Today...

...I biked 8 miles, and Cherie and I took the kids to Camden Yards to see the Red Sox put a whooping on the Orioles -- which they did, 18-10, to sweep the 3-game series. It was Audrey's second Red Sox game, after a game at Fenway last year with my brother. It was Edziu's first game ever. And damn, if both kids didn't act like saints for 3+ hours. My son sat quietly, watching the game, and Audrey cheered for Big Papi and munched on chocolate ice cream with sprinkles to battle the heat :-) And, after torrential rain in the morning, we found Camden under blue skies and sunshine.

I could not have asked for a better way to conclude the weekend. Now, 5 more business days to vacation.

It cannot come soon enough. I am ready to strangle my clients with my bare hands. I need a few days unplugged from my laptop and Blackberry. Paul, you need a Whataburger real estate scout for the mid-atlantic?

Why aren't there any Whataburgers here in the DC area, Paul? There are so many transplants from Texas and the rest of the South here, I bet Whataburger would kill. DC is dying for a non-McDonald's/BK burger joint besides 5 Guys -- its burgers are so greasy you can only eat there twice a year without inducing a heart attack or stroke.

And riddle me this -- why aren't there any Sonics closer to the DC metro area than Fredericksburg and Winchester? I mean honestly, if Sonic can open a franchise in Binghamton, where it's only warm enough for drive-up service 3 months out of the year, Sonic could make a killing in northern Virginia!

The Sports Guy at his self-indulgent best...

I love me some Sports Guy. I love me some Almost Famous. Here, I got both. Lovely.

So I got tired...

...of staring at that long article. I won't do that again. That was just obnoxious.

In other news, I am still employed. Good times. Check back again in September, when the "new organizational structure" is announced.

Peculiar family values...

I don't often agree with Sally Quinn. Mostly, I think she's useless, and has been riding her marriage to Ben Bradlee for a long time. But, in this article about Sarah Palin, I think she's dead right. I'm sick to death of hearing Palin bemoan her victim status, when she's dragged herself and her children into the spotlight again, and again, and again. She's no one's victim except her own. If only her children could say the same.

Great Storyteller

Hey, Chaps. Your ex-wife got a job at Lockheed Martin. Must be a huge step down from that work at Geffen.

All divisions outside the AL East are poo-poo...discuss....

At nearly the halfway point of the 2009 MLB season, the AL East remains the superior division in baseball.

The AL East has 4 of the top 10 teams in the AL, including 3 of the top 5 (#1, #2, and #5).

4 of its 5 teams are over .500, with 3 teams at .550 or better. The other divisions:

AL Central: 3 teams over .500, but only 1 over .550
AL West: 3 teams over .500, but only 1 over .550
NL East: 2 teams over .500, 0 teams over .550
NL Central: 3 teams over .500, 0 teams over .550
NL West: 3 teams over .500, 1 team over .550

The other division leaders would be in the following positions in the AL East:

1. AL Central -- Detroit Tigers (.551) -- 3rd place, just ahead of the Tampa Bay Rays (.550)
2. AL West -- LA Angels (.553) -- 3rd place, just ahead of the Tampa Bay Rays (.550)
3. NL East -- Philadelphia Phillies (.520) 5th place, behind the Toronto Blue Jays (.525)
4. NL Central -- Milwaukee Brewers (.538) 4th place, ahead of the Toronto Blue Jays (.525)
5. NL West -- LA Dodgers (.633) 1st place, 1.5 games ahead of the Red Sox

Just my way of saying, The AL East is MONEY, and so are my RED SOX.

The History of Golden Tee

Thank goodness at least one person around here still reads newspapers in print form. This eye-opening article revealed that I live near ground zero for Golden Tee-dom. Proper.

Oh Retro TV, how do I love thee?

Airwolf, Magnum, the Beaver, Incredible Hulk, Knight Rider, A-Team, the Hardy Boys, Buck Rogers, classic Battlestar Galactica, and Alfred Hitchcock, all on one channel?

It's all the TV I watched when I was 10, and on one channel! How can I resist?

Oh, and I left out the Rockford Files!

It's awesomeness and crapitude all rolled up in one!

Terry Francona is giving me agita...

Last night, ageless Tim Wakefield was, if not cruising, certainly easing through the Yankees lineup, with a 6-3 lead after 6, and not appearing to struggle. The whole value of Wakefield is that when he's not struggling, he's an innings-eater.

So what did Francona do? Sat him after 6 and brought in Ramon Ramirez, who promptly gave up back-to-back home runs. Though the Red Sox hung on for a 6-5 win, it was a managerial move that made no sense.

Tonight, Brad Penny has absolutely cruised through 6, shutting out the Yankees and protecting a 1-0 lead. He was in rhythm, befuddling most of the brutal Yankees' lineup.

So what did Francona do? Sit him after 6, bringing in Manny Delcarmen...who promptly gave up 3 runs, putting the Red Sox down, 3-1.

Gaaahhhh!! It's ok to leave your starters in more than 6 innings, Terry, especially when they're doing well. Gaahhh!

A Capital Idea

It has occurred to me several times over the past few months that next February will mark the 10th anniversary of Russ the Bus booting the gentleman of 4319 44th Street from their long-time living space. Though my IQ and general decision making declines precipitously when I return to Tenleytown, it seems to me that a reunion-type gathering is in order.

I've already talked* to the current owners of 4319 and they've agreed* to let us rent the house for a week for 1/4 *of what we paid monthly in 2000. I thought that was very generous of them and immediately accepted*. I'll collect the $300 from you later.* It'll be great to be back in that place.*

Boo also was ok* with our return for a week though he will be on vacation*. I also managed to track down* the owner of the building that used to house the Malt Shop. He agreed to open the building up for us - we can't bring alcohol there but there are some kegs left over from before the old place left.* I figured that's ok because it has to be better than the current Malt Shop.+

Things are in motion. So, start thinking about setting some time aside next February for a trip to DC. Since all of you seem to be moving to the area anyway, you won't have much excuse for not making it.

*Not even close to being true.
+Sadly, true.

To be angry or envious...I couldn't decide....

