...your colleague and friend swivels on his barstool and instead of saying, "Check out the ass on that girl!", instead says to you...
"If I stay another 20 minutes, I don't have to do bath time."
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Beware the Win32/Zafi.B virus...
All,
In 7 years at my employer, I've never contracted a computer virus. Yesterday morning, a variant on the "Win32/Zafi.B" virus hit my laptop. It's supposed to be passed through e-mail, but I didn't open any suspicious e-mail, so I don't know how I got it. But, it managed to wipe every trace of every last file off my computer.
Part of the virus' nastiness is that it tricks users into thinking they're getting a message from Windows Firewall that the firewall has detected and blocked the virus. In fact, that IS the virus. So beware that pop-up, too.
In any case, it passes itself on in part by hijacking a user's e-mail address book. So, if you have any strange-looking e-mail from me, delete it immediately. And if your computer randomly receives a pop-up from "Windows Firewall" stating that you have the virus, shut it down, do NOT reboot, then go look up steps for removing the virus on another computer connected to the internet.
Fucking hackers. Damn you all.
In 7 years at my employer, I've never contracted a computer virus. Yesterday morning, a variant on the "Win32/Zafi.B" virus hit my laptop. It's supposed to be passed through e-mail, but I didn't open any suspicious e-mail, so I don't know how I got it. But, it managed to wipe every trace of every last file off my computer.
Part of the virus' nastiness is that it tricks users into thinking they're getting a message from Windows Firewall that the firewall has detected and blocked the virus. In fact, that IS the virus. So beware that pop-up, too.
In any case, it passes itself on in part by hijacking a user's e-mail address book. So, if you have any strange-looking e-mail from me, delete it immediately. And if your computer randomly receives a pop-up from "Windows Firewall" stating that you have the virus, shut it down, do NOT reboot, then go look up steps for removing the virus on another computer connected to the internet.
Fucking hackers. Damn you all.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Incongruity, brought to you by satellite radio
This morning on the way to work... at a lovely -3 F... what to my wondering ear should appear but Ma$e's "Feels So Good."
Damn.
Damn.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The Curious Chronicles of the Fugitive Kitty...
Day 1: Hunt for cat and skip work for all but 1 hour of the day;
Day 2: Hunt for cat and skip entire morning.
Also Day 2: Write a ten paragraph letter about the details of the cat hunt to our entire team, trying to justify being out of work.
Day 3: Leave work at 1:30 to resume cat hunt.
Excerpts from the 10-paragraph message:
"One of my son's girl friend's Sorority sisters visited for pizza on Monday night, and left the door open when she departed. That's how this all started. Needless to say, she probably won't find us so welcoming the next time she decides to stop by. She is living down to the stereotype, unfortunately."
"Taking the cat's point of view, I found myself crawling / walking through large concrete drain pipes under the roads around here - it is amazing how connected everything is via these drain pipes."
"I just hope she didn't use the under the road drains to move south into the Fair Oaks commercial space and Hyatt hotel across the road - too many people and cars, and the chances of survival there are not good."
"According to our research, this is an extremely rare intelligence. She uses many voices to express herself, and there is almost a language in use as we understand what she wants by the way she speaks. This is the smartest cat I've ever known."
"My wife is driving in from Chicago today, and will keep up the search tomorrow while both (name removed) and I get back to work."
"This is considerably more than I suspect you want to know, but I felt that I needed to explain why I'm spending this time, in this way, instead of being at the office. I'll mark the time as vacation days. It is just something I have to do."
And no, I didn't make any of this up.
Day 2: Hunt for cat and skip entire morning.
Also Day 2: Write a ten paragraph letter about the details of the cat hunt to our entire team, trying to justify being out of work.
Day 3: Leave work at 1:30 to resume cat hunt.
Excerpts from the 10-paragraph message:
"One of my son's girl friend's Sorority sisters visited for pizza on Monday night, and left the door open when she departed. That's how this all started. Needless to say, she probably won't find us so welcoming the next time she decides to stop by. She is living down to the stereotype, unfortunately."
"Taking the cat's point of view, I found myself crawling / walking through large concrete drain pipes under the roads around here - it is amazing how connected everything is via these drain pipes."
"I just hope she didn't use the under the road drains to move south into the Fair Oaks commercial space and Hyatt hotel across the road - too many people and cars, and the chances of survival there are not good."
"According to our research, this is an extremely rare intelligence. She uses many voices to express herself, and there is almost a language in use as we understand what she wants by the way she speaks. This is the smartest cat I've ever known."
"My wife is driving in from Chicago today, and will keep up the search tomorrow while both (name removed) and I get back to work."
"This is considerably more than I suspect you want to know, but I felt that I needed to explain why I'm spending this time, in this way, instead of being at the office. I'll mark the time as vacation days. It is just something I have to do."
And no, I didn't make any of this up.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Meow, meow, meow, meow...
I am currently the Deputy Project Manager on a project for my employer. This morning, I received an e-mail from the Project Manager, titled, "I'll call in, but please start without me". He was supposed to be attending a meeting with me and several other colleagues.
In the body, it continued, "All, my son's cats got out last night, and we've spent the night looking for them. We did find one, but the other is still on the loose. We saw her several times around midnight, but have not seen her since. We've been out looking this morning since first light."
Later, when my PM had not shown up at noon (and we were supposed to be prepping for a 1330 meeting), I called him, expecting to hear that he was either walking in the building or would be there shortly.
Instead, when he answered, he told me that he was in the middle of climbing a tree because "we've looked everywhere else."
He eventually made the meeting, then left as soon as it was over to go back to "cat-hunting."
When my boss asked where the PM was, I tried to tell him, but I couldn't stop laughing. It was so absurd, it I hadn't laughed, I would have cried.
In the body, it continued, "All, my son's cats got out last night, and we've spent the night looking for them. We did find one, but the other is still on the loose. We saw her several times around midnight, but have not seen her since. We've been out looking this morning since first light."
Later, when my PM had not shown up at noon (and we were supposed to be prepping for a 1330 meeting), I called him, expecting to hear that he was either walking in the building or would be there shortly.
Instead, when he answered, he told me that he was in the middle of climbing a tree because "we've looked everywhere else."
He eventually made the meeting, then left as soon as it was over to go back to "cat-hunting."
When my boss asked where the PM was, I tried to tell him, but I couldn't stop laughing. It was so absurd, it I hadn't laughed, I would have cried.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Sh*ts McGee...
I think Snyder referred to my brother as "Shits McGee" or something similar years ago when my brother came to Tenleytown after suffering from giardiasis in the wake of a trip to Iceland.
Well, my brother's quest to get some sort of exotic intestinal disease/parasite in a 3rd world country at least once a year continues. 2008 was Guatemala. 2009 opens with a 3-month stint designing a low-cost toilet for poor people in Cambodia. Follow his sure-to-be-sh*tty adventures here.
Well, my brother's quest to get some sort of exotic intestinal disease/parasite in a 3rd world country at least once a year continues. 2008 was Guatemala. 2009 opens with a 3-month stint designing a low-cost toilet for poor people in Cambodia. Follow his sure-to-be-sh*tty adventures here.
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