My lessons for Memorial Day...

This is not actually about Memorial Day, but what happened to me today -- which only coincidentally is Memorial Day. Avert your eyes, all who are squeamish (this especially applies to you, Chris).

I reinjured my back in a serious way this weekend, which led to a stint in the hospital. Consequently, I am now high on Oxycodone and Valium, among other wonderful pharma products. Along the way, though, I learned some lessons previously unknown to me. I guess that's redundant, eh? Blame the goofballs. I write this as a public service to all of you who may one day face the awful experience known as the "rectal exam":

"Lotta pressure" is thoroughly inadequate as a description, warning, or preparation for the sensation of a large man (think Lewis but 2 inches taller and 30 lbs. heavier) named Keith Shafto, PA, shoving one of his meaty fingers up my previously one-way freeway.

The second worst aspect of a rectal exam is the utterly invasive, thoroughly uncomfortable feeling of a large man's finger probing the "tone" of your anal walls -- which leads me again to wonder how it is possible for anyone to enjoy butt sex -- but I digress.

The worst aspect of such an exam is the lingering slipperiness left by by the k-y which once lubed Keith's glove-covered sausage of a finger -- reminding me for hours afterward of this awfulness.

Dilaudid and valium delivered by IV drip are potent, boy, I tell you what...

Oxycodone and valium taken orally and in combination, surprisingly, are even better.

I haven't thrown a cold beer into the mix, but I may have to try that just to compare it to the sensation I had at Keiper's party in '03 the first time I hurt my back, and in desperation to quell the pain (as Chris and Josh remember), took one of Cherie's medications and flew high all night.

Signing off to enjoy the gauzy world of powerful narcotics.

Now this is the Pumpkins...

This song is vintage Smashing Pumpkins.......

So what do you think?

This newly-released single, "Tarantula", off of the Pumpkins' new album, "Zeitgeist", is undeniably catchy. It will no doubt get the Pumpkins a lot of coverage in pop press and even airplay on some modern rock radio stations (not that there are many left). But, to me, this just doesn't sound like the Pumpkins. It sounds more like Billy Corgan fronting Velvet Revolver. There's even a little My Chemical Romance "Black Parade" influence in the refrain. Hmmm, just don't know that I like......

The Apocalypse

These are seven people who should never, ever be in the same living space together again.

But, yes, I will be watching.

Electrical wires taste yummy! aka Audrey's First Near-Death Moment

Audrey is 8 days away from being 8 months old. She is developing rapidly in a number of areas, and that is mostly a lot of fun to experience and observe. You might even say it is a time filled with joy.

However, a healthy dose of fear has sidled up alongside that joy, and it intends to make itself a permanent home in my psyche. Just the other night, it snuck up on me, leaned in toward my ear, and shouted, "HEY! I sure do like me a good fricasee, and whaddya know, your baby is about fricasee herself!"

I had been fixing a problem with our home theater setup. Cherie, working on dinner for Audrey, had walked into the kitchen. But, she had failed to notice that she'd put Audrey down on the floor within reach of my laptop's power cord. That would have been ok, except that moments before, I'd unplugged the laptop from the cord so that I could carry it over to where I was working on our A/V receiver. The cord was plugged into the wall and would be live enough to electrocute any humans who decided to suck on the free end.

Audrey being in the throes of teething, hit upon the cord as a prime contender for "Next Foreign Object For Me To Gnaw On."

It took her only a moment to grab the free end of the power cord and prepare to taste it. I caught a flicker of movement out of the corner of my eye and looked up to see Audrey sitting in front of the couch, with the cord wrapped around her left hand, the free end waving lazily to and fro only inches from her mouth.

Summoning the standing broad jump muscle memory last used to launch myself at the front door of 4319 44th St on a cold, drunken January night, I lunged out from behind the entertainment center, landed in front of Audrey, ripped the power cord from her tiny hands, and in my loudest bellow, let her know that NO! was the order of the day.

Crisis averted. Fear cackled gleefully, and said, "Hey boy, better get used to me. Now that you have her, I'm here till the day that you die!"

He's an ugly little bastard.

I had a premonition last night...

To all my pimps in Accounts Receivable, Yo...

