Life Imitates Team America

Matt Damon, using his mad acting skillz.

Sort of Sad

This caught my eye today: the Grog and Tankard is closing/is closed. For those of you who never went there, the Grog was like the late great Ye Olde Malt Shoppe - without any of the charm (or Caleb dishing out antifreeze-laced Bud Heavy).

During my time in Glover Park, my roommates and I would occasionally wander over there. The sights included strippers off duty from JP's, pool tables not close to level, and random bands (covered in the above Post article). My favorite part about going there was when the owners tried to charge a cover - we would either start to leave and they would waive the fee or we would just wave off the request as we entered (with no objection from the owners).

That said, it was an awful, awful place. An institution. But an awful, awful place.

I love the smell...

...of Papelbon in the evening. It smells like...VICTORY.

Wal-Mart Democrats

Rahm Emanuel is pushing the absurd theory that since Wal-Mart thrived when Democrats held the White House, Wal-Mart thrived because Democrats held the White House. Of course, he say "When Democrats Are In Charge." His basic premise is that after the Republicans won Congress and Democratic hopes of a leftist utopia ushered in by Clinton--no, wait, he omitted that part.

Well, one silly assumption is no reason to ruin a good partisan rant. What he means, is that after the Democrats managed to get Congress back more recently, and have been threatening to raise taxes, prevent an increase in oil supplies, or even using useful raw materials to make energy (e.g., oil, coal, natural gas, uranium) and by the way, run companies like Wal-Mart (by which I mean companies that are Wal-Mart) out of business--no, wait, he omitted that part, too.

OK, with two such flawed arguments, I'm not sure how he manages a straight face, but I guess his point is that if you just trust him and his buddy BHO, real middle class incomes will increase, defying the laws of economics (OK, he left that qualifier out, too). But what could possibly go wrong?

Unsubscribe

Jesus, who let you guys barf all over the blargosphere? I was just directed to the comment storm here and... Wow.

No McCainiac He

I thought it was time for some counter-prop to the stuff we've been reading around here lately, and who better to deliver than Karl Rove. I think that neither his friends nor his enemies would ever describe him as a "McCainiac." I think they'd also all agree that he knows about winning close presidential elections.

Today he writes about why the VP pick may actually matter this year. And I think this comment may explain why Brian is so fond of Sen Biden:

In the vice-presidential debate, Democrats must be concerned about Mr. Biden appearing bombastic and condescending -- which is almost a permanent state of mind for the Delaware senator...

Not related to the Rove article, but I love her comparison of being Mayor to "community organizer," but with actual responsibilities. No wonder the Dems are so scared of her.

You McCainiacs Better Hope...

the country doesn't reflect this Frank Luntz focus group from CSPAN.

The Final Word on the Sarah Palin Debate

http://www.palinfacts.com/

UPDATE: This may be my favorite: Sarah Palin is the only woman who can make Tony Romo WIN a playoff.

So now the news breaks...

...conveniently on Labor Day, after the noon news, while coverage of Hurricane Gustav is ongoing... that Sarah Palin's 17 yr-old daughter is 5 months pregnant.

To me, this only reinforces the notion that Sarah Palin should be spending more time focusing on the needs of her family and less time gallivanting around the country campaigning for the vice presidency.

One might also suggest that this news is evidence that she has already not been paying enough attention to her children.

So let's see what we've got now. We've got a vice presidential candidate with a 5-month old with Down's, and a pregnant 17 yr-old?

And if she and McCain win, her daughter's going to give birth in the midst of transition activities in December or right around the Inauguration in January?

And her mom will be busy with those activities, getting briefings on the latest international crises, terrorist threats to the country, helping to interview candidates for the VP staff as well as for some of the thousands of political appointments that must be made by a new administration, moving her family from Alaska to Washington, meeting and greeting with supporters who made her victory possible -- and somehow finding time amidst her duties to work with her teen-aged daughter helping teach her how to nurse, change diapers, establish routines for that child, manage that child when it's fussy, learn how to manage her own frustration and anger when the baby has kept her up all night long and won't stop screaming, etc.?

Or will she leave her teenaged daughter at home in Alaska with her new baby and (likely) teen-aged father to fend for themselves while the rest of the family is moving into the Naval Observatory on Massachusetts Avenue?

And knowing your daughter is a teenager and is 5 months pregnant, you accepted a position that you had to know was going to result in your daughter's pregnancy being splashed across every major newspaper in the world?

If you're Sarah Palin, are you thinking about these things, or are you so ambitious that you just don't care?

Thoughts?

CALLING TODD YOUNG, CALLING TODD YOUNG...

Sarah Palin?

Sarah...Palin?

Take off your Obama-hater hat and put on your analytical hat. What do you think of this pick? What are your colleagues inside gov't saying?

Zing!

If any of you have watched the wretched ESPN show "Around the Horn", you have been exposed to Jay Mariotti (for that I'm sorry for you), who until yesterday wrote for the Chicago Sun-Times. Mariotti's style wore on me over the years and I had stopped reading him - but you couldn't get away from him because his columns always were discussed on sports radio. His pugnacious, overly-critical style suited his personality - if you can call being a complete jack-ass a personality.

Anyway, here's what the Sun-Times editor had to say about Mariotti's departure:

"We wish Jay well and will miss him—not personally, of course—but in the sense of noticing he is no longer here, at least for a few days."

Yowza!

Lemonade Stands

Walking my dog yesterday afternoon, I was confronted with one of the scourges of summer: children's lemonade stands. Rather than say no once again when they ask me whether I wanted some lemonade, I cowardly adjusted our route to avoid the stand.

I'm not proud of this, but I am ok with it.

Fake Olympic Sports

By watching this year's Olympics, I have been unfortunately exposed to the growing number of fake/craptastic/stupid sports that somehow are considered worthy of the Olympics. Here are the three that bug me the most (right now):

• beach volleyball - Dear NBC, enough already!
• trampoline
• syncrhonized diving

Most Awesomest Headline Ever

Detroit Mayor Hopes Judge Will Let Him Further Shame Democrats

And it's not even in The Onion.

EMC...

Edward Michael "Edziu" Chapin was born at 10:02 a.m. EST, at Danbury Hospital.

He takes his first name from his late great-grandfather and my maternal grandfather, Edward Danovich. He takes as his middle name the middle name of his maternal grandfather, Richard Michael Raven.

His nickname, Edziu (pronounced Ed-Ju) is a Polish affectionate nickname often used as a substitute for Edward.

And, he is beautiful.

"We are going to smash the Americans..."

"...that is what we came here to do."

"...tomorrow morning we take all that they have."

The French men's 4x100 freestyle relay team, talking to the press.

Before losing the gold medal to the American team of Michael Phelps, Garret Weber-Gale, Cullen Jones, and Jason Lezak.

Enjoy your cheese, surrender monkeys.

Oh, NBC, Why Must You Suck...

If you're NBC, and you're trying to win back viewers in the country's largest media market during the post-strike environment, what do you do?