For most of the last two weeks in northern Virginia, it has rained just about every day. So, yesterday, when the sun emerged just as we picked up the kids from daycare, Cherie and I decided to take the entire family out to eat at one of the many restaurants with outdoor seating at the Kingstowne shopping center.

Kingstowne is usually swamped with teenagers. Apparently, loitering at the outdoor shopping center has replaced loitering at the indoor mall as a rite of passage for teenagers in this country.

Yesterday was no different. They were everywhere, and as we drove by the movie theater toward the parking garage, I noticed several couples engaged in one form of PDA or another.

Not long after pulling into the parking garage, we spied an empty parking spot just across from the elevator that led to the movie theater and a number of restaurants. We immediately pulled into it. I got out and began to turn toward the back of the car to get Audrey out of her car seat.

It was as I turned that I noticed that a young man was seated in the driver's seat of the SUV next to us -- possibly Indian, but definitely of some South Asian origin. And then I noticed, hey, there's someone -- a girl -- stretched across from the front passenger's seat -- and hey -- her head is bobbing up and down over his lap. Hey, wait, she's -- she's -- oh my god, she's giving him a BJ right there in the front seat of the SUV 2 feet from me!!

I simultaneouly registered two opposing thoughts:

First: hey, this is terrible, this is disgusting, I have my kids here, they don't need to see that, why don't you two find some other less trafficked locale for this kind of action ?!

Second: damn, that is one lucky bastard. I remember those days, and they're too long past.

2004 World Series Champions*

*Cheaters.

Vacation, Day 3

I took this picture of Pike's Peak in Pike National Forest at the Crowe Gulch scenic overlook/ picnic area, elevation approximately 9000 feet. I scrambled up to the top of a jumble of granite boulders above the picnic area and had this view as a reward.

It was a cloudless day, and I had just descended from near the summit of the peak. Couldn't get all the way up, because a massive snowstorm shut down both the last few miles of the highway and the last mile or so of the cog train. So, instead of summiting at 14,000+ feet, I settled for about 13,600 feet. Still the highest I've ever been, with the Olympic Mts. and Mount Fuji both earning honorable mention.

It also turned out to be fortuitous that I traveled to Pike's Peak and the Pike National Forest...because today, the entire region was beset by thick fog. Cherie and I tried to go back so she could see the Peak (she was conferencing all day yesterday), and instead, we saw nothing. The fog was so thick at 9,000 feet that had I tried to take the same picture a day later, it would have looked like I took a picture of nothing. Couldn't see 5 feet in front of us -- it got so bad, we turned around at about 10,000 feet, because it you couldn't even see headlights coming at you from a few feet away -- it was just too dangerous, so we drove back down and stopped at Phantom Canyon Brewing Company for some libations. Yum.

Vacation, Day 1

While we're at it

Meet the new director of marketing & communications at Mohawk Valley Community College.

Positive movement...

Earlier this morning, I received a confirmed job offer from the firm that will be acquiring my current employer. In the interests of starting fresh, this will be the last blog post concerning anything of a professional nature at all related to my job. I will continue to post on other topics.

We'll see how long this lasts (my new job, and not posting about it).

The Blog Drinking Game

We missed the five year anniversary of this site.

Drink.

Attn: Malt Shoppers... Need a hand...

All:

A very good friend and colleague of mine just took a job in Alexandria. He's a prosecuting attorney. He's joining an agency that trains and counsels DA's nationwide in how to seek and destroy child abusers.

His move from Syracuse to DC is in three weeks. I'm trying to help him game the transition a little bit. So:

1. Anyone got any lines on 1-BR or studio apts. in Alexandria -- furnished or not, but parking's a must -- that are convenient to Old Town and the related nightlife and transportation opportunities? He's already got an HR-provided realtor and is on Craigslist but more informative leads (or guidance to apt. search resources you know and like) would be appreciated.

2. This one's specifically for Chapin but if anyone else has advice it's welcome, natch... He is going to need to add some more DC flavor to his network of LEOs, prosecutors, bar members, friendly bartenders, attractive and available women our age, etc. If you have any advice on who he might talk to or places he might like to visit, it'd be appreciated.

snyder.matthew.r@gmail.com

thanks gang.

Dear Somali Pirates...

Ha, ha!

Sincerely,

The US Government

The saga continues...

My PM arrived late to work this morning and missed a meeting that he had scheduled with our team. This is the 13th time (that I can document) that he's either arrived late, left early, or suddenly had a need to be out or work from home in the last 3.5 months. That's nearly once a week.

Earlier this afternoon, I informed him that per my analysis, and in significant part because he has failed to appreciate and act on the urgency of certain client-side delays, our project is now 2 months behind schedule, with further delays likely, and, unless drastic action is taken, will miss profit projections by 8 percentage points.

His response? "I bought a bunch of cool things this weekend, but I rented a trailer from U-Haul to get them to my house, and now have to return it to where I got it in Rockville. So, I'm packing up and getting out of here."

The time? 1:50 p.m.

Now that's what I call leadership.

The Giant Has Awoken

Attention, college hoops fans...

http://kentucky.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=930507

FWIW, I predict no fewer than 87 NCAA titles in men's basketball in the next 10 years for UK.

Now This is Reporting!

A must-read.

Via The Corner

Don't worry, I still have a job, the sequel...

Although my company may soon cease to exist, I still have a job. And, the happy news is that my business unit is being acquired by one of the world's largest and most respected professional services firms. This is one of the best possible outcomes for me and many of my colleagues, and I believe it holds nothing but a positive future for those of us who have survived thus far. More to come........

Surreal...

I cannot begin to describe how surreal it is to listen to the stereo echo of hundreds of phones on speaker in my office, all listening to our CEO describe the breakup and selloff of our company. It's a sound I hope never to hear again.

It was fun while it lasted...

Well, at least our AU Eagles made it interesting. I really hoped they would hold on, but when Villanova was shooting 2 shots at every foul by the 8 minute mark, I knew it didn't look good.

Thanks, boys, for a wonderful season. It was nice to come home to Washington and watch you in person. 24-8, winners of 19 of 21, Patriot League Champs -- well done.

With 5:05 to play in the game...