Herbert Kornfeld, Rest In Peace

Cheers and Jeers

Looks like I've been awfully absent lately from the blogs. My job is slowly killing me. So there's that. But I've been able to glean these insights in recent weeks:

Cheers to The Queen and Stranger than Fiction, two movies that United Airlines offered me on my way to and from LA in March. Stranger than Fiction was surprisingly good, with Will Ferrell giving a surprisingly effective non-baffoon comedic role.

Jeers to Blades of Glory, on which I wasted $9.50 ($19 if you add in Susan) for all of three hearty laughs in two hours. Boo, you're terrible.

Moderate cheers to Silversun Pickups, a new band (possibly) whose song "Lazy Eye" you may have heard on the radio. Since Brian is the only one (for the most part) who likes the same music I do, the rest of you can move on, but I would say 5-6 of 11 songs on their newest album are solid, particularly "Little Lover's So Polite" and "Three Seed", whose opening you will hear during a Michael Mann movie death scene or on Scrubs.

Jeers to the Cubs for not being any better than last year.

Cheers to the Cubs for keeping Felix Pie in the bigs rather than sending him back to Triple A where he was hitting .444. He could be the difference.

Jeers to the Illinois Tollway System for lengthening my commute from 40 minutes to 60+ minutes because of construction.

Cheers to me for not beating the crap out of that car whose driver gave me the finger three times because I would not let her cheat the system by letting her in to my lane after I waited 30 minutes in the turn lane. Good thing I didn't have a bat in my car.

Farewell to a Journalistic Giant...

The world has lost a star today.

David Halberstam, one of my favorite journalists and non-fiction authors, was killed today when a car he was riding in was broadsided by another car. His death is a blow to all who loved excellent journalism and fantastic non-fiction writing. My favorite (among many outstanding books) is "The Teammates," about the lifelong friendships between Bobby Doerr, Dom DiMaggio, and Ted Williams. It is small -- in size and scope -- compared to many of his other books, but it is a gem nonetheless.

Halberstam won a Pulitzer Prize for his Vietnam Conflict reporting, and his book on JFK's foreign policy decisionmaking, "The Best and The Brightest," is considered by many to be the definitive analysis of the Kennedy Administration's initiation and management of the Vietnam Conflict.

What a shame.

One for the San Diegans

Heard today on 94.9... Two clues only:

1) This song was intro'd, following commercial break, by nothing more than a gleeful Halloran shouting "What day is it today?"/cut to music...

2) Good for tuberculosis.

It pays to live on higher ground...

...so the "Nor'easter" dumped 8 inches of rain on Danbury, and we barely escaped its wrath. All over our area, roads and homes are flooded. Thankfully, our townhome is on land just a couple of feet higher than the surrounding area...because a two-minute walk from the house, this is the scene (as captured by a Danbury News-Times photographer):You're looking at Federal Road just past the intersection of Federal and Old Brookfield. We live on Old Brookfield Road, just down the street (and I mean a hundred steps down the street) from the intersection. Thank God for higher ground!

Thought you all might enjoy...

...a picture of my daughter without the bunny suit. Enjoy.

Hey, Renkey...

...had breakfast this morning with the Deputy Commissioner of NYPD for IT, Mr. V. James Onalfo. It turns out his son, Curt, is the Curt Onalfo who is head coach of the Kansas City Wizards. How is that for small world?

Happy Easter, Everyone!

Even more glorious:

This one's for you, Chris.

http://syracuse.craigslist.org/spo/306050722.html

Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory

And it is the Brewtender.

Sweet land of liberty...

And now for something completely different...

...best line from Saturday Night Live in the last several years?

Peyton Manning in a skit about a couple having a seemingly normal, then outrageous, conversation while sipping coffee on their porch:

"Know what Carl did for Janice's birthday? He hung himself in the garage."

Sick, wrong, but with that deadpan delivery, funny as s***.

Iran...

For decades, the western world has allowed Iran to behave like an immature, dangerous belligerent, both within its own region and lately, vis a vis the world writ large. Because of its oil reserves and the need to maintain a "balance of power" within the region, it has been allowed to develop nuclear weapons, sponsor worldwide terrorism, outright threaten the existence of another nation, and now it has abducted British naval personnel from Iraqi waters -- this act alone could be considered an act of war against the UK.

I pray that once the UK has recovered its 15 abducted naval personnel, it strikes hard against Iranian military targets -- to include the homes of the mullahs who sponsor terrorism and inspire Iran's belligerent behavior. I hope to see the smoking ruins of Iranian infrastructure live on CNN. Iran needs to be taught a harsh lesson.