How about:

1. Pre-empt the Season Finale of one of your most enoyable shows (Last Comic Standing) on New York's NBC HD channel without notice for NFL Preseason Football (Giants vs. Lions)

2. List LCS being moved (from 8-9:30 pm) to 10 pm-11pm on all of the cable TV programming guides, so that a) DVRs set to record LCS episodes automatically record NBC at that time; or b) live viewers will tune in expecting to see the LCS Season Finale.

3. Instead, run America's Got Talent from 10-11 pm, so that viewers (live or via DVR) will now get a full shiteous hour of America's Got (NO) Talent.

4. Don't air the heavily advertised LCS Season Finale at all, ever, on New York's NBC affiliate.

5. Now, viewers who watched LCS all season have missed the SEASON F'ING FINALE. Great job, NBC. Congratulations on that stunning display of competence. Asshats.

Weezer

I heard an ad on the radio on my way home tonight for tickets to see Weezer. I think quite a few of the folks who read this blog went with me to a Weezer show back in 1995/6 at the old Radio Music Hall (now the 9:30 Club). My recollection was that was one of the worst shows I've ever been too (and I understand Weezer is supposed to be very good). Can anyone who was there tell me if my memory is off?

We're on our way, we're on our waaaayyy, home, sweet home....

So just about now I thought I'd be writing, "It's a Boy!" or "Special Delivery!" or something similarly cornball, announcing the birth of our son. But apparently one major life event at a time is never enough in the Chapin family...and oh by the way, he hasn't come yet. Cherie's due in 2 days, and he shows little sign of budging any time soon.

No, instead I write to say -- we're coming home to Washington!

Yesterday, we were informed that Cherie has earned a promotion. She's going to be the Deputy Director of Ethics and Compliance for one of the 3 "LoBs" (Lines of Business) at her current employer.

In particular, the "Defense" Line of Business.

That job is located -- you guessed it -- in Tysons Corner, VA.

So, the Chapin Family will soon begin the process of moving itself from Connecticut to the Washington, DC metro area.

It will be a long process, as we'll take time out for maternity leave over the next 3 months, and then Cherie will probably spend 30 days wrapping up responsibilities here.

But, some time in November/December, we'll return to a place we called home for many years, and are excited to call home once again.

Huzzah!

Glad I Clicked on this Link

Lewis and Chapin may recognize the wife of this guy (the mayor of Berwyn Heights, wherever that is) whose house was raided after accepting a 32 pound brick of marijuana. I believe she was in the honors program with us, though not on our floor. Seems like a very weird story altogether though.

A Guide to Metal

This video is not safe for work. It opens with the lines, "Not everyone likes metal. F*CK THEM!" It is, however, quite humorous. And reminiscent of a former fellow resident.

A wonderful memory sullied...

In the winter of 1992-93, I was a senior at Ramstein American High School, located on the premises of Ramstein Air Force Base and a short drive from the German town of Landstuhl. I was also the president of RAHS' chapter of the National Honor Society.

Like many NHS chapters, we chose a service project to give back to our community. Our project that winter was to remodel the Family Waiting Room for the Intensive Care Unit at what was at the time known as Landstuhl Army Regional Medical Center (LARMC). It has since dropped the "Army" from its title.

At the time, Landstuhl was lesser known than its cousin to the north, the Wiesbaden military hospital. For any who may remember, the US hostages taken during the Iranian Revolution were flown to and treated at Wiesbaden following their release in 1981. Partly as a result of not being well-known (and also because the Army is just generally bad at facilities upkeep, a truth brought home by the appalling conditions at Walter Reed Army Hospital), several facilities within LARMC were in disrepair.

The project came out of a tour of Landstuhl the NHS took as it was considering potential service projects. During our tour, I noticed family members sleeping in a waiting room for the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). I also noticed that the room in which they slept was enclosed by stained walls covered in peeling paint, and filled with furniture that was broken and/or stained and so small and uncomfortable as to make sleeping (or even sitting for long periods of time) deeply uncomfortable, if not impossible. The room and its furniture clearly had not been updated in decades.

I was appalled, and so were my classmates. We could not imagine that family members sitting vigil, awaiting word of the fate of a loved one fighting for his or her life, were forced to endure such awfulness in an already terrible situation.

Back at RAHS, we made a quick decision to make the renovation of that Family Waiting Room our Winter/Spring Service Project.

Over several snowy days in December 1992/January 1993, we raised money for funding, scraped and painted walls, scrapped the old furniture, and hunted down and purchased new sofas and recliners that would make sleeping and/or sitting much more palatable. When we were done, that Family Waiting Room looked like new. I was prouder then of that service project than of any individual academic or athletic achievement.

For many years, the memory of that service project has been one of my most fond memories. As Landstuhl has received frequent mention in the press as the primary treatment facility for veterans wounded grievously in Afghanistan and Iraq, I have recalled my experience at Landstuhl, glad that we may have made families a little more comfortable -- and I have wondered whether that facility, getting much more use now than then, is in need of another renovation.

Then, in the last week, I've been sickened by the use of Landstuhl and its wounded residents as a political football by the McCain campaign. Whatever you think of the wisdom of the move (I think he should have gone), Barack Obama and his campaign made a good-faith effort to avoid politicizing the facility by not going when he and his campaign perceived that the trip to visit wounded soldiers at Landstuhl might be politicized.

Now, John McCain, in a dishonest, disingenuous ad, and with words used during campaign stops, is using Landstuhl and its wounded veterans for shallow, temporary political advantage. It is deeply inappropriate and it makes me nauseous.

It shocks me that a military veteran and former POW, who knows and understands intimately the sacrifices endured by wounded veterans, would think for one moment of using them as part of a political ploy. His willingness to do so, and in fact his campaign's insistence on continuing to doing so in the face of evidence contradicting his charge (see linked article above), is craven. It demonstrates that he values the short-term political value of pasting his opponent with a tag of "military-hating liberal" more than he does the concept of honoring the sacrifice of wounded veterans by keeping them off the political playing field. In so doing, he has proven that he is unfit for the highest office in the land.

He has clearly lost himself in his desperation to be president. It's sickening, and it's sad. And though I was considering it, I will no longer consider voting for John McCain. He has sullied my memories, sullied his campaign, and sullied himself with this disgusting gambit. He should be ashamed of himself. I pray only that the American public sees this shameful ploy for what it is and, if he continues it, rejects it soundly in November. Pathetic.

1999 Called...

...it wants its sequel back.

Isn't this a little odd. I mean, if the main movie-going public are teenagers and college kids (I have no idea if that's correct by the way) then that audience has almost no exposure to the X-Files, which ceased to be on the air 10 years ago. Who is going to watch this?

What...

...is this?

A) An Irish links-style golf course located about 30 minutes from my house;
B) Home to a course designed and built by the Irish Golf Association, because they could not find an adequately authentic Irish links-style golf course in the US;
C) Home to one of the most beautiful, engaging, and challenging courses I've ever played;
D) Home to my first (and probably last) HOLE IN ONE!
E) ALL OF THE ABOVE

Hint: Pick E. More details at my blog....

The New Atlantis was on "Penn & Teller's Bullshit"

You guys watch Penn & Teller's Bullshit, right? You saw this weekend's episode about NASA? Did you notice the guy from The New Atlantis being interviewed?

