by the way, my boss found some $$, but he wants to give it to another contractor who claims they can do the work.

Another contractor, today: We can't do the work, so we'll advertise for it.

God Bless Detroit Tigers fans...

Earlier tonight, I took a quick look at home park attendance figures for Major League baseball. I was stunned to read that 16 of MLB's 30 franchises have been filling (on average) less than 60% of their seating capacity during home dates.

But, in Detroit, where we all know that the economy has been craptastic for most of the last 30 years, and especially so the last few years, the Tigers have managed to fill the park to 78% of capacity this year, putting them just out of the top 10 in attendance, and ahead of 19 other franchises. Unbelievable.

And Milwaukee does even better, averaging 89% sold during home dates! Is it just that there's nothing else to do in Milwaukee?

Also of note -- I always imagined that the strength of Red Sox Nation would mean that it would be #1 in average road attendance. But, the #1 team in MLB road attendance? The Chicago Cubs. Of course, I should add that they're helped by the fact that the NL Central contains 3 of the top 10 most-attended teams in all of MLB.

Finally, this sad fact -- the Atlanta Braves average 58% of capacity sold at home...73% on the road. Pathetic.

Mark Grace is no Kazimierz Michalski

From The UK's Daily Mail, we learn that a 101 year old bested a 47 year old would be thief:

A 101-year-old war veteran caught a would-be burglar by holding him in a ferocious bear hug and watched him turn red and gasp for breath.
...

"I am not as quick and decisive these days but I was much stronger physically than him.

"I used to be a boxer and I wish I was few years younger and quicker, then things would have been very different. I would have massacred his face.

Polish veteran of WWII, boxer, librarian, vigilante...role model.

Mark Grace is awesome...

...because he "owns" her....

Yes, Chris...

...BearingPoint did an exceptional job of "lowering overhead" -- lowered it right out of existence, along with the company!

All kidding aside, yes, I too was disappointed in the President's speech. Mainly I was disappointed that it came tonight and not several months ago. His references to "...the plan I'm announcing tonight....", and "Now is the season for action," left me asking, "Where the hell has this plan been for the last several months while you've left Congress to dither??? Why wasn't the season for action 3 months ago?"

I also thought President Obama lost an opportunity with people who want to support our President but who have lost faith in him to exercise some humility and state outright that he has been too passive in this effort, and that he has failed completely to articulate (before tonight) his plan for health care.

He made health care reform a top priority (leaving aside for the moment the strong argument that there were and remain many other top, and expensive, priorities), and then apparently sat idly by watching as the Congressional cockfight over health care likely ruined any chance for reforming a system that all of us agree needs fixing in several areas.

Now, here he comes, the supreme rooster, feathers shining, strutting into the fray, with his grandiose calls to action -- "...I intend to be the last," "Now is the season for action," "Now is the time to deliver," "...we will meet history's test," -- UGH.

I want to support him, but tonight's speech smacks of (well, some bad, cliched speechwriting to start) a president out of touch, who as his biggest critics contend, is a big fan of speechmaking, but not much of a fan of real, actual work.

And yeah, the quip about "profits" being bad -- to me, smacks of stupid, misplaced class warfare -- the bottom line is, the President needs the cooperation and collaboration of the private health care industry to achieve any significant reform -- and calling them out again as the bogeyman isn't going to help him.

I hope I'm wrong. He's our President -- I want to believe him and believe in him. I want for our country to make changes to our health care system that will improve it. I hope he understands that he has mismanaged this effort, that sitting back and now strutting into the fray has not been a helpful approach, and that he intends to (to use another cliche) roll up his sleeves and get down to the dirty, detailed business of working with Congress to craft useful legislation. But, I'm not optimistic.

PS, we're coming to Chicagoland again Sep 27 - Oct 2. Prepare for another visit to BWW, and to conjure up some good ideas for wagers on your predictions on the performance of my fantasy football team, 'cause 4-8-1? Them's is fightin' words.

Uh, Really?

This line from the president's speech is getting a lot of laughs out there:

"But by avoiding some of the overhead that gets eaten up at private companies by profits, excessive administrative costs and executive salaries, it could provide a good deal for consumers."

Profits are part of overhead, according to the president. I guess Bearing Point did a really good job lowering its overhead in recent years.

If that's really what the president thinks, then Adam Smith just rolled over in his grave.

Real Live Death Panels

I'm excited to beat Brian to the punch on a day when Sarah Palin has an op-ed in the WSJ. She even talked about Death Panels:

Given such statements, is it any wonder that many of the sick and elderly are concerned that the Democrats' proposals will ultimately lead to rationing of their health care by—dare I say it—death panels? Establishment voices dismissed that phrase, but it rang true for many Americans.