WHAT THE F***?

So after a very, very long work day, I was just perusing the Washington Post Online. I was excited to see this article, which discusses the outstanding and (for AU) historic performance by Josh Glenn, an AU wrestler who just won AU's first ever Division 1 athletic national championship. But then I saw that the article included this passage,

"...American's interim Athletic Director, Athena Argyropoulos, said."

WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT?

Athena was an SPA GUIDANCE COUNSELOR in the 90s. She was one of two counselors (along with the thoroughly incompetent Anne Kaiser) who helped process my add/drop slips from 1993-1997.

What the hell does she know about being Athletic Director? Other than being (like Neal Kerwin, Sean Bates, etc.) an AU lifer?

Paul, can you shed any light on this?

Sometimes My Job Rocks

For example, getting internal passes to one of our customer's websites. And now we're allowed to talk about it.

Boo. Ya.

Happy Fun Time College Ball Game Picking Tool

Once again, I present you with the ASM scores for all 65 NCAA tournament teams. Check out posts from this time the last three years to understand what it all means. It has been pretty good - even last year when it missed all final four teams, it still had 6 of the final eight and Florida had the highest ASM of the final four.

That's it for my analysis. I'm committed to not overthinking the numbers this year even though I have a tough time picking UNC to win it all.

It's still better than me justifying Illinois going to the Final Four somehow.

ASM - East Region

1. North Carolina - 22.2
2. Georgetown - 15.4
4. Texas - 13.7
9. Michigan State - 12.9
8. Marquette - 11.5
12. Arkansas - 9.5
7. Boston College - 9.4
5. USC - 9.1
6. Vanderbilt - 9.1
3. Washington State - 8.9
10. Texas Tech - 7.3
15. Belmont - 7.0
14. Oral Roberts - 7.0
11. George Washington - 6.5
13. New Mexico State - 5.6
16. Eastern Kentucky - 1.0

ASM - Midwest Region

1. Florida - 20.3
2. Wisconsin - 16.2
4. Maryland - 16.1
6. Notre Dame - 15.4
10. Georgia Tech - 13.1
11. Winthrop - 12.8
3. Oregon - 12.5
5. Butler - 12.2
7. UNLV - 11.4
8. Arizona - 11.3
13. Davidson - 10.8
9. Purdue - 9.6
15. Texas A&M Corpus Christi - 9.1
12. Old Dominion - 9.0
14. Miami (Ohio) - 4.0
16. Jackson State - -4.5

ASM - South Region

3. Texas A&M - 20.2
2. Memphis - 19.6
1. Ohio State - 17.5
9. Xavier - 13.7
6. Louisville - 12.0
8. BYU - 11.6
7. Nevada - 11.5
5. Tennessee - 10.4
10. Creighton - 9.9
4. Virginia - 8.8
14. Penn - 6.5
11. Stanford - 6.1
12. Long Beach State - 5.5
13. Albany - 3.4
15. North Texas - 2.3
16. Central Connecticut State - 1.9

ASM - West Region

1. Kansas - 19.6
2. UCLA - 16.3
6. Duke - 14.7
9. Villanova - 13.8
3. Pittsburgh - 13.3
7. Indiana - 11.9
8. Kentucky - 11.9
5. Virginia Tech - 11.5
10. Gonzaga - 11.2
12. Illinois - 11.2
11. VCU - 9.7
4. Southern Illinois - 8.9
13. Holy Cross - 7.0
14. Wright State - 3.4
16. Niagara - 1.0
15. Weber State - 0.2
16. Florida A&M - -2.1

The Horror...

...so I changed my first diaper of the solid food era this afternoon, and all I have to say about that is, "Oh, my God, the stench...."

10th Anniversary of a Generation Defining Moment

RIP, B.I.G.

Can't do it for Tupac though. He's still alive.

Beer Launching Fridge

This is why God made technology.

Schools

I happened upon this piece by Bill Gates in today's Washington Post titled: How to Keep America Competitive. It includes this time-worn gem to answer the title's premise:

"First, we must demand strong schools so that young Americans enter the workforce with the math, science and problem-solving skills they need to succeed in the knowledge economy."

Bet that took a while to come up with.

But the problem is, it may not be the real solution.