Why Democrats are the way they are

I think we've all wondered, from time to time, "Just what the fuck is wrong with Democrats?"

Thanks to Sen Harry Reid, now we know. Apparently, they didn't get the message that you're not supposed to drink the oil--you're supposed to burn the oil.

Fringe Benefits...

One of the fringe benefits of my job is that I get to sit here on certain afternoons while I a) participate in a conference call; and b) work on end-of-month financials. Mmmm, beer.

Someone Was Paid to Write These Stories

Only in America.

Boy George denied entry into the U.S. - this guy has some weird problems.

Shaq loses badge over Kobe rap - the bigger question is, who gave him a badge in the first place?

No good deed...

This WTF kinda reminds me of a guy I know who used to live in Germany...

The Myth of Multitasking

Check it out, Keiper's rag made the front page of slashdot. Wonder if this will be good or bad for him?

Least Surprising Revelation Ever

Don't know how many of you are watching the Real World Hollywood...anyone?...anyone?...but I finally watched last week's episode where Joey leaves the house for good to deal with his drug and alcohol problem. As he's leaving, he recounts how he first got hooked on illegal drugs at 19 when he started using anabolic steroids.

If you have watched this show at all, it is the least surprising revelation ever. I don't think it even counts as a revelation. This guy was so clearly roided up that it would have been a revelation if he got that way WITHOUT using steroids. And does MTV bear some responsibility for casting this guy on the show where he undoubtedly would come across copious amounts of drugs and alcohol?

Anyway, just thought I'd throw that in - parents, don't let your children grow up to appear on the Real World.

Light It Up, Red...

2008 NBA Champions

I do believe...

I smell a championship.

101-70, Celtics over the Lakers, with 9:07 to play. Beautiful.

Explain to me, O Padres Fan...

(that's you, Cheshire) why the NL West is so poo-poo.

McCain Just Lost the Malt Shop Vote

"I will veto every single beer."

Todd Young Maltcast - Part Two

Here's the second part of the podcast with Tood - discussing our racist landlord and dead landlords. And Todd sings Paul Williams' greatest hit: The Buffalohead song.

Whoa, It's Todd

The podcast is back - in two parts. Part one is a talk with Todd Young, aka, Rod Hung, aka, Mom, about AU's Conduct Council - including Conduct Council's most famous case.

I have just one word to say about...

tonight's Last Comic Standing (because I can't stand to watch Game 1 of the Lakers-Celtics opener until at least the 3rd quarter): WHOOOOOOORRRRRRRE!!

God-damn that was funny ( and sick).

ESPN Classic = Fail

Does anyone know what happened to ESPN Classic? It used to be such an entertaining channel. Now it's a crap fest of late 80s American Gladiators reruns and auto auctions.

The Original 44th St. Hibachi Story...

I had multiple fun stories with the hibachi -- but the original story of the hibachi at 44th St revolved around my erroneous belief that the bottom of the hibachi was built to be "heat-proof".

I didn't realize that...the hibachi...had legs.

So, I set the hibachi down on its metal bottom on the wooden sill of the porch.
I lit it, put the chicken on, and walked away.

I came back some time later to find small flames licking up from beneath the hibachi. I immediately grabbed the hibachi, put it down on the floor of the porch (where it melted the indoor-outdoor carpet), and yelled to Chris, "Hey, can you get me a glass of water?"

He replied, jokingly, "Why, is the chicken on fire?"

I shot back, "No. the porch is."

A ha ha ha ha hilarity ensued........

Gen Y Thinks We Care What They Think

Check out this story about Northwestern seniors upset that their commencement speaker is the Mayor of Chicago. I did like the response of NU's president to one of the students, though. Gen Y is stupid.

Things That Make You Go "PHOOM!"

Summer's practically here in San Diego, and I threw out my old $10 charcoal grill a few months ago. To replace it, I purchased one of those hibachi style propane grills at the local drug store. Also $10. You know the kind: Chapin nearly burned the house down with one.

Do you know how useful the gas regulators are on those things? I'll give you a hint: it rhymes with "Snot at all." Of course, it took a mighty "PHOOM!!" thundering through the front door to illustrate this fact clearly to Nicole and me. It had only been lit for 2 minutes before the damned thing became a raging inferno of flaming propane and aluminum.

I'm smarter than Chapin. I know this. Except I now have evidence to the contrary.

Faith

A little bit of my faith in the world was restored today, when I learned that you can still get bubblegum cigarettes from the right sort of ice cream truck. And that my daughter bought a pack.

50 games in...

The Red Sox have completed 50 games -- or approximately 30.8% of the 2008 MLB regular season.

At this point, they stand at 31-19. They are #1 in the AL East, #1 in the AL, have the most wins in MLB, the best winning percentage in MLB, are ranked #2 in team batting, #7 in team pitching (ranked by Batting Average Against), and #11 in team fielding according to fielding percentage (.985). Now, subtracting Julio Lugo, that might go up significantly -- he has 11 of Boston's 28 errors. Subtract Lugo, and Boston has the most error-free defense in the league at a .991 fielding percentage.

All of this is to say, it's shaping up to be another fine year to be a member of Red Sox Nation.

2003 -- ALDS champs, ALCS losers
2004 -- ALDS champs, ALCS champs, World Series Champs
2005 -- ALDS losers
2007 ALDS champs, ALCS champs, World Series Champs
2008 -- Defending World Series Champs

A Question for the Two of You Who Watch "How I Met Your Mother"

Has a main character on a TV show ever been the least interesting character on that show? Really. This is a question that must be answered.

Hadn't Thought About This in a While

I opened my Chicago Tribune today to find this story in there.

It's weird the things that slip from your mind. 20 years ago, my grade school, 2-3 blocks from the grade school where the shooting happened was on lockdown. The kid who was killed lived behind my parents' house at one time and next door to one of my classmates. The teacher of the classroom (not the substitute) was the wife of my grade school's former p.e. teacher. And the college student who was shot was from my parish and the brother of a guy a year behind me in school who was locked down with us at the time.

Anyway a downer of a story but quite the flashback to 7th grade.

New Malt Shop Logic Podcast

Snyder and I talk about NASCAR, the end of Metacrawler, Brandl's request to join the Malt Shop Logic family and whether Joe's quilt deserved it.

And it's under 40 minutes! Listen here.

speaking of housekeeping

After 14 half-assed years (the last six of them bankrupt and out of business), Metacrawler finally remembered to turn off its free e-mail service.

The mattsnyder@metacrawler.com address goes away ca. June 6. It is replaced effective today with snyder.matthew.r@gmail.com though I suggest using my work address if you are interested in reaching me more quickly.

F technology.

What was that I had said about Obama being "Reaganesque"?

Seems I'm not the only one who thinks so...see George Will's quote below from his most recent column. The entire column can be found here.

"McCain's problem might turn out to be the fact that Obama is the Democrats' Reagan. Obama's rhetorical cotton candy lacks Reagan's ideological nourishment, but he is Reaganesque in two important senses: People like listening to him, and his manner lulls his adversaries into underestimating his sheer toughness -- the tempered steel beneath the sleek suits."