Of course, no matter what former Enron adviser Paul Krugman says about horror stories from the British health system, those people are facing real death panels:

Doctors left a premature baby to die because he was born two days too early, his devastated mother claimed yesterday.

...

They ignored her pleas and allegedly told her they were following national guidelines that babies born before 22 weeks should not be given medical treatment.

...

She said he was breathing unaided, had a strong heartbeat and was even moving his arms and legs, but medics refused to admit him to a special care baby unit.

Medics allegedly told her that they would have tried to save the baby if he had been born two days later, at 22 weeks.

In fact, the medical guidelines for Health Service hospitals state that babies should not be given intensive care if they are born at less than 23 weeks.

God Damn...

I wish I had 1-10th the talent or ability to inspire that these guys have....

Guess who's back

@ Yahoo! Video

Attention, Attention Sunny Day Real Estate Fans...

...Sunny Day Real Estate is reuniting after a 10-year hiatus for a US concert tour.

Mr. Close, do I recall correctly you were a fan? They're playing the Metro in Chicago on 9/24. More info here.

That is all.

East of Moline...

If you were to look up Shorewood, IL, on Google Earth or Google Maps or Google Mildly Useful Product #341, you would see that west of Shorewood, all the way to Moline, IL, on the Illinois-Iowa border and on the banks of the Mississippi, there is, essentially, nothing. Oh sure, there are maybe a couple of hundred houses stretched across a couple of hundred miles, but really, there's just nothing.

Driving along Route 52, or Route 80, it's a rather featureless landscape -- lots of flat fields, green in summer, brown any other time, growing corn, wheat, and soybeans, and providing forage and space for hogs and cattle. All of those are important -- but it makes for a boring, even dreary landscape.

Adding to the dreariness, we are here in Shorewood to celebrate and mourn. We are here to celebrate Cherie's dad's birthday, but here to mourn that this is likely the last birthday he will live to celebrate.

He suffers from terminal, metastatic prostate cancer. Seven years ago, while prepping for surgery to repair fractured, weakened bone in his upper right arm (the consequence of another cancer, liposarcoma, that he beat, and the severe doses of radiation he endured to beat it), doctors found the prostate cancer. He suffered every treatment the fine doctors at the University of Chicago could come up with -- chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, more chemotherapy, androgen deprivation (aka chemical castration), various drugs in various phases of clinical trial, and soon more radiation-- but no treatment has been able to fully arrest the growth and spread of the cancer. He has suffered loss of appetite -- for food and sex -- had to shit through a pillow, lost his hair, puked his guts out, pissed blood, filled with fluid, nearly gone comatose, had his testosterone level driven to zero, suffered radiation burns to his skin -- has survived every side effect that has been thrown at him -- but it hasn't stopped the cancer.

Instead, slowly, inexorably, it has spread to distant regions of his body. He has lesions in his shoulders, back, and ribs -- and more growing in other places, not large enough yet to show up on the various scans he endures on frequent visits to the hospital. Doctors long ago stopped talking about remission, first retreating to talking about slowing the disease, and now talking about "palliative" care -- reducing pain in the face of fairly imminent death. The lesions are growing, more are appearing, the cancer markers in his blood are more numerous, and the pain he suffers is greater by the day.

No amount or variety of painkillers eases the pain completely. Sometimes he swallows oxycodone until he passes out. He sleeps off and on all day. But the pain is always there. The lesions eat through bone, causing tremendous pain, and weakening his bones to the point of fracture. The lesion on his spine may eat right to his spinal cord, which he won't know until one day he wakes up paralyzed, or just doesn't wake up at all.

He's not yet 60, but he shuffles like an 80 year-old man. The radiation treatment he will soon begin will target the individual, visible lesions, seeking to shrink them and reduce their impact. Ultimately, the treatment will fail, and it will be time once more for a decision he has faced several times already -- fight on, or give in -- and die?

Fight on, he says. More medicine that makes me puke, he says. More radiation that burns my skin, he says. More chemotherapy that makes everything taste like metal and gives me hemorrhoids and makes my hair fall out, he says. I've fought for seven years, he says. I've seen four grandchildren born, seen the first reach first grade just today, he says. I've seen a son and a daughter become parents, and I've seen another daughter grow into one of Boston's finest surgeons, he says. Fuck you, cancer, he says. I'm not done with you yet. You may have taken my brother, mother, every uncle and aunt I've ever known, others I never got to know, and you may get me, he says, but NOT WITHOUT A FIGHT. Seven years and counting, and I'M NOT FINISHED.