Somewhere I have an article that makes this point: The United States has had underperforming schools relative to the rest of the world for years. Yet the American economy is still the strongest in the world and the most innovative. It's because we never stop learning. We don't rely just on our schools. We learn throughout our working careers too, such that we not only catch up to the rest of the world, we surpass it.

No one is arguing against a strong education system, elementary through high school and beyond. That would be great.

But there's more to staying competitive than high school math achievement relative to the rest of the world. We show that every day.

Don't Believe the Hype...

If you've read or watched the news in the last week, you cannot help but have heard of the shameful condition of at least a portion of Walter Reed Army Hospital. This article in today's Washington Post reports that the Pentagon leadership only just now learned of the particular problems bedeviling Walter Reed's now infamous "Building 18". But don't believe the hype. For decades, Army hospitals have been known as the home of substandard facilities. This is largely the result of Army culture, which does not place a high value on the comfort of facilities used by its soldiers. There's a good reason for this -- you don't want soldiers who may have to go live in a tent in a muddy field for 6 months (or a hot, dry desert) getting too accustomed to too many creature comforts. But long ago, this good reason became an excuse for allowing Army facilities to fall into disrepair.

In 1993, I personally led the rehab of the family waiting room of the Intensive Care Unit at Landstuhl Army Regional Medical Center in Germany when our National Honor Society chapter discovered how appallingly bad its condition was. We raised money, bought furniture, cleaned and painted the walls, replaced the carpeting. It made me sick to see the conditions that family members had to endure while waiting to find out whether their grievously injured loved ones would live or die. Walking around the hospital, I saw lots of peeling paint, broken furniture, stained flooring, etc. It was hardly the type of environment to encourage healing of our wounded warriors. I pray that this expose by the Post leads to a long-term commitment by the Army and all of our armed services to rehabbing the facilities that rehab our soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines!

don' worry 'bout me boys

...I spent the last week in Clearwater Beach and Tampa, drinking margaritas like I get paid well to do it, helping the boy dip his toes in the ocean and eat his first sand, eating day-fresh seafood that would make a landlocked gourmand cry, and generally living a life of degeneracy. And, my flights back on JetBlue were apparently the only ones in the hemisphere not to get stovepiped by the weather.

Plus I come to find that my snowblower kicks ass, enabling me to dig my way into my house last night in only four hours. So I really don't have anything to complain about.

If you have the means, I highly recommmend it.

==M

Four Choices...

So I am volunteering to host my motor racing-loving friends for one or more motor racing events in New England this summer. As I see it, there are three choices:

1. 7/1/07: The Lenox Industrial Tools 300 (Nextel Cup) at New Hampshire International Speedway in Loudon, New Hampshire. Preceded by the Busch Series New England 200 on 6/30/07.

2. 9/16/07: The Sylvania 300 (Nextel Cup), also at NH International Speedway. To be preceded by the Craftsman Truck Series New Hampshire 200 on 9/15/07. For either of these, Loudon is about a 3.5 hour drive from my house.

3. For a completely different experience, we could try Lime Rock Raceway in Connecticut. It's 44 miles from my house (1 hour). It hosts the Busch Series "Mohegan Sun NASCAR Busch East 200" on 17/18 August. It also hosts GT races (25-28 May), American Le Mans series races (6-7 July), SCCA (Sports Car Club of America) races (19 May, 16 June, 28 July, 11 August, 29 Sep), and a special Vintage Series (presented by BMW) over Labor Day Weekend.

Ok, so now there's potentially a fourth choice...Cherie's employer, ITT Corporation, owns a firm known as Gould's Pumps. It is one of the largest employers in the Finger Lakes area of New York, and it sponsors at least one NASCAR car. Cherie thinks she could get tix to (and possibly VIP passes of some sort) to the races at Watkins Glen. It took me less than 3 hours to drive to the north end of Cayuga Lake, and Watkins Glen is closer than that by about 20 minutes, so I could also host this -- or Snyder could!

Thoughts, gentlemen?

Change Sux

So, Blogger forced me to switch over to the "new" Blogger. Looks pretty much like the same old Blogger to me. Undoubtedly we are getting the shaft in this deal.

F you, Blogger.

I hate change.

An Angel Got Its Wings

Duke is out of the Top 25 for the first time in 11 years.

So, Snyder...

How's that snow?

Ah, it feels like 1992...