Housekeeping Note

You'll see to the right that I have added Brian's blog to our exclusive list of links here at maltshoplogic.

Also, I expect to have a new podcast up by Sun./Mon. That is all.

The Rant of All Rants

As I mentioned in my podcast with Joe, this is a tremendous year of Cubs anniversaries. The first one arrives tomorrow. 25 years ago on April 29, 1983, then-Cubs manager Lee Elia delivered one of the most famous tirades of all time. It is well-worth a listen. This is an understatement, but suffice it to say, this is NSFW.

Things that make Matt happy

1. Winning AHL Playoff Hockey (3 games into the series...all three have gone to OT... and the home team's up 2-1 after a 16-game winning streak to earn home ice for the playoffs).

2. Guttermouth's "Hot Dog to the Head."

3. Fishing season starts in a week.

4. Happy hour starts in four hours.

You Play Who You Play

Chicago Cubs fans opened their Chicago Tribune on Monday morning to read a spate of stories about how the Cubs may be 12-6, but six of those wins came against the lowly Pittsburgh Pirates. (The Pirates may have been 7-11 at the time, but that does mean that they were 7-5 against non-Cub opponents.)

These stories took me back to this blog in May of 2005 when a certain Red Sox fan wrote this. I didn't think it held water then - my response was here - and it was the opposite of prescient given that season's outcome. I think the same thing today. You play who you play. It's not college basketball where you set up a challenging schedule to test your team. It's baseball.

Anyway, I hope we won't be seeing those stories for a while after the Cubs demolished the Mets in two games by a total score of 15-3 or something like that. But then again, sportswriters have to write something.

You're an old, old man in a young, young crowd

Happy Birthday Matt!

More bluntly

I don't trust that any of my governments are competent enough to organize taking a crap, much less the administration of death.

In the wake of today's decision...

...by the Supreme Court, I ask ye who read this blog, "Do you support the death penalty?"

I support a death penalty as the ultimate punitive measure taken by a civilized society in response to heinous criminal behavior that alienates man from his fellow men. If liberty is the most sacred possession of man, and life is the most basic form of liberty, and deprivation of liberty is an appropriate sanction for criminal behavior, then execution represents the ultimate deprivation of liberty by a society. And, I support the right of society to express and demonstrate its disapproval of heinous criminal behavior by implementing this ultimate sanction.

However, from a practical perspective, I would hold any state to the following requirements:

1. Death must be restricted to sanctioning what society considers the most awful and heinous crimes -- say, multiple murders, multiple rapes, etc.

2. The implementation of the death penalty must be predicated on a process of investigation, trial, and appeals, that includes the following:

A. A comprehensive investigation process that thoroughly and competently investigates crimes and yields...
B. Evidence that leaves no reasonable doubt of guilt
C. A competent jury following the judge's instructions, focused on the evidence, and untainted by bias(es) that might result in improper verdicts
D. A prosecution that operates above reproach and rigorously follows criminal law procedures and rules of evidence
E. An effective defense
F. A judge interested solely in the administration of justice
G. An appeals process that thoroughly and effectively investigates and adjudicates all possible faults in the investigatory and trials phase of the process

In our country, we've had significant problems meeting the criteria above. In fact, the American Bar Association is so deeply concerned about the administration of the death penalty that in 2001, it launched the "Death Penalty Moratorium Implementation Project." The ABA has stated that, "Over the course of the past thirty years, the American Bar Association (ABA) has become increasingly concerned that capital jurisdictions too often provide neither fairness nor accuracy in the administration of the death penalty."

Beginning in 2003, it undertook to investigate death penalty implementation, starting with 8 sample states -- Ohio, Alabama, Arizona, Indiana, Pennsylvania, Georgia, Tennessee, and Florida. The goal is to assess the extent to which state capital crime adjudication processes "achieve fairness and provide due process".

After studying state performance using local legal experts examining compliance with 93 ABA protocols in 12 different categories, the ABA found that "the process" of implementing the death penalty in those states is "deeply flawed". 5 of the 8 local legal teams representing the ABA were so disturbed by their findings that they recommended immediate moratoria on the use of the death penalty. Those teams were from Alabama, Georgia, Indiana, Ohio and Tennessee. The press release describing the study's findings can be found here.

The ABA's conclusions comport with other studies and build a powerful case for the conclusion that in our country, we do a poor job of administering the death penalty. This means that we try, convict, and possibly execute innocent people -- and this is unacceptable.

So, though I support the death penalty philosophically, I do not support it as administered in this country.

So I have a new blog...

Ok, technically, it's not new.

Four years ago, not long after Matt, Amanda, Josh, etc., started using LiveJournal, I decided I'd do the same. And then I promptly ignored my own blog in favor of Malt Shop Logic for 4 years. Well, I've finally begun to use it. Click here to read my Nomadic Scribblings.....................

Denied...but that's ok.

The recent interview process I referred to on this blog has concluded with a negative answer from the firm interested in hiring me. But, that's ok. Go here to read more detail....

The very best thing

Yes, I fight dirty.

Cut-and-paste,

http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/

Well, My System Works (This Year, At Least)

Too bad I didn't follow it all the way to get the correct championship game (which is exactly why I have a system to prevent me from outthinking myself). Here's your top 5 Adjusted Scoring Margin rankings for this year's tournament and the finish:

1. Kansas 22.2 - Championship Game
2. Memphis 21.1 - Championship Game
3. UNC 19.5 - Final Four
4. Duke 18.5 - Second Round
5. UCLA 17.2 - Final Four

Here's your top 8 Efficiency Margin (major conference games only) rankings for this year's tournament and finish:

1. Memphis 28.78 - Championship Game
2. Kansas 24.23 - Championship Game
3. Wisconsin 18.34 - Sweet 16
4. UCLA 17.26 - Final Four
5. Tennessee 15.01 - Sweet 16
6. UNC 14.67 - Final Four
7. Louisville 14.65 - Elite 8
8. Xavier 14.41 - Elite 8

The system, having been redeemed, shall be posted next year.

Goddamn Cubs Thud

Season's first crack o' the bat... and one over the fence.

Here we go again.

On the bright side, the hometown AHL squad is at nine wins and running (a team record) and points in the last 17 (AHL record is 23) and has clinched the playoffs, and is on the way to home ice with four games to go.

And the caps -- yes, the lowly caps! Are one point out with four to go.

SU basketball? Maybe not so much.

Freeeeeedoommmmmmm!

Since October, I've been working on a project unlike any other I've ever worked on in my professional career. It focused on one of the most important basic services -- emergency response -- that any city/state/federal level government can perform. Yet, it was also the most dysfunctional, awful project I've EVER worked on.

Not until this particular project did I ever feel a degree of misery about going to work on a daily basis. But on this project, I HATED going to work. Quite literally, I was stuck between multiple warring parties who all used my presence, and the presence of our team, as a proxy for their fights. The cops hate the firefighters, the firefighters hate the cops, they both hate the executive branch leader, the executive branch leader hates each of them, they're all stuck together working on this initiative, and they all use us to fight battles against each other.