And that's why I love him. For all the agony -- the pain, the suffering, side effects, the bad news, the march of treatment, failure, treatment, failure, treatment, failure -- he blazes on. For his children, grandchildren, wife, brother, friends, and for all those who fought and lost and all of those who fight on still, he blazes on.

West of Joliet...

Dateline!

That's a shout out to Eliza Schlesinger for all of those fans of the Last Comic Standing, from her gig on TheStream.TV. Check it out. Anyway..........

The whole clan is once again in this hamlet of nothingness known as the "Village of Shorewood", in eastern Illinois about 50 miles southwest of Chicago .

Sitting west of Joliet off of Exit 253 on Route 55 South, Shorewood sits on land formerly occupied by corn stalks, soybean plants, and the occasional cricket. Its largest feature (depending on how one defines "large") is either the "Del Webb" retirement community of "Shorewood Glen" in which I sit typing this, or the white water tower I see rising above the flatlands, shaped like a hot air balloon, with "Shorewood" painted on it in black, block letters.

The trailer park is big, too, but not quite as large as Shorewood Glen. It (the trailer park) may be more populated, though.

Cherie's parents bought into this "Active Adult" community two years ago yesterday -- about the time the housing market began to tank. Consequently, the part of the community where you'd find Casa de Raven is surrounded mostly by empty home lots awaiting new owners and new construction.

Pulte Homes is the developer behind "Del Webb" communities. Personally, I think it's time to retire the Del Webb brand name. Webb was a name that meant nothing to me prior to learning about Cherie's parents' home purchase. I have since learned that Webb was born in 1899, died in 1974, and was the real estate developer who (among other things) built the famed retirement community, "Sun City" in Phoenix, Arizona, and also built up Tuscon. All of this occurred between 1948 and 1960. He also built the Flamingo, Sahara, and Mint casinos in Las Vegas, and used his wealth to buy a share of ownership in the Yankees.

He was, by all accounts, quite accomplished.

Unfortunately for Pulte Homes, Webb's -- and Sun City's -- heyday was in the early 1960s. This means that the folks now retiring and searching for "active adult" communities (which like to bring in people around 55 yrs of age) were probably around 10-12 years old when Webb was at his peak. So, they probably barely recognize who he is, if they recognize him at all. His name is at this late date unlikely to retain any strong selling power -- when's the last time any of you thought, "When we retire, let's go to Sun City!"

Certainly, his name doesn't seem to have spared Pulte from the recession. This development is half-unfinished, and in many cases, empty home lots have reverted to nature. The lot behind the house I'm sitting in is now a small pond with reeds, snails, and at least one family of ducks.

More to come in the next post....

Right on cue...

...unable to stand the cold of Alaska without the warm embrace of the spotlight, Sarah Palin chimes in on health care and once again exploits her retarded son to make a point. Some terrible victim of the media she is....

Today...

...I biked 8 miles, and Cherie and I took the kids to Camden Yards to see the Red Sox put a whooping on the Orioles -- which they did, 18-10, to sweep the 3-game series. It was Audrey's second Red Sox game, after a game at Fenway last year with my brother. It was Edziu's first game ever. And damn, if both kids didn't act like saints for 3+ hours. My son sat quietly, watching the game, and Audrey cheered for Big Papi and munched on chocolate ice cream with sprinkles to battle the heat :-) And, after torrential rain in the morning, we found Camden under blue skies and sunshine.

I could not have asked for a better way to conclude the weekend. Now, 5 more business days to vacation.

It cannot come soon enough. I am ready to strangle my clients with my bare hands. I need a few days unplugged from my laptop and Blackberry. Paul, you need a Whataburger real estate scout for the mid-atlantic?

Why aren't there any Whataburgers here in the DC area, Paul? There are so many transplants from Texas and the rest of the South here, I bet Whataburger would kill. DC is dying for a non-McDonald's/BK burger joint besides 5 Guys -- its burgers are so greasy you can only eat there twice a year without inducing a heart attack or stroke.

And riddle me this -- why aren't there any Sonics closer to the DC metro area than Fredericksburg and Winchester? I mean honestly, if Sonic can open a franchise in Binghamton, where it's only warm enough for drive-up service 3 months out of the year, Sonic could make a killing in northern Virginia!

The Sports Guy at his self-indulgent best...

I love me some Sports Guy. I love me some Almost Famous. Here, I got both. Lovely.

So I got tired...

...of staring at that long article. I won't do that again. That was just obnoxious.

In other news, I am still employed. Good times. Check back again in September, when the "new organizational structure" is announced.

Peculiar family values...