60-55, Villanova. C'mon, Eagles, pull it out, pull it out!

In answer to Hov...

Why that bracket in the Big East?

This is why... AU may have what it takes to grind out an old fashioned hairpull vs. a tested Big East squad... but they've never had any reason to find out... (ref. 14 pt. lead having evap'd, with Carr on the Bench at the moment)

But damn, AU will still lose to Villanova less times than SU did this year. Maybe 0 times. Go eagles go... hang in there you short, slow, magnificent bastards!

At the half...

AU 41, Villanova 31. Yeah, baby!

New Presidential Blog

An Obama administration insider has started a new blog.

The Return of the Almighty ASM (and its lesser cousin, Efficiency Margin)

I've posted below the ASM for all the brackets. If you don't know what it is, search the blog and there's more explanation. As always, this is not necessarily predictive of first round or even second round match-ups but hopefully will keep alive your final four and elite eight teams so you can rack up the points when they really count.

I've barely looked at the numbers since I unexpectedly had to do them by hand, but a couple quick notes:

• I always do a bracket based just on the ASM and then one on some guesses on close matchups.
• I think Connecticut has the greatest chance to be upset in the second round of all the #1 seeds, though I probably won't pick that way.
• I may pick Memphis once to go the Final Four and Missouri the other time. Which means UConn will probably go.
• I'll probably pick Kansas over Louisville one time too. Little thing only I would know: in all the years I've been doing this, the region ASM leader with the lowest ASM among all the region leaders (did you follow that) has always seemed not to make it to the Final Four. So there's that.

The Efficiency Margin I've spent less time explaining, but I will say this: of the top 10 major conference teams in efficiency margin (which includes Memphis because they're a major conference team playing in a crap league), historically 6-7 will make the final 8. So it's another way to check against your picks.

Good luck.

Efficiency Margin (Major Conference Games Only)

Teams in italics not major conference but here just to give you an idea that they might be good.

Gonzaga - 29.17
Memphis - 27.10
Xavier - 17.3
Pittsburgh - 15.76
Connecticut - 15.44
Kansas - 15.1
Butler - 14.97
North Carolina - 14.44
BYU - 14.3
Louisville - 14.04
UCLA - 13.82
Michigan State - 13.21
Missouri - 11.65
Oklahoma - 10.85
Utah - 10.79
LSU - 10.66
Washington - 9.65
Duke - 9.57
Villanova - 8.73
West Virginia - 8.57
Wisconsin - 8.38
Syracuse - 8.11
Arizona State - 7.95
Marquette - 7.66
Purdue - 7.16

ASM - West Region

Memphis (2) - 19.9
Missouri (3) - 17.5
Connecticut (1) - 17.3
BYU (8) - 14.2
Purdue (5) - 13.1
Washington (4) - 13.0
Marquette (6) - 11.7
Utah State (11) - 11.1
California (7) - 9.6
Texas A&M (9) - 8.3
Mississippi State (13) - 7.8
Maryland (10) - 7.5
Cornell (14) - 6.9
Northern Iowa (12) - 5.6
Cal St. Northridge (15) - 3.8
Chattanooga - DO NOT PICK

ASM - South Region

North Carolina (1) - 21.8
Gonzaga (4) - 18.1
Oklahoma (2) - 14.8
Clemson (7) - 13.4
Syracuse (3) - 12.5
Arizona State (6) - 12.1
Illinois (5) - 11.2
LSU (8) - 10.9
Butler (9) - 10.2
Temple (11) - 8.1
Michigan (10) 7.7
Stephen F. Austin (14) - 7.2
Akron (13) - 6.0
Western Kentucky (12) - 5.5
Morgan State (15) - 2.4
Radford - DO NOT PICK

ASM - Midwest Region

Louisville (1) - 16.6
Kansas (3) - 15.1
West Virginia (6) - 14.8
Wake Forest (4) - 13.3
Michigan State (2) - 12.3
Utah (5) - 10.7
North Dakota State (14) - 9.3
USC (10) - 9.2
Siena (9) - 8.9
Ohio State (8) - 8.8
Arizona (12) - 7.5
Dayton (11) - 7.4
Cleveland State (13) - 6.6
Boston College (7) - 6.4
Robert Morris (15) - 4.2
Morehead State - DO NOT PICK

ASM - East Region

Pittsburgh(1) - 17.7
Duke (2) - 16.5
UCLA (6) - 14.6
Villanova (3) - 12.3
Xavier (4) - 12.3
Tennessee (9) - 12.1
Oklahoma State (8) - 11.7
Texas (7) - 10.5
VCU (11) - 9.5
Wisconsin (12) - 8.4
Florida State (5) - 8.3
Minnesota (10) - 8.1
American (14) - 4.7
Portland State (13) - 4.6
Binghamton (15) - 1.9
East Tennessee State (16) - DO NOT PICK

While we await the ASM, a question for Mr. Close...

...did you (or anyone you know in Illinois or who follows Illini basketball) foresee that Deron Williams would become a bona fide NBA star?

Mackerel Economics

Apparently, mackerel have replaced smokes as the currency of choice in prisons around the country.

When Larry Levine helped prepare divorce papers for a client a few years ago, he got paid in mackerel. Once the case ended, he says, "I had a stack of macks."

Mr. Levine and his client were prisoners in California's Lompoc Federal Correctional Complex. Like other federal inmates around the country, they found a can of mackerel -- the "mack" in prison lingo -- was the standard currency.

The Beard Prevails...

AU wins in dramatic fashion over Army, 61-60. My recap may be found here. Many thanks to Yellow Fever for accompanying Cherie, the kids, and me to the game. Although, he's a bad influence -- I got way more worked up with him sitting next to me -- I didn't yell at all during the Lafayette game! Audrey picked up on Renkey's propensity for loud, forceful booing at the (many) bad calls inflicted by the referees during the game. After we got home, I said something she didn't like -- she got a stormy look on her face, and said, "Boo, papa."

Beware the power of the beard...

Scratchy, scratchy.

Go AU!

Mr. Charles E. Cheese Must Be Stopped

Chapter two in the case against popular kids' birthday location: Chuck E. Cheese sued over child's injury.