Every day, we were screamed at, stabbed in the back, lied to, lied about, accused of every type of improper behavior one can think of, threatened, and spied on.

Yesterday, I escaped. I'm off that project and on to another. I've never felt so happy to leave a client environment. I actually skipped out of the building I was so damn happy to leave and NEVER, EVER, EVER come back.

Then, I enjoyed a few drinks here. I highly recommend it if you're ever in town.

To be sung...

to the tune of Skip to My Lou...(yes, I've been spending too much time around my small child)...

I just don't give a shit
I just don't give a shit
I just don't give a shit
About my current project

I wish my clients would die
I wish my clients would die
I wish my clients would die
In a blazing inferno

Then I'd laugh till I cried
Then I'd laugh till I cried
Then I'd laugh till I cried
Because they're all morons

Now I feel better.

16 for 16

Before today's results ruin it, just thought I'd point out that my stupid system that I usually post but did not this year was 16 for 16 yesterday in the NCAA tournament. That's great.

What's disconcerting is that the system is designed to get Elite 8 and Final 4 teams, not get every first round game right. So, overall, this could be trouble.

Drink Club

To paraphrase Tyler Durden:

The first rule of Drink Club is: You do not photograph Drink Club.
The second rule of Drink Club is: You do not photograph Drink Club.

Judging by the internet, some of you have forgotten these rules.

New Podcast

There's a new Malt Shop Logic Podcast here:

http://www.archive.org/details/MaltShopLogicPodcast-March182008

It's a double preview edition of the podcast as Rob Spuhler leverages his MLS knowledge as a beat writer covering Chivas USA to try to explain what this thing called soccer is and we look ahead to the NCAA tournament. There is no truth to the rumor that I suggest that AU maybe can sort of win on Friday. Not all that much truth at least.

BTW, sorry for the length. I have lost my disciplined timekeeping skills, plus the MLS is actually pretty interesting.

The argument will resume...

Gentlemen,

We will resume the discussion tomorrow afternoon after I complete my 3rd interview at a potential new employer...currently scheduled for 12:30 tomorrow.

Crisis over...

Audrey, Cherie, and I are home. Tired, no, exhausted, but home. We were discharged after Audrey continued to show significant positive progress. Her infection is receding, the swelling has all but disappeared, and we're happy that she's no longer hooked up to tubes in the hospital. She'll have another 10 days' worth of prescription antibiotics to take, and several follow-up appts. to make, but other than that, she should be ok.

No word on how exactly she contracted cellulitis, but it apparently can be caused by an existing, persistent sinus infection, which Audrey did have for the last week or two. It's not directly contagious, because the infection occurs in the deeper layers of the skin and the bacteria don't normally migrate to the surface of the skin.

But, man, this experience both sucked and blew.

We interrupt this history-making basketball game to bring you life-threatening illness...

Friday afternoon, while plotting how to catch part of the Patriot League Championship on TV, I received a call from Cherie. She was at daycare with Audrey, who had awakened from a mid-day nap with her right eye swollen shut. It didn't look like pink-eye -- no oozing, no crustiness. Instead, it looked like someone had punched her in the eye, and she was developing the kind of swelling above and below her eye that a day or two later would yield a black eye.

Cherie and I debated whether to take her to a doctor. We had just about decided to just take her home, put her to bed, and see how she looked in the morning. But something kept nagging at Cherie and me, and we talked ourselves back into a Friday night trip to the emergency room.

After several hours of mostly waiting through various stages of triage, we saw a Physician's Assistant. She agreed with us that Audrey's eye looked "injured, not infected". But she second-guessed herself and later brought in a doctor for a second opinion, and it may have saved Audrey's eyesight or even her life.

It turns out that Audrey had peri-orbital cellulitis. For those of you who aren't doctors, that's a bacterial infection of the skin or connective tissues of the body, and in this case, tissues in and around the "bony cavity" surrounding the eye. While it doesn't manifest itself in an obvious way, it's often aggressive, and without immediate treatment can rapidly transition into a life-threatening condition. Untreated for only a short period of time, it can lead to very serious consequences for its victims -- most often blindness, and/or meningitis and/or a brain abcess.

By the time we got Audrey seen and correctly diagnosed, the disease was making that transition from serious annoyance to serious condition. Audrey was admitted to the hospital and started a course of very powerful antibiotics delivered intravenously.

Throughout the night, and again today, she's been pumped full of drugs. The swelling, which at first worsened, has receded significantly, and Audrey appears to be on the mend. Provided all is well, she will be discharged tomorrow and we will all go home.

For now, I am thankful for the medical staff at Danbury Hospital, who have once again earned my admiration for their competence and compassion. They were phenomenal in 2006 when Audrey was born, they were tremendous when Audrey tumbled down the stairs last summer, and they have been phenomenal this weekend.

And, I am thankful for Cherie, who proved again this weekend that when a serious situation arises, she rises to the occasion. She has been patient, calm, and strong at every turn -- and has been great with Audrey. Just a great, great mom during a difficult time. As a dad and partner, it makes me love her all the more when she responds this way to a crisis. Damn, she's a good woman.

A Report from Illini Nation...

...that does not involve Obamania. Since the other blog is the province of AU-phoria, let me point out the University of Minnesota's ridonkulous last second win over Indiana. Who cares? This Illinois fan does. I have been quite a critic of the Big Ten Network-Comcast feud this year until basketball season rolled around and the bevy of Illini games on BTN thankfully prevented me from watching some awful basketball.

All of sudden, though, Illinois is winning close games they used to be losing and get to play Minny instead of Indiana in the Big Ten tournament semis tomorrow.

Nine years ago, the somewhat infamous Chris Close-victory jig was inaugurated in 44th St, NW when the #11 seed Illinois Fighting Illini defeated the #2 seed Ohio State Buckeyes in the Big Ten tourney semis. The task tomorrow is somewhat less daunting. Could one of the worst Illinois teams ever make it to the NCAA tournament by running the table in the Big 11 tournament? Looks much more likely than it did just a few hours ago.

That is all.

The [half?] bright side

I've been trying to come up with something positive if Obama were to get into the White House. So far, the only thing I can come up with is that if we've elected a black guy (ok, he's only half, but still) as president, then we should be ready ahead of the 25 year schedule set out by our genius Supreme Court to toss out affirmative action.

Or, if you believe Gerard Ferraro, maybe that's why he got the job in the first place.

New Music Bleg

If you happened to catch Saturday Night Live this week (or tivo-ed it as the case may be), you saw a hilarious opening sketch (well, at least the first four minutes) and if you didn't skip through the musical act were introduced to Vampire Weekend.

I am now completely enthralled with this band's music. But that's not the bleg - this is: where do all of you find new bands to listen to - and by that I mean before they end up on SNL? I'm just curious as my local radio stations, at least the ones I listen to, do not seem to be helping me out.

Thanks for your guidance.

World, prepare thyself...

Chapin baby #2 arrives approximately August 8, 2008. We'll find out next Thursday (Mar. 20th) whether we're unleashing a boy or girl upon the unsuspecting denizens of this planet........