I don't often agree with Sally Quinn. Mostly, I think she's useless, and has been riding her marriage to Ben Bradlee for a long time. But, in this article about Sarah Palin, I think she's dead right. I'm sick to death of hearing Palin bemoan her victim status, when she's dragged herself and her children into the spotlight again, and again, and again. She's no one's victim except her own. If only her children could say the same.

Great Storyteller

Hey, Chaps. Your ex-wife got a job at Lockheed Martin. Must be a huge step down from that work at Geffen.

All divisions outside the AL East are poo-poo...discuss....

At nearly the halfway point of the 2009 MLB season, the AL East remains the superior division in baseball.

The AL East has 4 of the top 10 teams in the AL, including 3 of the top 5 (#1, #2, and #5).

4 of its 5 teams are over .500, with 3 teams at .550 or better. The other divisions:

AL Central: 3 teams over .500, but only 1 over .550
AL West: 3 teams over .500, but only 1 over .550
NL East: 2 teams over .500, 0 teams over .550
NL Central: 3 teams over .500, 0 teams over .550
NL West: 3 teams over .500, 1 team over .550

The other division leaders would be in the following positions in the AL East:

1. AL Central -- Detroit Tigers (.551) -- 3rd place, just ahead of the Tampa Bay Rays (.550)
2. AL West -- LA Angels (.553) -- 3rd place, just ahead of the Tampa Bay Rays (.550)
3. NL East -- Philadelphia Phillies (.520) 5th place, behind the Toronto Blue Jays (.525)
4. NL Central -- Milwaukee Brewers (.538) 4th place, ahead of the Toronto Blue Jays (.525)
5. NL West -- LA Dodgers (.633) 1st place, 1.5 games ahead of the Red Sox

Just my way of saying, The AL East is MONEY, and so are my RED SOX.

The History of Golden Tee

Thank goodness at least one person around here still reads newspapers in print form. This eye-opening article revealed that I live near ground zero for Golden Tee-dom. Proper.

Oh Retro TV, how do I love thee?

Airwolf, Magnum, the Beaver, Incredible Hulk, Knight Rider, A-Team, the Hardy Boys, Buck Rogers, classic Battlestar Galactica, and Alfred Hitchcock, all on one channel?

It's all the TV I watched when I was 10, and on one channel! How can I resist?

Oh, and I left out the Rockford Files!

It's awesomeness and crapitude all rolled up in one!

Terry Francona is giving me agita...

Last night, ageless Tim Wakefield was, if not cruising, certainly easing through the Yankees lineup, with a 6-3 lead after 6, and not appearing to struggle. The whole value of Wakefield is that when he's not struggling, he's an innings-eater.

So what did Francona do? Sat him after 6 and brought in Ramon Ramirez, who promptly gave up back-to-back home runs. Though the Red Sox hung on for a 6-5 win, it was a managerial move that made no sense.

Tonight, Brad Penny has absolutely cruised through 6, shutting out the Yankees and protecting a 1-0 lead. He was in rhythm, befuddling most of the brutal Yankees' lineup.

So what did Francona do? Sit him after 6, bringing in Manny Delcarmen...who promptly gave up 3 runs, putting the Red Sox down, 3-1.

Gaaahhhh!! It's ok to leave your starters in more than 6 innings, Terry, especially when they're doing well. Gaahhh!

A Capital Idea

It has occurred to me several times over the past few months that next February will mark the 10th anniversary of Russ the Bus booting the gentleman of 4319 44th Street from their long-time living space. Though my IQ and general decision making declines precipitously when I return to Tenleytown, it seems to me that a reunion-type gathering is in order.

I've already talked* to the current owners of 4319 and they've agreed* to let us rent the house for a week for 1/4 *of what we paid monthly in 2000. I thought that was very generous of them and immediately accepted*. I'll collect the $300 from you later.* It'll be great to be back in that place.*

Boo also was ok* with our return for a week though he will be on vacation*. I also managed to track down* the owner of the building that used to house the Malt Shop. He agreed to open the building up for us - we can't bring alcohol there but there are some kegs left over from before the old place left.* I figured that's ok because it has to be better than the current Malt Shop.+

Things are in motion. So, start thinking about setting some time aside next February for a trip to DC. Since all of you seem to be moving to the area anyway, you won't have much excuse for not making it.

*Not even close to being true.
+Sadly, true.

To be angry or envious...I couldn't decide....

For most of the last two weeks in northern Virginia, it has rained just about every day. So, yesterday, when the sun emerged just as we picked up the kids from daycare, Cherie and I decided to take the entire family out to eat at one of the many restaurants with outdoor seating at the Kingstowne shopping center.

Kingstowne is usually swamped with teenagers. Apparently, loitering at the outdoor shopping center has replaced loitering at the indoor mall as a rite of passage for teenagers in this country.