Shockingly, it doesn't involve skeeball.

It was all fun and games until the tuberculosis...

Apparently, an AU student tested positive for pulmonary tuberculosis on Thursday afternoon. Boy, am I glad I took my whole family to campus on Saturday and sat in an arena with 3,000 other people for several hours. Thanks, John Doe TB!

Don't worry...

...I still have a job, this article notwithstanding.

Donkeypunch, The Movie...

...yes, there really is a movie named Donkey Punch. And yes, it really revolves around an actual killer donkeypunch. See the trailer here. Really. I'm not kidding.

Taking the cake...

I recently found out that effective next month, I will be promoted for the 4th time in 7 years and will receive a substantial raise. I enjoyed that news briefly -- and then today happened.

I've written recently of my colleague and his obsession with his fugitive cat. Over on Nomadic Scribblings, I've written of other antics -- like disappearing mid-day in the middle of the week for an unannounced sojourn to the beach, showing up to work whenever he feels like it (or not), scheduling and not showing for meetings, actively thwarting progress on critical issues, etc. etc.

But today takes the cake.

As might be predicted by his demonstrated poor judgment, laziness, bizarro behavior, and incompetence, my colleague received a poor annual performance review from his superiors this morning.

Afterward, he called me into his office and bade me close the door.

He proceeded to tell me that his review had been "unfair". Then, he blamed his review's outcome explicitly on me and one other colleague. For me, he said, it boiled down to a) duties he had delegated to me (and that I'd ostensibly performed poorly, though he neither said that nor raised any examples); and b) back-channel conversations I'd obviously been having with my boss.

He then said that I am to stay out of his sphere of work and that he will no longer rely on me as much as he has over the past few months. I restrained myself from laughing. I am his deputy, so it's not really possible to disentangle myself from his work. And, it's not really his decision to make. My role is defined by the man managing the account this project services. And seeing as that man just promoted me, is giving me a fat raise, and has known and trusted me for nearly a decade professionally -- I don't see myself losing this battle.

Still, it was disconcerting. I've had my own performance criticized. I've even been canned. But I've never before been blamed for someone else's bad review. And, in all likelihood, I'm going to have to survive this guy for another 7 months, as my boss doesn't want to can him until there's a natural break in the project in September. Ugh.

Moral of the Story: Don't Live in PG County

Follow-up story on the SWAT raid on our former classmate.

You know you're getting old when...

...your colleague and friend swivels on his barstool and instead of saying, "Check out the ass on that girl!", instead says to you...


"If I stay another 20 minutes, I don't have to do bath time."

Beware the Win32/Zafi.B virus...

All,

In 7 years at my employer, I've never contracted a computer virus. Yesterday morning, a variant on the "Win32/Zafi.B" virus hit my laptop. It's supposed to be passed through e-mail, but I didn't open any suspicious e-mail, so I don't know how I got it. But, it managed to wipe every trace of every last file off my computer.

Part of the virus' nastiness is that it tricks users into thinking they're getting a message from Windows Firewall that the firewall has detected and blocked the virus. In fact, that IS the virus. So beware that pop-up, too.

In any case, it passes itself on in part by hijacking a user's e-mail address book. So, if you have any strange-looking e-mail from me, delete it immediately. And if your computer randomly receives a pop-up from "Windows Firewall" stating that you have the virus, shut it down, do NOT reboot, then go look up steps for removing the virus on another computer connected to the internet.

Fucking hackers. Damn you all.

Eat Your Heart Out, C. Montgomery Burns

Zimbabwe is introducing a Z$100 trillion note, currently worth about US$30 (£20), state media reports.

Incongruity, brought to you by satellite radio

This morning on the way to work... at a lovely -3 F... what to my wondering ear should appear but Ma$e's "Feels So Good."

Damn.

The Curious Chronicles of the Fugitive Kitty...

Day 1: Hunt for cat and skip work for all but 1 hour of the day;
Day 2: Hunt for cat and skip entire morning.
Also Day 2: Write a ten paragraph letter about the details of the cat hunt to our entire team, trying to justify being out of work.
Day 3: Leave work at 1:30 to resume cat hunt.

Excerpts from the 10-paragraph message:


"One of my son's girl friend's Sorority sisters visited for pizza on Monday night, and left the door open when she departed. That's how this all started. Needless to say, she probably won't find us so welcoming the next time she decides to stop by. She is living down to the stereotype, unfortunately."

"Taking the cat's point of view, I found myself crawling / walking through large concrete drain pipes under the roads around here - it is amazing how connected everything is via these drain pipes."

"I just hope she didn't use the under the road drains to move south into the Fair Oaks commercial space and Hyatt hotel across the road - too many people and cars, and the chances of survival there are not good."

"According to our research, this is an extremely rare intelligence. She uses many voices to express herself, and there is almost a language in use as we understand what she wants by the way she speaks. This is the smartest cat I've ever known."

"My wife is driving in from Chicago today, and will keep up the search tomorrow while both (name removed) and I get back to work."

"This is considerably more than I suspect you want to know, but I felt that I needed to explain why I'm spending this time, in this way, instead of being at the office. I'll mark the time as vacation days. It is just something I have to do."

And no, I didn't make any of this up.

Meow, meow, meow, meow...

I am currently the Deputy Project Manager on a project for my employer. This morning, I received an e-mail from the Project Manager, titled, "I'll call in, but please start without me". He was supposed to be attending a meeting with me and several other colleagues.

In the body, it continued, "All, my son's cats got out last night, and we've spent the night looking for them. We did find one, but the other is still on the loose. We saw her several times around midnight, but have not seen her since. We've been out looking this morning since first light."

Later, when my PM had not shown up at noon (and we were supposed to be prepping for a 1330 meeting), I called him, expecting to hear that he was either walking in the building or would be there shortly.

Instead, when he answered, he told me that he was in the middle of climbing a tree because "we've looked everywhere else."

He eventually made the meeting, then left as soon as it was over to go back to "cat-hunting."

When my boss asked where the PM was, I tried to tell him, but I couldn't stop laughing. It was so absurd, it I hadn't laughed, I would have cried.

Sh*ts McGee...