Politics Is Interesting Again

I have to say, that Democratic primary for president has made politics interesting again. Who knew in this day and age that we could end up with a political convention that actually matters.

What this contest has also reintroduced us to is something that I thought was lost forever: the Clinton in-fighting story. Check out this story from today's Post for a hilarious account of how everyone on her campaign hates each other.

It would be quite a loss for newspaper reporters if the Clintons leave us too soon.

TSA Gangstaz

I assure you, this is not safe for work.

A Very Special Podcast

The American, card carrying union member-equivalent of Jose Weinbergo joins us for the podcast to talk MLB, crapping at the Malt Shop, and how he "got a scholarship."

http://www.archive.org/details/MaltShopLogicPodcast-February292008

Calling all job-seekers....

All:

My current employer is seeking employees to fill vacancies. Despite the problems the company writ large has had, my segment, Public Services, is the top performing business unit in the entire company. We are profitable and growing, have well over $1 billion in work, and we need new people. If you have friends, particularly in the DC area, who are looking for management/technology consulting work in any of the following "hot" areas, let me know:


1. TS (Top Secret), TS/SCI and TS/SCI with Poly active security clearances (all skills)
2. Federal Financial Management (Civilian, DoD, A-123, accounting, audit, finance, budget, cost analysis, acquisition)
3. Federal Contracts and Compliance
4. Advisors – must be willing to work in challenging international environments (think Aghanistan/Iraq) (pension, finance, post-conflict resolution, public services, infrastructure, IT, legal, policy, management consulting)
5. Application Development (Java, J2EE, .Net, SQL, SharePoint, MOSS, Documentum)
Network/Systems Administration & ITIL
6. Management Consulting - Previous consulting experience and advanced degrees required (Human Capital, Business Transformation, Six Sigma Black Belt/MBB, Performance Management, Training/Instructional Design)
7. Information Assurance/Security
8. Enterprise Architecture, Systems Architecture & Service-Oriented Architecture
9. Database Development/Administration (Informatica, Oracle, SQL Server)
10. Business Intelligence (Cognos, Business Objects)
11. Project Management (PMI certified)

And yes, I'm putting this out there because I get anywhere from $1K-$3K as a referral depending on the level of "referred" employee.

The coarsening of me....

After one of my recent rants on his blog, Josh asked, "What happened to the fun-loving Chapin....?"

Josh, my answer is, "New York happened."

New York City is more crowded than you can appreciate unless you've spent a significant amount of time living or working here, and have lived or worked in other large cities not afflicted with New York's mob.

The subways are always jammed with people. The sidewalks are always jammed with people. The elevators are always jammed with people. Restaurants, bathrooms, stairwells, parks -- every public space is always crowded.

In New York, you cannot walk anywhere without constantly being bumped, jostled, and squeezed. In the subways, and on the platforms, you can't stand anywhere without being constantly compressed. I don't suffer from claustrophobia, but there have been more than a few days when I've been panicky to get aboveground after a particularly bad subway experience and deeply grateful for at least a moment of space and a breath of fresh air as I rise out of the Fulton Street 4-5 station.

When I first arrived in Manhattan, if I bumped into someone -- or got bumped -- my first reaction was to feel embarrassed or impolite and apologize.

Now, I scan the crowds in front of me, looking for pathways through the mob, and if someone bumps me or gets in my way, my first mental reaction is often, "Eh -- f*** you!" It gets to the point where you might actually enjoy bumping other people who are clearly new to NYC's rhythms (or oblivious to them), and do not realize they should not get in the way of a NYC veteran moving from Point A to Point B.

As I said on Josh's blog, I call it "Full Contact Walking". And I'm not alone -- many of my colleagues and friends have similar terms for what has nearly become a pastime.

Finally, the crowding here means that it takes forever to get anywhere. I routinely commute 90-120 minutes each way per day. Now, I live 30 miles away from NYC. But, my friends who live on the Upper East Side, or the Upper West Side, or in Queens, routinely commute 60-90 minutes one-way via the subway to get to lower Manhattan. And they live barely a few miles away from the southernmost tip of Manhattan.

The constant fighting through crowds toughens you, roughens you, makes you less patient, more aggressive -- it's why New Yorkers have the reputation they do -- New York City molds its residents. It has certainly coarsened me. I've already had a few "Hey, f*** you, pal!" moments --even with (well-deserving) women.

So, Josh, there's your answer.

Primary strategies

I decided after all to treat the primary like I normally treat the Superbowl. There was no one worth rooting for, but I could find someone to root against. I chose to root against B. Hussein Obama. I even got on the news. Here's something I'll bet that no one who knows me would have ever predicted (from the local CBS morning news):

Bye-Ku

Seventeen billion
Not enough profit. Got out
Before my job cut.

With the perspective of all of 24 hours, let me say this: I could not be happier to be out of BP. It wasn’t a complete waste of 14 months, but that company is in chaos right now. I think it’s actually headed in the right direction (when you’re going to be laying off people who only have one hour of work a day, you’re at least finally correcting some major mistakes), but I’ll take a safe seat in another large company any day.

See ya, BP!

Primary Candidate Dilemma Solved!

For those of you pained by the lack of quality candidates, I figure it's time to declare my write-in candidacy and officially throw my hat in the ring.

My platform is simple: End Poverty! (Kill the Poor)
World Peace! (Nuke Mecca...and France)

Cut marginal tax rates and eliminate capital gains taxes. End Medicare and Social Security. Annex Canada, and sell Quebec to the French. I guess we'd have to do that BEFORE we nuke them. Suckers.

Vote Freedom! Vote Renkey!

Primary musings

I'm going to pull a Chappy and write a long post.

If nothing else, it's been an interesting primary season. Going in to it, I was planning on voting for Rudy, before he dropped out. Of course, now I'm told that he's a moderate, apparently because of his social views. What interests me about this is that even though it seems to be how most of the talking heads evaluate a candidate's conservativeness, it really doesn't seem to be a good yard stick for Rudy, at least pragmatically.

Unless you're talking gun control, he's basically in line with the most socially conservative agenda. There's really not much more than appointing judges that a president can do about abortion. And there's probably not too much that can be done about gun control. Even so, I believe that Bush has filed a brief in support of DC's handgun ban, and no one's ever accused Bush of being for gun control.

So my summary of Rudy would be: wants to cut taxes, big time hawk, in favor of legal abortion and some limits on gun rights (though his stated position on the main lever he has--judges--for these issues would likely tilt the other way on both). Plus, I figured that having grown up politically in a hostile NYC media environment would have made him able to fight back against Hillary or whatever happened with that other party. But his campaign strategy obviously didn't pay off.

The buzz on Huckabee has me baffled, too. He's always (unless you're listening to Rush or Hannity) referred to as a conservative, and lots of self identified conservatives seem to be voting for him. The general consensus seems to be that he's siphoning conservative votes from Romney. He's definitely in line with the social conservative wing, but otherwise, he's always struck me as a guy in the wrong party. He supports the Fair Tax, which is apparently big in some libertarian-esque circles. It's an interesting idea, but one that I don't think would work the way they say it would. And the way that they calculate the rate is really misleading, so that's another strike against it. Not to mention the fact that unless you repealed the income tax, there's no way that any tax will replace the income tax instead of supplement it.