Yesterday was no different. They were everywhere, and as we drove by the movie theater toward the parking garage, I noticed several couples engaged in one form of PDA or another.

Not long after pulling into the parking garage, we spied an empty parking spot just across from the elevator that led to the movie theater and a number of restaurants. We immediately pulled into it. I got out and began to turn toward the back of the car to get Audrey out of her car seat.

It was as I turned that I noticed that a young man was seated in the driver's seat of the SUV next to us -- possibly Indian, but definitely of some South Asian origin. And then I noticed, hey, there's someone -- a girl -- stretched across from the front passenger's seat -- and hey -- her head is bobbing up and down over his lap. Hey, wait, she's -- she's -- oh my god, she's giving him a BJ right there in the front seat of the SUV 2 feet from me!!

I simultaneouly registered two opposing thoughts:

First: hey, this is terrible, this is disgusting, I have my kids here, they don't need to see that, why don't you two find some other less trafficked locale for this kind of action ?!

Second: damn, that is one lucky bastard. I remember those days, and they're too long past.

2004 World Series Champions*

*Cheaters.

Vacation, Day 3

I took this picture of Pike's Peak in Pike National Forest at the Crowe Gulch scenic overlook/ picnic area, elevation approximately 9000 feet. I scrambled up to the top of a jumble of granite boulders above the picnic area and had this view as a reward.

It was a cloudless day, and I had just descended from near the summit of the peak. Couldn't get all the way up, because a massive snowstorm shut down both the last few miles of the highway and the last mile or so of the cog train. So, instead of summiting at 14,000+ feet, I settled for about 13,600 feet. Still the highest I've ever been, with the Olympic Mts. and Mount Fuji both earning honorable mention.

It also turned out to be fortuitous that I traveled to Pike's Peak and the Pike National Forest...because today, the entire region was beset by thick fog. Cherie and I tried to go back so she could see the Peak (she was conferencing all day yesterday), and instead, we saw nothing. The fog was so thick at 9,000 feet that had I tried to take the same picture a day later, it would have looked like I took a picture of nothing. Couldn't see 5 feet in front of us -- it got so bad, we turned around at about 10,000 feet, because it you couldn't even see headlights coming at you from a few feet away -- it was just too dangerous, so we drove back down and stopped at Phantom Canyon Brewing Company for some libations. Yum.

Vacation, Day 1

While we're at it

Meet the new director of marketing & communications at Mohawk Valley Community College.

Positive movement...

Earlier this morning, I received a confirmed job offer from the firm that will be acquiring my current employer. In the interests of starting fresh, this will be the last blog post concerning anything of a professional nature at all related to my job. I will continue to post on other topics.

We'll see how long this lasts (my new job, and not posting about it).

The Blog Drinking Game

We missed the five year anniversary of this site.

Drink.

Attn: Malt Shoppers... Need a hand...

All:

A very good friend and colleague of mine just took a job in Alexandria. He's a prosecuting attorney. He's joining an agency that trains and counsels DA's nationwide in how to seek and destroy child abusers.

His move from Syracuse to DC is in three weeks. I'm trying to help him game the transition a little bit. So:

1. Anyone got any lines on 1-BR or studio apts. in Alexandria -- furnished or not, but parking's a must -- that are convenient to Old Town and the related nightlife and transportation opportunities? He's already got an HR-provided realtor and is on Craigslist but more informative leads (or guidance to apt. search resources you know and like) would be appreciated.

2. This one's specifically for Chapin but if anyone else has advice it's welcome, natch... He is going to need to add some more DC flavor to his network of LEOs, prosecutors, bar members, friendly bartenders, attractive and available women our age, etc. If you have any advice on who he might talk to or places he might like to visit, it'd be appreciated.

snyder.matthew.r@gmail.com

thanks gang.

Dear Somali Pirates...

Ha, ha!

Sincerely,

The US Government

The saga continues...

My PM arrived late to work this morning and missed a meeting that he had scheduled with our team. This is the 13th time (that I can document) that he's either arrived late, left early, or suddenly had a need to be out or work from home in the last 3.5 months. That's nearly once a week.

Earlier this afternoon, I informed him that per my analysis, and in significant part because he has failed to appreciate and act on the urgency of certain client-side delays, our project is now 2 months behind schedule, with further delays likely, and, unless drastic action is taken, will miss profit projections by 8 percentage points.

His response? "I bought a bunch of cool things this weekend, but I rented a trailer from U-Haul to get them to my house, and now have to return it to where I got it in Rockville. So, I'm packing up and getting out of here."

The time? 1:50 p.m.

Now that's what I call leadership.