I think Snyder referred to my brother as "Shits McGee" or something similar years ago when my brother came to Tenleytown after suffering from giardiasis in the wake of a trip to Iceland.

Well, my brother's quest to get some sort of exotic intestinal disease/parasite in a 3rd world country at least once a year continues. 2008 was Guatemala. 2009 opens with a 3-month stint designing a low-cost toilet for poor people in Cambodia. Follow his sure-to-be-sh*tty adventures here.

This is Funny

If you're a Cubs fan or not.

http://hirejimessian.com/2008/12/19/yellon-strikes-back/

Bud Diesel to the Rescue

Sitting in the business class lounge in Tokyo's Narita Airport makes me appreciate what America can offer. Sake's fun, but nothing beats the Diesel after five days of weak drinkers and raw fish.

I admit to particularly enjoying the envious looks I get from other Americans in the lounge. Cowards.

Chuck E Cheese, Den of Iniquity...

Lewis, apparently, you shouldn't have any more birthday parties at Chuck E Cheese!

Santa Exposed

Now we know how Santa gets all the toys delivered. Now, I don't expect for you SPA types (not to mention SOC, or, god forbid, SIS) to understand the math behind Santa, but I think we can all appreciate the truth from someone on the inside.

A World Without...

Several years ago, while working at a certain firm, I walked into the office on December 1 -- my birthday. I was feeling good. It was a Friday, and I was looking forward to getting through the workday and commencing long-planned birthday celebrations.

This firm had been founded by a man from Manhattan who liked for his firm to reflect his "Manhattan sensibility" -- including the furnishing of the office with art from a local gallery, and hosting gallery shows one Friday a month.

Not long after I arrived at work, I noticed a strange woman placing black, cloth shrouds over every picture and sculpture in the office.

I was immediately angered -- this was my place of employment, where I frequently spent long stretches -- often 12 hour days or longer -- and not only were the artworks I enjoyed looking at (they took some of the sting off of staring at computer monitors all day, and some of them were quite beautiful) being covered over, but there were so many works of art, and therefore so many shrouds, that the office was beginning to look like a funeral parlor.

On my birthday.

Eventually, I tracked down our VP for HR, who told me that the unknown woman was a gallery rep. She was covering the artworks "in honor of" World AIDS Day, and its corollary, "A Day Without Art". It turned out that A Day Without Art is an initiative associated with World AIDS Day in which "...the creative community observes A Day With(out) Art, in memory of all those the AIDS pandemic has taken from us, and in recognition of the many artists, actors, writers, dancers and others who continue to create and live with HIV and AIDS."

She saw nothing wrong with our office being converted into a virtual funeral parlor, used to make politically infused statements about the state of the anti-AIDS movement. I did, as did several of my colleagues, and we let her and other firm leadership know about it.

Ever since then, I have hated World AIDS Day. I hate that my birthday has been converted from a happy day, just after Thanksgiving, and looking forward to Christmas, to a sad day. It now obsesses with a fatal, incurable disease. I hate that A Day Without Art essentially assumes that all artists are gay, and that a world with AIDS means a world depopulated of gay men, and therefore a world depopulated of artists, and therefore we should cover all art because if we don't cure AIDS, we'll never have art. Bullshit.

I hate that you can't turn on the news on my birthday without seeing coverage of World AIDS Day.

I also hate the proliferation of "awareness" days/weeks. There are so many now, for so many random and insignificant purposes, as to render them all pointless -- we have Salt Awareness Week, Food Allergy and Intolerance Week, National Potato Day, National Impotence Day, International Noise Awareness Day, National Stop Snoring Week, National Eczema Week, and on and on and on. They don't raise awareness except for those members of CNN and MSNBC who have to write and read copy covering the latest "Some Cause Awareness Day/Week".

If I were a freshman member of the incoming Congress, my first act would be to introduce a bill cancelling all previously established Awareness Days/Weeks and placing a 10-year moratorium on the creation of any new ones.

Except for Brian Chapin's Birthday Awareness Day.

Happy Thanksgiving...

...to all the denizens (and occasional readers) of ye olde Malt Shoppe.

Damn....

From this column by Kathleen Parker:

"Anyone watching the two conventions last summer can't have missed the stark differences: One party was brimming with energy, youth and diversity; the other felt like an annual Depends sales meeting."

What's Going On Here?

What, I drop off the 'Net for a little while, and this place goes dark? What is it, all of you McCainiacs and Palinites too depressed to post on ye olde Malt Shop Logic?

Anybody check out a certain company's stock price lately? How about it was $0.04per share earlier today, and now NYSE has initiated delisting processes and will suspend trading of its shares prior to the opening bell on Monday. Maybe it can get a piece of that $700B bailout....I'll be calling in my $75 marker with the Obama campaign.

Yeah, baby!

Return of the Office Linebacker....

I'm Terry Tate, and I approve this message.

Move On already

As anyone who's seen the boxes I use for my Magic cards knows, I like to collect stickers. And whenever I see Moveon.org adds online, I figure it's the least I can do to have them pay a nickel or whatever for my click. So a month or so ago, I signed up for them to send me an Obama sticker (which I still haven't received, BTW). I also get silly emails from them, hyperventilating that racism will defeat The One, and so forth.

Today's was like a dream come true. If only my vote could really do this:

Maggie's

I mentioned this in my facebook status, but if you didn't know what I was talking about there's a group on facebook called Maggie's New York Style Pizerria Tenley Circle. It appears to have been founded by people who used to work there.

My favorite part is their discussion topics, the best of which, by far, is called "youngest child I ever served alcohol". Here is the only post so far:

Topic: Youngest child I ever served alcohol.
Displaying the only post.

Post #1
B. Wade Coleman (Washington, DC) wroteon October 17, 2008 at 8:29pm
I once served a couple of kids that had skipped out on there 2nd day of kindergarten. At first I said "not a chance," but it was a Monday day shift in August. I hooked them up and the slid me a 20 spot on there way out to catch their bus.

That's hilarious. But what's really hilarious is how rooted in truth it is. Though I don't recall ever having to overtip to get served. I guess that's just reserved for kindergartners.