Then, of course, there's McCain. There's no way I would ever vote for him in a primary, and it's no sure thing that I would in a general election. He's basically a hawk. He's also a main opponent of free [political] speech. He likes to take on pork barrel spending (though in reality, it's not the bridges to nowhere that are the problem, it's the entitlements, stupit). He's voted against lowering taxes several times, so I'm not sure I believe him now that he wants my vote that he'll be for lowering them when in the White House. His gang of 14 stunt was questionable. In short, I suspect that if elected, he'd be a collaborator with the Democrats just like he is right now in the Senate. And because he's Republican, he'd probably be able to get enough Rs to go along with whatever Nancy Reid and Harry Pelosi can come up with. At least if it were a Dem in the Oval Office, the Republicans wouldn't be fooled by the President's party into supporting so many stupid things as I suspect will come from McCain.

I guess that means I'll pull the lever for Romney, but I have very little confidence in this guy. I suppose some leeway is in order for evaluating his Taxachussetts administration, but seriously, his health care reform really stinks like HillaryCare-lite. He's another one who's only recently found the "Reagan-conservative" religion.

In praise of recession...

Among the folks who contribute to this blog, and I'm thinking particularly of Paul, Todd, Chris, and Matt Lewis, I would venture to say that I am one of the contributors least schooled in economic theory. So I'll preface the rest of this post with this admission -- it's steeped in at least some ignorance. Having said that...

I don't believe in government economic stimulus for the purpose of rescuing a faltering US economy. I don't believe it's appropriate, and I don't believe it will be effective.

As I understand it, the present global economic decline has been caused by a series of bad decisions made by institutions and individuals, particularly in the US, over the last several years. Those decisions include:

1. Credit lending firms began offering sizable credit lines to persons with shaky credit;
2. Mortgage firms lowered their lending standards;
3. Mortgage firms devised new mortgage devices, particularly the Adjustable Rate Mortgage, or "ARM", which in many cases offered minimal to non-existent downpayments coupled with a short-term, low "teaser" interest rate, for anywhere for 2-5 years, before exposing lendees to potentially large expansions in interest rates;
4. Investing institutions all over the world acquired and otherwise invested in these credit and mortgage firms.

5. Individuals previously incapable of acquiring mortgages or large credit lines acquired both.

After these decisions were implemented, many individuals and institutions began defaulting on their credit payment obligations; home and business owners proved incapable of meeting the terms of their ARM lending agreements, and subsequently suffered the inception of foreclosure procedures against their properties; credit firms and mortgage firms began to suffer as defaults piled up; institutions that had invested in such credit and mortgage firms began suffering as their investments tanked; and confidence in the global economy at stock exchanges around the world declined.

Consequently, three things have happened: individuals have lost their homes and found themselves in debt; the institutions (JP Morgan, Citibank, etc.) that suffered as a result of bad investments have taken steps to weather this current "crisis" -- they have made corrections in their investment strategies and secured funding from other investment houses and governments to offset their losses; and, governments, especially our government, have wrung their hands about creating a "stimulus" package to protect the US economy against further decline and to lessen the impact of the decline on individual US citizens, particularly the "middle class" and "working class".

I am highly skeptical of any "economic stimulus" package put together by our government for two reasons.

First, I don't think it's appropriate for the government to intervene in this situation in a manner that would obscure or soften the consequences of bad decisionmaking by actors in this economy. People shouldn't spend to the limit on their Capital One credit cards, and they shouldn't take on shady mortgages that promise low teaser interest rates and low/no downpayments on the front end with potentially huge interest rates on the back end. Don't know what the LIBOR is, and didn't bother to look it up before signing the mortgage papers? Well, now you have to learn the hard way to read before signing.

Institutions should have to take the steps they are already taking to correct investment strategy errors. For some, if that means going out of business, so be it -- that's the way the economy works, no?

Second, the US government should not pretend to address softness in the economy by doling out small amounts of money on the false premise that it's going to have a significant impact on the economy. It won't. Will it make me feel good for a day to hold that check? Yes. Might it prop up the sales of Best Buy or Circuit City for a week? Yes. Will it fix the problems that afflict our economy? Not a chance.

Will someone please explain to me why I'm wrong?

Yay?

Because someone won't let us post images in our comments, I'm forced to reply as a post.

Ruh, roh

Heard from my new job today. Turns out my department is having an offsite the second week I'm there and I'll be going of course. And for the third time in under two years, I will be going to San Diego for work.

It's times like these that I think of Josh and am reminded of these lines from John Donne:

Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.

Sorry, buddy. I'll be in town Feb 18-20. Will send details when I have them.

What a f***ing waste......

Heath Ledger, a prodigious acting talent, and one of my favorite actors, died today in New York City. New York is actually so entertainment-obsessed that his death led the local news.

Heath joins the roster of Hollywood talents who have found death too young. He was only 28.

But all I can think is, there's another 2-year old without a father for the rest of her life.

It's been reported in the New York Times that prescription sleeping pills were found in his bedroom. If he overdosed, he deserves a kick in the head, even if he is already dead.

25 Days, 11 hrs, and counting...

...until pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training. And, as I write this, I'm watching the 2007 World Series Film on my DVR. Damn, it's good to be a Red Sox fan in the early years of the 21st century.

2003 -- won ALDS; lost ALCS in 7 (thanks, Grady Little)
2004 -- won ALDS; won ALCS; World Series Champions
2005 -- lost in ALDS to eventual World Champions
2006 -- no playoffs
2007 -- won ALDS; won ALCS; World Series Champions
2008 -- the future's so bright, Jacoby Ellsbury's got to wear shades.......

The Man Speaks

Paul S. Williams and I discuss AU athletics - specifically men's basketball - Jim Harrick, Sharkleberry Finn Kool Aid, Tang, PAO IV on the Floor and more in the latest installment of the Malt Shop Logic Podcast.

From Bill Simmons' column today.

The Where-Did-Andy-Dufresne-Get-A-Ziploc-Bag Award for "Best out-of-nowhere revelation I had about a movie that I had already seen 300 times"
During breaks in the Skins-Hawks game, I was flicking over to "Beverly Hills Cop" on one of the HD channels, and maybe it was seeing Jenny Summers' come-hither smirk in high definition for the first time, but how did I never notice the smoldering sexual tension in the scene when Axel brings his old friend Jenny back to his Beverly Hills hotel room and she lays down on his bed and bats her eyelashes at him for a couple of minutes? For God's sake, she did everything but take her clothes off and assume the missionary position, and yet Axel was more interested in ordering room service for Taggart and Rosewood. I don't get it.

Which leads me to my $64,000 question: Was Axel Foley secretly gay?