The Giant Has Awoken

Attention, college hoops fans...

http://kentucky.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=930507

FWIW, I predict no fewer than 87 NCAA titles in men's basketball in the next 10 years for UK.

Now This is Reporting!

A must-read.

Via The Corner

Don't worry, I still have a job, the sequel...

Although my company may soon cease to exist, I still have a job. And, the happy news is that my business unit is being acquired by one of the world's largest and most respected professional services firms. This is one of the best possible outcomes for me and many of my colleagues, and I believe it holds nothing but a positive future for those of us who have survived thus far. More to come........

Surreal...

I cannot begin to describe how surreal it is to listen to the stereo echo of hundreds of phones on speaker in my office, all listening to our CEO describe the breakup and selloff of our company. It's a sound I hope never to hear again.

It was fun while it lasted...

Well, at least our AU Eagles made it interesting. I really hoped they would hold on, but when Villanova was shooting 2 shots at every foul by the 8 minute mark, I knew it didn't look good.

Thanks, boys, for a wonderful season. It was nice to come home to Washington and watch you in person. 24-8, winners of 19 of 21, Patriot League Champs -- well done.

With 5:05 to play in the game...

60-55, Villanova. C'mon, Eagles, pull it out, pull it out!

In answer to Hov...

Why that bracket in the Big East?

This is why... AU may have what it takes to grind out an old fashioned hairpull vs. a tested Big East squad... but they've never had any reason to find out... (ref. 14 pt. lead having evap'd, with Carr on the Bench at the moment)

But damn, AU will still lose to Villanova less times than SU did this year. Maybe 0 times. Go eagles go... hang in there you short, slow, magnificent bastards!

At the half...

AU 41, Villanova 31. Yeah, baby!

New Presidential Blog

An Obama administration insider has started a new blog.

The Return of the Almighty ASM (and its lesser cousin, Efficiency Margin)

I've posted below the ASM for all the brackets. If you don't know what it is, search the blog and there's more explanation. As always, this is not necessarily predictive of first round or even second round match-ups but hopefully will keep alive your final four and elite eight teams so you can rack up the points when they really count.

I've barely looked at the numbers since I unexpectedly had to do them by hand, but a couple quick notes:

• I always do a bracket based just on the ASM and then one on some guesses on close matchups.
• I think Connecticut has the greatest chance to be upset in the second round of all the #1 seeds, though I probably won't pick that way.
• I may pick Memphis once to go the Final Four and Missouri the other time. Which means UConn will probably go.
• I'll probably pick Kansas over Louisville one time too. Little thing only I would know: in all the years I've been doing this, the region ASM leader with the lowest ASM among all the region leaders (did you follow that) has always seemed not to make it to the Final Four. So there's that.

The Efficiency Margin I've spent less time explaining, but I will say this: of the top 10 major conference teams in efficiency margin (which includes Memphis because they're a major conference team playing in a crap league), historically 6-7 will make the final 8. So it's another way to check against your picks.

Good luck.

Efficiency Margin (Major Conference Games Only)

Teams in italics not major conference but here just to give you an idea that they might be good.

Gonzaga - 29.17
Memphis - 27.10
Xavier - 17.3
Pittsburgh - 15.76
Connecticut - 15.44
Kansas - 15.1
Butler - 14.97
North Carolina - 14.44
BYU - 14.3
Louisville - 14.04
UCLA - 13.82
Michigan State - 13.21
Missouri - 11.65
Oklahoma - 10.85
Utah - 10.79
LSU - 10.66
Washington - 9.65
Duke - 9.57
Villanova - 8.73
West Virginia - 8.57
Wisconsin - 8.38
Syracuse - 8.11
Arizona State - 7.95
Marquette - 7.66
Purdue - 7.16

ASM - West Region

Memphis (2) - 19.9
Missouri (3) - 17.5
Connecticut (1) - 17.3
BYU (8) - 14.2
Purdue (5) - 13.1
Washington (4) - 13.0
Marquette (6) - 11.7
Utah State (11) - 11.1
California (7) - 9.6
Texas A&M (9) - 8.3
Mississippi State (13) - 7.8
Maryland (10) - 7.5
Cornell (14) - 6.9
Northern Iowa (12) - 5.6
Cal St. Northridge (15) - 3.8
Chattanooga - DO NOT PICK

ASM - South Region

North Carolina (1) - 21.8
Gonzaga (4) - 18.1
Oklahoma (2) - 14.8
Clemson (7) - 13.4
Syracuse (3) - 12.5
Arizona State (6) - 12.1
Illinois (5) - 11.2
LSU (8) - 10.9
Butler (9) - 10.2
Temple (11) - 8.1
Michigan (10) 7.7
Stephen F. Austin (14) - 7.2
Akron (13) - 6.0
Western Kentucky (12) - 5.5
Morgan State (15) - 2.4
Radford - DO NOT PICK