Can't win if you don't hit...

Damn.

We Red Sox fans got so used to watching the Sox win in dramatic fashion, you figured it would happen again. Down 3-1 in the ALCS, the Sox came back to tie it 3-3. Then, tonight, Jon Lester held the Tampa Bay Rays to 3 runs, no mean feat considering that coming into Game 7, the Tampa Bay Rays had scored 40 runs in 6 games, an average of nearly 7 runs per game. You had to think that if Lester and the bullpen held the Rays to as little as 3 runs tonight, the Red Sox were nearly guaranteed a victory and berth in the 2008 World Series.

The game started promisingly enough, as Dustin Pedroia hit a pitch into the left field bleachers in the first inning to give the Sox a 1-0 lead. As a fan, I thought, "Here we go, this is it!" Instead, the Red Sox bats fell silent after Pedroia's home run. The Red Sox didn't score another run. Jon Lester pitched an outstanding ballgame, but it wasn't enough.

Still, I can't complain. The Red Sox have now been to the ALCS 4 times in 6 years, and have won 2 World Series titles. It's a good time to be a Red Sox fan.

One game for all the marbles...

The Red Sox have come back from the dead. After being down 3-1, the Red Sox have now tied the ALCS, 3-3. More importantly, they've stolen momentum. Now, the AL pennant and a trip to the World Series for the third time in five years rest in the hands of Jon Lester, who gave up 0 earned runs on 10 hits in 14 innings in his first two postseason starts during the ALDS against the Angels, but then got blown up for 5 runs on 8 hits in only 5 and 2/3 innings against the Rays earlier in the ALCS.

I am damn near giddy from the last 48 hours -- and in fact, about midnight on Thurday/Friday, I was giddily jumping up and down in my living room as the Red Sox scored 8 runs in 3 innings to take Game 5, 8-7.

If past is prologue, tomorrow promises to be a bad day for Tamp Bay fans. In 2004, the Red Sox came back from an 0-3 series hole, tied the series, then whipped the Yankees on the road at Yankee Stadium, 10-3. Last year, after trailing 3-1 in the series, the Red Sox tied it, then destroyed the Indians at Fenway, 11-2, in Game 7. So in the last two ALCS Game 7's, the Red Sox have beaten their opponents at home and on the road, and have outscored their opponents, 21-5.

Now, I'm not predicting that kind of blowout. My prediction for tomorrow is , 7-5, Red Sox over the Rays.

GO SOX!

Victory dance victory dance victory dance...

victory dance victory dance victory dance victory dance


JIG ON OLD BROOKFIELD ROAD. YEEEEE-HAAWWWW!

Five Guys

Little things in life count. When I was living in DC, a little annoyance was that you couldn't get a decent hot dog there. Now that I'm in the Chicago area, it's not a problem - order the char dog.

Of course, now that I'm out here, I have been denied a Five Guys cheeseburger since aught-six. Fortunately, our long national nightmare is at an end. Five Guys is coming to Chicago.

Though the quality of the place certainly must be diminished from when it was just a few stores in DC to now more than 330 places, I will be there as soon as they open.

Al Gore, please call your office...

We have a home.......

After Cherie's promotion (and associated transfer back to DC), the major milestones became:

1. Find a job (for me)

2. Find a home

3. Find daycare

As posted previously, I was able to find a job within my company very quickly. Tonight, we achieved milestone #2 -- we have a house!

We are the newest renters of a beautiful, 3-level townhome in Alexandria, VA. It's in a hidden gem of a development called Loftridge about a mile south of the Beltway, about evenly split east-west between 395 on the west and Route 1 on the east. It's 2 miles from Old Town, it's on a piece of property surrounded by forest and parkland, within easy walk/drive of a brand new baseball field complex, and it has great history -- including the property being the former residence of a Virginia governor and Lee family member, Fitzhugh Lee.

It has 3 bedrooms, 2 full baths, 2 half-baths, finished basement with fireplace (aka the future guest bedroom/den), living room with french doors out onto a beautiful deck, hardwood floors throughout, nearly new appliances in the kitchen, and a small, fenced yard that leads out to a huge common area -- a groomed field where the kids and dog can run around.

It is just about perfect -- out of the 16 or so houses we visited in a whirlwind 2.5-day househunting trip we took last week, it was #1 on our list. And, we got it. We'll probably make the physical move around the last week of October. Lewises, stand by for your first weekend cookout invite!

Hot damn. Now it's on to daycare -- and we're making progress there, too.

Beer Goggles 2.0

Google has implemented a feature that helps you prevent sending those drunk emails. I've often joked that BlackBerry's should have a breathalyzer feature. We're just one step closer now.

YES YES YES YES!

Oh the drama. Bottom of the 9th, 2 outs, man on 2nd, Jed Lowrie eaks out a single just beyond the outstretched glove of the 2nd baseman, Jason Bay sprints home from 2nd, and RED SOX WIN! RED SOX WIN! RED SOX WIN!

So long, Angels. We own you.

It's on to Tampa Bay and to the battle for the American League Pennant!

Dear Terry Francona...

Your team is up 2-0 in the top of the 8th.

Your starting pitcher has shut out the Angels through 7, is humming along, is just over 100 pitches, has a strong, 24-year old arm...and then you yank him. Huh?

Then, you're on defense, your opponent has 1 man on and 2 out, and you feel the need to make another pitching change -- though your current relief pitcher only walked 1 after getting 2 outs, and has been solid all season after performing like a hero in last year's playoffs.

You have a bullpen filled with veterans with outstanding postseason performance records

So, what do you not do? You do NOT -- DO NOT! -- put in an inconsistent and sometimes wild rookie to get the final out in a pressure-packed 8th inning of a crucial playoff game.

That is BAD MANAGEMENT.

How do I know?

Because that rookie just walked a batter, threw a wild pitch (after getting the pitch signal wrong), then gave up a 2-run single. Now it's 2-2. Way to go...ASS.

Gaahh!

As NHL 08-09 is just around the corner,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4vtKoa0sw4

Wristwatch, Crisco!

Don't kid yourself.

Friend Me, Bitches

I've capitulated and joined Facebook.