So, it has just been announced that Pearl Jam and the Smashing Pumpkins will co-headline the NovaRock Festival in Austria in June. One band resurgent, the other reunited. Together on the bill for the first time since they co-headlined a college tour in the US in 1992 -- along with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. They all came to AU the year before we arrived in '93. What an awesome ticket that must have been.

Oh, if only I could afford a plane ticket to Vienna and a concert ticket. Alas, diapers and commuter train tickets eat up all of my disposable cash. Damned adulthood.

Today, I feel like the opening line of Elliott Smith's Miss Misery: "I will fake it through the day, with some help, from Johnny Walker Red............"

Just for the Record

I'm not exactly brimming with confidence that the Bears will win Sunday. But it will be jig-worthy if they do.

Also, having watched the Super Bowl Shuffle yesterday at work, I can say this: it does not hold up well over time.

Another Bears Song

Repeats not allowed? For shame. Prepare to have this little ditty stuck in your head the rest of the day:

Chorus: We are the Bears Shufflin' Crew Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you. We're so bad we know we're good. Blowin' your mind like we knew we would. You know we're just struttin' for fun Struttin' our stuff for everyone. We're not here to start no trouble. We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.

Walter Payton: Well, they call me Sweetness, And I like to dance. Runnin' the ball is like makin' romance. We've had the goal since training camp To give Chicago a Super Bowl chance. And we're not doin' this Because we're greedy. The Bears are doin' it to feed the needy. We didn't come here to look for trouble, We just came here to do The Super Bowl Shuffle.

Willie Gault: This is Speedy Willie, and I'm world class. I like runnin' but i love to get the pass. I practice all day and dance all night, I got to get ready for the Sunday fight. Now I'm as smooth as a chocolate swirl, I dance a little funky, so watch me girl. There's not one here that does it like me, My Super Bowl Shuffle will set you free.

Mike Singletary: I'm Samurai Mike I stop'em cold. Part of the defense, big and bold, I've been jammin' for quite a while, Doin' what's right and settin' the style, Give me a chance, I'll rock you good, Nobody messin' in my neighborhood. I didn't come here lookin' for trouble, I just came to do The Super Bowl Shuffle

(Repeat Chorus)

Jim McMahon: I'm the punky QB, known as McMahon. When I hit the turf, I've got no plan. I just throw my body all over the field. I can't dance, but I can throw the pill. I motivate the cats, I like to tease. I play so cool, I aim to please. That's why you all got here on the double To catch me doin' the Super Bowl Shuffle.

Otis Wilson: I'm mama's boy Otis, one of a kind. The ladies all love me For my body and my mind. I'm slick on the floor as I can be But ain't no sucker gonna get past me. Some guys are jealous Of my style and class, That's why some end up on their -, I didn't come here lookin' for trouble, I just get down to The Super Bowl Shuffle.

Steve Fuller: They say Jimbo is our man. If Jimmy can't do it, I sure can. This is Steve, and it's no wonder I run like lightnin', pass like thunder. So bring on Atlanta, bring on Dallas, This is for Mike and Papa Bear Halas. I'm not here to feather his ruffle, I just came here to do The Super Bowl Shuffle.

Mike Richardson: I'm L.A. Mike, and I play it cool. They don't sneak by me 'cause I'm no fool. I fly on the field and get on down. Everybody knows I don't mess around. I can break'em, shake'em, Any time of day. I like to steal it and make 'em pay, So please don't cry to beat my hustle 'Cause I'm just here to do The Super Bowl Shuffle.

(Repeat Chorus)

Richard Dent: The sackman's comin', I'm your man Dent. if the quarterback's slow, He's gonna get bent. We stop the run, we stop the pass, I like to dump guys on their -. We love to play for the world's best fans, You better start makin' Your Super Bowl plans. But don't get ready or go to any trouble Unless you practice The Super Bowl Shuffle.

Gary Fencik: It's Gary here, and I'm Mr.Clean. They call me "hit man," Don't know what they mean. They throw it long and watch me run, I'm on my man, one-on-one. Buddy's guys cover it down to the bone, That's why they call us the 46 zone. Come on everybody let's scream and yell, We're goin' to do the Shuffle, Then ring your bell.

William Perry: You're lookin' at the Fridge, I'm the rookie. I may be large, but I'm no dumb cookie. You've seen me hit, you've seen me run, When I get the pass, we'll have more fun. I can dance, you will see The others, they all learn from me. I don't come here lookin' for trouble, I just came here to do The Super Bowl Shuffle.