ASM - Midwest Region

Louisville (1) - 16.6
Kansas (3) - 15.1
West Virginia (6) - 14.8
Wake Forest (4) - 13.3
Michigan State (2) - 12.3
Utah (5) - 10.7
North Dakota State (14) - 9.3
USC (10) - 9.2
Siena (9) - 8.9
Ohio State (8) - 8.8
Arizona (12) - 7.5
Dayton (11) - 7.4
Cleveland State (13) - 6.6
Boston College (7) - 6.4
Robert Morris (15) - 4.2
Morehead State - DO NOT PICK

ASM - East Region

Pittsburgh(1) - 17.7
Duke (2) - 16.5
UCLA (6) - 14.6
Villanova (3) - 12.3
Xavier (4) - 12.3
Tennessee (9) - 12.1
Oklahoma State (8) - 11.7
Texas (7) - 10.5
VCU (11) - 9.5
Wisconsin (12) - 8.4
Florida State (5) - 8.3
Minnesota (10) - 8.1
American (14) - 4.7
Portland State (13) - 4.6
Binghamton (15) - 1.9
East Tennessee State (16) - DO NOT PICK

While we await the ASM, a question for Mr. Close...

...did you (or anyone you know in Illinois or who follows Illini basketball) foresee that Deron Williams would become a bona fide NBA star?

Mackerel Economics

Apparently, mackerel have replaced smokes as the currency of choice in prisons around the country.

When Larry Levine helped prepare divorce papers for a client a few years ago, he got paid in mackerel. Once the case ended, he says, "I had a stack of macks."

Mr. Levine and his client were prisoners in California's Lompoc Federal Correctional Complex. Like other federal inmates around the country, they found a can of mackerel -- the "mack" in prison lingo -- was the standard currency.

The Beard Prevails...

AU wins in dramatic fashion over Army, 61-60. My recap may be found here. Many thanks to Yellow Fever for accompanying Cherie, the kids, and me to the game. Although, he's a bad influence -- I got way more worked up with him sitting next to me -- I didn't yell at all during the Lafayette game! Audrey picked up on Renkey's propensity for loud, forceful booing at the (many) bad calls inflicted by the referees during the game. After we got home, I said something she didn't like -- she got a stormy look on her face, and said, "Boo, papa."

Beware the power of the beard...

Scratchy, scratchy.

Go AU!

Mr. Charles E. Cheese Must Be Stopped

Chapter two in the case against popular kids' birthday location: Chuck E. Cheese sued over child's injury.

Shockingly, it doesn't involve skeeball.

It was all fun and games until the tuberculosis...

Apparently, an AU student tested positive for pulmonary tuberculosis on Thursday afternoon. Boy, am I glad I took my whole family to campus on Saturday and sat in an arena with 3,000 other people for several hours. Thanks, John Doe TB!

Don't worry...

...I still have a job, this article notwithstanding.

Donkeypunch, The Movie...

...yes, there really is a movie named Donkey Punch. And yes, it really revolves around an actual killer donkeypunch. See the trailer here. Really. I'm not kidding.

Taking the cake...

I recently found out that effective next month, I will be promoted for the 4th time in 7 years and will receive a substantial raise. I enjoyed that news briefly -- and then today happened.

I've written recently of my colleague and his obsession with his fugitive cat. Over on Nomadic Scribblings, I've written of other antics -- like disappearing mid-day in the middle of the week for an unannounced sojourn to the beach, showing up to work whenever he feels like it (or not), scheduling and not showing for meetings, actively thwarting progress on critical issues, etc. etc.

But today takes the cake.

As might be predicted by his demonstrated poor judgment, laziness, bizarro behavior, and incompetence, my colleague received a poor annual performance review from his superiors this morning.

Afterward, he called me into his office and bade me close the door.

He proceeded to tell me that his review had been "unfair". Then, he blamed his review's outcome explicitly on me and one other colleague. For me, he said, it boiled down to a) duties he had delegated to me (and that I'd ostensibly performed poorly, though he neither said that nor raised any examples); and b) back-channel conversations I'd obviously been having with my boss.

He then said that I am to stay out of his sphere of work and that he will no longer rely on me as much as he has over the past few months. I restrained myself from laughing. I am his deputy, so it's not really possible to disentangle myself from his work. And, it's not really his decision to make. My role is defined by the man managing the account this project services. And seeing as that man just promoted me, is giving me a fat raise, and has known and trusted me for nearly a decade professionally -- I don't see myself losing this battle.