Even when the Cubs lose, XM radio is great

300+ miles over the road in a driving rainstorm yesterday were made tolerable by flipping back and forth between the Cubs mailing one in against the Brewers (and almost winning) while the Mets capped off their implosion of Shea Stadium vs. the Floria "We Hate the Mets" Marlins.

So very, very, very much better radio than the coverage of the presidential election.

The Old Man Schools the Rookie...

My analysis? McCain 1, Obama 0. See my thoughts here.

So...

...I've been trying to lay off the political posts, because the less sleep I have as my son fails to even approach sleeping through the night, and as the stress builds from trying to sell our house in the worst market in memory, and move to Virginia in 6 weeks, the more angry and strident I get.

But, I just can't pass this up.

Ever since she was chosen as the Republican VP nominee, Sarah Palin and her party colleagues have been stating over and over and over again, and with complete seriousness, that her chief foreign policy credential is that Alaska is close to Russia. And they have made the (incredibly weak, shameless, and pathetic) argument that as governor of a state near Russia, she has some foreign policy "experience by osmosis".

Except now, in an interview with Katie Couric, she first claims it again in seriousness, expands it to sharing a land boundary with Canada, but then, apparently realizing in the moment how retarded she sounds, tries to switch gears and claim that it's all a big joke, and that the argument was meant all along to mock reporters.

Only she can't even do that intelligibly, because she's an idiot. So Katie Couric has to simultaneously bail her out and humiliate her by providing the English for her to use. See the video here.

I'm SO proud of my country that one of its two major political parties, and the one that is supposed to be regarded as the "serious" party, the party to be entrusted with national security and foreign policy over the liberal, pot-smoking, incense-burning hippies of the Democratic Party, has just burned its credibility in the cauldron of Sarah Palin's ignorance and imbecility.

Oh, and seeing as I: a) was born in Alaska; b) have lived in 3 different countries; c) can speak some conversational German, Japanese, Italian, and Spanish; d) have actually BEEN to Russia and China, as well as more than 20 other countries; e) actually once had a subscription to Foreign Affairs Magazine, according to Republican Party logic, I'm something like 1000 times more qualified to be Vice President of the United States than Sarah Palin.

I await my nomination.

Zesty!

Man Passes Gas, Charged with Battery on Officer

I don't think anything more needs to be said.

Delicious irony...

In a coincidence that is too good to miss, the World Financial Center (where I work and home to Merrill Lynch world HQ) is hosting its annual MotorExpo this week. All over the lobby areas of 3 and 4 WFC, luxury auto manufacturers including Bugatti, Ferrari, Maserati, Porsche, etc., are showing their wares...to customers who suddenly have no money to buy luxury automobiles.

Ah, schadenfreude, you are so good to me.

Yay Big Mex

Carlos Zambrano: Better than me at pitching.

God's Revenge On Vegetarians...

So it turns out that being a vegetarian shrinks your brain. Ah, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha....I always felt like vegetarians were stupid. Now I know why.

Eat your meat! If you don't eat your meat, how can you have any pudding? Thank you, Pink Floyd.

Life Imitates Team America

Matt Damon, using his mad acting skillz.

Sort of Sad

This caught my eye today: the Grog and Tankard is closing/is closed. For those of you who never went there, the Grog was like the late great Ye Olde Malt Shoppe - without any of the charm (or Caleb dishing out antifreeze-laced Bud Heavy).

During my time in Glover Park, my roommates and I would occasionally wander over there. The sights included strippers off duty from JP's, pool tables not close to level, and random bands (covered in the above Post article). My favorite part about going there was when the owners tried to charge a cover - we would either start to leave and they would waive the fee or we would just wave off the request as we entered (with no objection from the owners).

That said, it was an awful, awful place. An institution. But an awful, awful place.

I love the smell...

...of Papelbon in the evening. It smells like...VICTORY.

Wal-Mart Democrats

Rahm Emanuel is pushing the absurd theory that since Wal-Mart thrived when Democrats held the White House, Wal-Mart thrived because Democrats held the White House. Of course, he say "When Democrats Are In Charge." His basic premise is that after the Republicans won Congress and Democratic hopes of a leftist utopia ushered in by Clinton--no, wait, he omitted that part.

Well, one silly assumption is no reason to ruin a good partisan rant. What he means, is that after the Democrats managed to get Congress back more recently, and have been threatening to raise taxes, prevent an increase in oil supplies, or even using useful raw materials to make energy (e.g., oil, coal, natural gas, uranium) and by the way, run companies like Wal-Mart (by which I mean companies that are Wal-Mart) out of business--no, wait, he omitted that part, too.

OK, with two such flawed arguments, I'm not sure how he manages a straight face, but I guess his point is that if you just trust him and his buddy BHO, real middle class incomes will increase, defying the laws of economics (OK, he left that qualifier out, too). But what could possibly go wrong?

Unsubscribe

Jesus, who let you guys barf all over the blargosphere? I was just directed to the comment storm here and... Wow.

No McCainiac He

I thought it was time for some counter-prop to the stuff we've been reading around here lately, and who better to deliver than Karl Rove. I think that neither his friends nor his enemies would ever describe him as a "McCainiac." I think they'd also all agree that he knows about winning close presidential elections.

Today he writes about why the VP pick may actually matter this year. And I think this comment may explain why Brian is so fond of Sen Biden:

In the vice-presidential debate, Democrats must be concerned about Mr. Biden appearing bombastic and condescending -- which is almost a permanent state of mind for the Delaware senator...

Not related to the Rove article, but I love her comparison of being Mayor to "community organizer," but with actual responsibilities. No wonder the Dems are so scared of her.

You McCainiacs Better Hope...

the country doesn't reflect this Frank Luntz focus group from CSPAN.

The Final Word on the Sarah Palin Debate

http://www.palinfacts.com/

UPDATE: This may be my favorite: Sarah Palin is the only woman who can make Tony Romo WIN a playoff.

So now the news breaks...

...conveniently on Labor Day, after the noon news, while coverage of Hurricane Gustav is ongoing... that Sarah Palin's 17 yr-old daughter is 5 months pregnant.