In the first two "Cop" movies (I refuse to admit that "Cop 3" happened), Axel didn't have a girlfriend, and we never saw him hook up with a single girl. In "Cop 1," he convincingly pretended to be Victor Maitlin's lover in a public restaurant. In "Cop 2," he ruined what could have been a fantastic time for his buddies at the Playboy Mansion by starting a fight for no real reason with a suspected bank robber. In "Cop 1," he made Taggart and Rosewood follow him to a strip joint, almost like he was overcompensating, then spent more time looking around the club than looking at the girls. In both "Cop" movies, he ably served as a platonic friend for Jenny and Lt. Bogomil's daughter (without ever making a move on either of them); he clicked with two obviously gay characters (the ones played by Damon Wayans and Bronson Pinchot); and he loved playing a perverse cat-and-mouse game with Taggart and Rosewood (two guys). And he was willing to risk his job and his life to avenge the murder of his old "buddy" Mikey, who just happened to be coming back to "crash" at Axel's apartment on the night he was murdered. We're sure Axel Foley was straight? We're sure?

Pay the damn bill

I bet Close is glad he's got a new job, so he doesn't have to explain this example of gross imcompetence by the FBI.

Podcasting is God's Way of Saying "I hate you."

There are so many things that can wrong with a true podcast. Before I start offering help, what software are you kids running to listen to it? iTunes? WinAMP? Windows Media Player? Don't know?

Podcast file...

If you are (like me) having trouble with the podcast at archive.org, go directly to its FTP download site here.

Oddly, I seem to have the best luck by right-clicking on the link and opening in a new window.

You'll see a list of files, at the bottom of which is the .mp3 file. Left-click to open and listen, or right-click to download.

I guarantee it's worth a listen. After listening to it, I thought of a hundred other things I'd like to add. Close, time to fire up another podcast, baby! Josh, help us out, brother.

Malt Shop Logic Podcast

So I may have more time on my hand than is appropriate, but I thought this blog needed a podcast. Follow this link to hear me and Chapin discuss the Patriots, MLS, Mo Money Mo Problems, Tom Bullock, and crappy bands that Brian liked, among other things.

(The streams on the left may provide a better listen - it's a free service, what can you do?).

(Theoretically you can download this to your IPOD, but why would you?)

Merry Christmas, Boys (and Girls)

Cherie, Audrey, and I hope you all have enjoyed the spirit of this season and the love of family and friends.

From the Frozen Lands of Nador...er, Chicago....

1. It was truly a flight against all odds. Saturday afternoon, a sprawling and violent storm spanned the distance from Texas to New York. We were flying Southwest, whose notoriously lean fleet of airplanes leaves it subject to delays even in mild weather. And snow was already falling in Chicago and leading to 2.5 hr delays at O'Hare. But somehow, we landed at Midway 15 minutes early. Go figure.

2. Audrey, on only her second flight ever (the first being about a year ago), and despite having a sudden ear infection, did great...until landing. Her ears must have popped, for she began screaming like she'd been touched with a hot poker. Cherie tried to comfort her for a while, and then I grabbed her...and she promptly vomited all over me. That's twice in 4 weeks. And I'm not talking spit-up -- I'm talking VOMIT. But, as soon as we got her off the plane, she was fine.

3. I met Mr. Close last night for dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings. We drank beers, swapped stories, talked about our mutual victimization via corporate reorganization (more on that later), and between us scarfed down 36 wings with 3 different sauces. We eyed a nearby Golden Tee Live machine, but realized that if we began playing, we'd be out all night, hammered, reeking of cigarette smoke, and wandering in the door at 2 a.m. As attractive as that sounds, we both realized the women in our lives would kill us upon our return. So, we sobered up and departed at a reasonable hour. Growing up blows.

4. The Raven Homestead has a new location -- "Shorewood Glen", a "Del Webb/Pulte Homes Community". Cherie's mom and dad recently purchased a new home in Shorewood Glen, a "55 and over" community. It is a self-contained gated housing development for those in or approaching their "golden years". It has a club, a fitness center, an "Activities Director", and playgrounds, ball fields, and a sledding hill for the grandchildren, you name a convenience, it has it. Much like Stew Leonard's grocery store, filled with animatronic characters singing the virtues of Chiquita bananas and Poland Spring water, I can't decide whether the "all-inclusive" retirement community is a very cool thing or just a little bit evil.

5. It's cold here. Damn cold. 9 degrees cold. And windy. The dry, crystalline, wind-whipped snow has given the landscape here the appearance of a perfectly white desert. I don't think I've spent more than 5 total minutes outside in 4 days.

The "Boo, You're Terrible" Tour is coming to your town...

Which town?

HOG Butcher for the World
Tool Maker
Stacker of Wheat
Player with Railroads
The Nation's Freight Handler
Stormy, husky, brawling,
City of the Big Shoulders:

CHICAGO!

The entire family will be in town beginning Saturday and ending Wednesday.

Close, your cell phone will be ringing shortly. I will be expecting the Old Style to be chilled.

Oo-ra, Chapin out.

Global warming hits home

So I picked up some kind of a stomach bug on Thursday. By Thursday night, it was coming out both ends. By Friday, I was down to rear only (partly because I stopped putting anything in the other end). It slowed down by Saturday, and I just felt kinda crappy (pun intended). By today (Sunday) I was down to monumental amounts of farting.

Seriously. I suspect that it's only a matter of time before Al Gore has a PowerPoint slide dedicated to my ass.

I Need a Snowblower and Boots

We were supposed to get 3-5 inches of snow last night. We in fact got 7. This caused two problems:

1. I do not own a pair of boots. In fact, I can't remember the last time I owned a pair of boots. You could always get away with not having boots in DC. You can't really do that in Illinois, which I realized last winter, but chose to ignore. But when you have to walk a dog through 7 inches of snow, it's hard to ignore.

2. With my house, I purchased an LAD - Long Ass Driveway. I spent a significant amount of time this morning shoveling and am starting to feel it. Of course, as soon as I buy a snowblower, there will be no more snow. It's a conundrum.

That is all.

Weird

I've been mulling this over for a while now every time I see a Cadillac commercial, but isn't it a little weird that Cadillac is trying to be cool(er) these days with flashy (for lack of a better word) commercials that feature a rock song from 1994.

The only reason that I am even interested in this is that the song is by a band called Hum, which came out of Champaign in 1994. Their song, Stars (or something like that) got some fairly heavy airplay in Chicago that summer (catchy first couple lines: She thinks she missed the train to Mars/She's out back counting stars) thanks mostly to the hook that is in the commercial. Which I have to say, stands up pretty well even today.

I have their crappily produced CD that I need to turn my IPod up all the way to hear adequately when Stars comes on. Only one other decent song on there. But what is Stars doing in a Cadillac commercial?

Maybe this is what Chapin was talking about a few months back - the soundtracks of our lives being used to get us to buy things now. I'm old.

Happy Birthday To Me Haiku

Sing "Sweet Caroline..."
The baby sings, "Oh, Oh, Oh"
A Sox Fan is Born!

I am thirty three
A Happy Birthday to me
Bin ich deutsch Bier getranken (I drank German beer -- 5 syllables, you like?)

6 Rivington, yes?
Loreley is a fine place
I like their Schnitzel

I am thirty three
One more year, I outlive Christ
Please forgive me Lord

I Still Smell Candy
Surprise, She smells like a skank
So Long Ago, Yes?

Matt Lewis was banned
The skanky strippers were tanned
And smelled worse naked