Still, it was disconcerting. I've had my own performance criticized. I've even been canned. But I've never before been blamed for someone else's bad review. And, in all likelihood, I'm going to have to survive this guy for another 7 months, as my boss doesn't want to can him until there's a natural break in the project in September. Ugh.

Moral of the Story: Don't Live in PG County

Follow-up story on the SWAT raid on our former classmate.

You know you're getting old when...

...your colleague and friend swivels on his barstool and instead of saying, "Check out the ass on that girl!", instead says to you...


"If I stay another 20 minutes, I don't have to do bath time."

Beware the Win32/Zafi.B virus...

All,

In 7 years at my employer, I've never contracted a computer virus. Yesterday morning, a variant on the "Win32/Zafi.B" virus hit my laptop. It's supposed to be passed through e-mail, but I didn't open any suspicious e-mail, so I don't know how I got it. But, it managed to wipe every trace of every last file off my computer.

Part of the virus' nastiness is that it tricks users into thinking they're getting a message from Windows Firewall that the firewall has detected and blocked the virus. In fact, that IS the virus. So beware that pop-up, too.

In any case, it passes itself on in part by hijacking a user's e-mail address book. So, if you have any strange-looking e-mail from me, delete it immediately. And if your computer randomly receives a pop-up from "Windows Firewall" stating that you have the virus, shut it down, do NOT reboot, then go look up steps for removing the virus on another computer connected to the internet.

Fucking hackers. Damn you all.

Eat Your Heart Out, C. Montgomery Burns

Zimbabwe is introducing a Z$100 trillion note, currently worth about US$30 (£20), state media reports.

Incongruity, brought to you by satellite radio

This morning on the way to work... at a lovely -3 F... what to my wondering ear should appear but Ma$e's "Feels So Good."

Damn.

The Curious Chronicles of the Fugitive Kitty...

Day 1: Hunt for cat and skip work for all but 1 hour of the day;
Day 2: Hunt for cat and skip entire morning.
Also Day 2: Write a ten paragraph letter about the details of the cat hunt to our entire team, trying to justify being out of work.
Day 3: Leave work at 1:30 to resume cat hunt.

Excerpts from the 10-paragraph message:


"One of my son's girl friend's Sorority sisters visited for pizza on Monday night, and left the door open when she departed. That's how this all started. Needless to say, she probably won't find us so welcoming the next time she decides to stop by. She is living down to the stereotype, unfortunately."

"Taking the cat's point of view, I found myself crawling / walking through large concrete drain pipes under the roads around here - it is amazing how connected everything is via these drain pipes."

"I just hope she didn't use the under the road drains to move south into the Fair Oaks commercial space and Hyatt hotel across the road - too many people and cars, and the chances of survival there are not good."

"According to our research, this is an extremely rare intelligence. She uses many voices to express herself, and there is almost a language in use as we understand what she wants by the way she speaks. This is the smartest cat I've ever known."

"My wife is driving in from Chicago today, and will keep up the search tomorrow while both (name removed) and I get back to work."

"This is considerably more than I suspect you want to know, but I felt that I needed to explain why I'm spending this time, in this way, instead of being at the office. I'll mark the time as vacation days. It is just something I have to do."

And no, I didn't make any of this up.

Meow, meow, meow, meow...

I am currently the Deputy Project Manager on a project for my employer. This morning, I received an e-mail from the Project Manager, titled, "I'll call in, but please start without me". He was supposed to be attending a meeting with me and several other colleagues.

In the body, it continued, "All, my son's cats got out last night, and we've spent the night looking for them. We did find one, but the other is still on the loose. We saw her several times around midnight, but have not seen her since. We've been out looking this morning since first light."

Later, when my PM had not shown up at noon (and we were supposed to be prepping for a 1330 meeting), I called him, expecting to hear that he was either walking in the building or would be there shortly.

Instead, when he answered, he told me that he was in the middle of climbing a tree because "we've looked everywhere else."

He eventually made the meeting, then left as soon as it was over to go back to "cat-hunting."

When my boss asked where the PM was, I tried to tell him, but I couldn't stop laughing. It was so absurd, it I hadn't laughed, I would have cried.

Sh*ts McGee...

I think Snyder referred to my brother as "Shits McGee" or something similar years ago when my brother came to Tenleytown after suffering from giardiasis in the wake of a trip to Iceland.

Well, my brother's quest to get some sort of exotic intestinal disease/parasite in a 3rd world country at least once a year continues. 2008 was Guatemala. 2009 opens with a 3-month stint designing a low-cost toilet for poor people in Cambodia. Follow his sure-to-be-sh*tty adventures here.