To me, this only reinforces the notion that Sarah Palin should be spending more time focusing on the needs of her family and less time gallivanting around the country campaigning for the vice presidency.

One might also suggest that this news is evidence that she has already not been paying enough attention to her children.

So let's see what we've got now. We've got a vice presidential candidate with a 5-month old with Down's, and a pregnant 17 yr-old?

And if she and McCain win, her daughter's going to give birth in the midst of transition activities in December or right around the Inauguration in January?

And her mom will be busy with those activities, getting briefings on the latest international crises, terrorist threats to the country, helping to interview candidates for the VP staff as well as for some of the thousands of political appointments that must be made by a new administration, moving her family from Alaska to Washington, meeting and greeting with supporters who made her victory possible -- and somehow finding time amidst her duties to work with her teen-aged daughter helping teach her how to nurse, change diapers, establish routines for that child, manage that child when it's fussy, learn how to manage her own frustration and anger when the baby has kept her up all night long and won't stop screaming, etc.?

Or will she leave her teenaged daughter at home in Alaska with her new baby and (likely) teen-aged father to fend for themselves while the rest of the family is moving into the Naval Observatory on Massachusetts Avenue?

And knowing your daughter is a teenager and is 5 months pregnant, you accepted a position that you had to know was going to result in your daughter's pregnancy being splashed across every major newspaper in the world?

If you're Sarah Palin, are you thinking about these things, or are you so ambitious that you just don't care?

Thoughts?

CALLING TODD YOUNG, CALLING TODD YOUNG...

Sarah Palin?

Sarah...Palin?

Take off your Obama-hater hat and put on your analytical hat. What do you think of this pick? What are your colleagues inside gov't saying?

Zing!

If any of you have watched the wretched ESPN show "Around the Horn", you have been exposed to Jay Mariotti (for that I'm sorry for you), who until yesterday wrote for the Chicago Sun-Times. Mariotti's style wore on me over the years and I had stopped reading him - but you couldn't get away from him because his columns always were discussed on sports radio. His pugnacious, overly-critical style suited his personality - if you can call being a complete jack-ass a personality.

Anyway, here's what the Sun-Times editor had to say about Mariotti's departure:

"We wish Jay well and will miss him—not personally, of course—but in the sense of noticing he is no longer here, at least for a few days."

Yowza!

Lemonade Stands

Walking my dog yesterday afternoon, I was confronted with one of the scourges of summer: children's lemonade stands. Rather than say no once again when they ask me whether I wanted some lemonade, I cowardly adjusted our route to avoid the stand.

I'm not proud of this, but I am ok with it.

Fake Olympic Sports

By watching this year's Olympics, I have been unfortunately exposed to the growing number of fake/craptastic/stupid sports that somehow are considered worthy of the Olympics. Here are the three that bug me the most (right now):

• beach volleyball - Dear NBC, enough already!
• trampoline
• syncrhonized diving

Most Awesomest Headline Ever

Detroit Mayor Hopes Judge Will Let Him Further Shame Democrats

And it's not even in The Onion.

EMC...

Edward Michael "Edziu" Chapin was born at 10:02 a.m. EST, at Danbury Hospital.

He takes his first name from his late great-grandfather and my maternal grandfather, Edward Danovich. He takes as his middle name the middle name of his maternal grandfather, Richard Michael Raven.

His nickname, Edziu (pronounced Ed-Ju) is a Polish affectionate nickname often used as a substitute for Edward.

And, he is beautiful.

"We are going to smash the Americans..."

"...that is what we came here to do."

"...tomorrow morning we take all that they have."

The French men's 4x100 freestyle relay team, talking to the press.

Before losing the gold medal to the American team of Michael Phelps, Garret Weber-Gale, Cullen Jones, and Jason Lezak.

Enjoy your cheese, surrender monkeys.

Oh, NBC, Why Must You Suck...

If you're NBC, and you're trying to win back viewers in the country's largest media market during the post-strike environment, what do you do?

How about:

1. Pre-empt the Season Finale of one of your most enoyable shows (Last Comic Standing) on New York's NBC HD channel without notice for NFL Preseason Football (Giants vs. Lions)

2. List LCS being moved (from 8-9:30 pm) to 10 pm-11pm on all of the cable TV programming guides, so that a) DVRs set to record LCS episodes automatically record NBC at that time; or b) live viewers will tune in expecting to see the LCS Season Finale.

3. Instead, run America's Got Talent from 10-11 pm, so that viewers (live or via DVR) will now get a full shiteous hour of America's Got (NO) Talent.

4. Don't air the heavily advertised LCS Season Finale at all, ever, on New York's NBC affiliate.

5. Now, viewers who watched LCS all season have missed the SEASON F'ING FINALE. Great job, NBC. Congratulations on that stunning display of competence. Asshats.

Weezer

I heard an ad on the radio on my way home tonight for tickets to see Weezer. I think quite a few of the folks who read this blog went with me to a Weezer show back in 1995/6 at the old Radio Music Hall (now the 9:30 Club). My recollection was that was one of the worst shows I've ever been too (and I understand Weezer is supposed to be very good). Can anyone who was there tell me if my memory is off?

We're on our way, we're on our waaaayyy, home, sweet home....

So just about now I thought I'd be writing, "It's a Boy!" or "Special Delivery!" or something similarly cornball, announcing the birth of our son. But apparently one major life event at a time is never enough in the Chapin family...and oh by the way, he hasn't come yet. Cherie's due in 2 days, and he shows little sign of budging any time soon.

No, instead I write to say -- we're coming home to Washington!

Yesterday, we were informed that Cherie has earned a promotion. She's going to be the Deputy Director of Ethics and Compliance for one of the 3 "LoBs" (Lines of Business) at her current employer.

In particular, the "Defense" Line of Business.

That job is located -- you guessed it -- in Tysons Corner, VA.

So, the Chapin Family will soon begin the process of moving itself from Connecticut to the Washington, DC metro area.

It will be a long process, as we'll take time out for maternity leave over the next 3 months, and then Cherie will probably spend 30 days wrapping up responsibilities here.

But, some time in November/December, we'll return to a place we called home for many years, and are excited to call home once again.

Huzzah!