(Repeat Chorus)

Bear Down Redux...

In honor of this blog's owner, and his Super Bowl-bound Chicago Bears....

Bear Down, Chicago Bears
Make every play, clear the way to victory!

Bear Down, Chicago Bears
Put up a fight with a might so fearlessly!

We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation
With your T-formation

Bear Down, Chicago Bears
And let them know why you're wearing the crown!

You're the pride and joy of Illinois,
Chicago Bears, Bear Down!!

Better than Ninjas, or, Beating up the Boss

Actually my boss is a pretty nice guy. I have no desire to beat him up.

But this is frickin' hilarious.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/5251952.stm

The Disingenuous Democrats...

Few can argue that it has been the Democratic Party that has been leading the public relations charge against the strategic and tactical changes being made by the Administration and military in Iraq. Congresspeople and Senators with names like Pelosi, Murtha, Reid, and others have railed against the "surge".

One would assume that if a Congressperson or Senator believes fervently in the wrongness of the "surge" and other components of the President's new strategy for success in Iraq, then it is incumbent upon that Congressperson or Senator to exhaust Congress' warmaking and oversight powers to prevent or end the surge, and even the entire Iraq adventure.

Instead, witness Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid's, recent quotes during an interview with the new Washington, DC, political newspaper, "The Politico": Republicans "would like this debate to be as whether or not we are going to be cutting off money for the troops," Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid recently told The Politico. "The logical conclusion is that a lot of things can happen. But right now, the most important thing is to tell the president that what he has done with the escalation is wrong. And that's what we are doing, bi-partisanly."

You are Congress. You alone have the Constitutional authority to declare war. Under your War Powers Resolution of 1973, you have clarified the circumstances under which a president may take the country to war, and you have reserved for yourself the right to withdraw statutory warmaking authority from the executive branch. And the extreme action you're taking is "to tell the president that what he has done...is wrong"??????

Reid's quote lays bare the true nature of the "opposition" in the Congress to the Iraqi conflict, led by the Democratic Party. It's not actually interested in solving what it perceives to be a problem -- not interested in exercising its powers, acting boldly (or recklessly, depending on your perspective) -- it's content with just talking about it. How sad and pathetic. How poorly we are all represented by the new party in power. Shame on them for their weakness and laziness.

PS Contrast this with Senator Russ Feingold, who at least has the courage of his convictions.

Would You Have Accepted My One Phone Call?

When I got home last night, I found a business card in my door frame from a special agent with the Criminal Investigations Bureau of the California Department of Justice. There was a hand written note at the bottom that said "Pls. call [REDACTED]" with a phone number that was not already printed on the card.

I called the phone number, and reached a recording of a female informing me that I had reached the voicemail of the name printed on the business card. I left a message giving my phone number.

Not sure what this was about, I immediately called my cousin's husband who is a detective with the Sacramento police department. (I also called Ben Maplethorpe who was, unfortunately, in bed when I called. I guess now that he's a cop, he actually goes to bed early. Sorry, Ben.) The best my cousin-in-law could offer was that it could be regarding just about anything, and to let him know what I found out.

I then turned to the one other resource I had at my disposal which would reveal if I've been tapped to provide information as part of a clearance check, or if one of my friends recently ran afoul of the law. (Not that I'm accusing anyone. But, let's be honest: if that situation were to happen, someone on this site would know of it.)

This morning, I called the number again. No response. I didn't leave a voicemail.

Around 10:15, she called me back. Let's replay that conversation, shall we?

Me: This is Josh.
Special Agent (subsequently to be to referred to as S.A.): Joshua Cheshire? This is Special Agent [REDACTED] with the California Department of Justice. Do you have a moment to speak with me?
Me: Hi. Yeah, I can talk now. How can I help you?
S.A.: You should know that I'm partnered with the F.B.I.'s Counterterrorism Unit. We received some information and would like to ask you some questions around that.
Me (wondering what you guys have gotten me into now): Okay...
S.A.: Specifically, can you tell me if you visited the city of Denver in September of 2006?
Me: It's quite possible. May I ask what, specifically, this is about?
S.A.: Would you prefer to speak in person?
Me: Yes, I would.

At least now I was 95% certain that it didn't involve any of you. But, I was in the area meeting with Focus on the Family at the time. God only knows what that crazy little enclave is up to at any point in time. (Some day, I'll have to tell you about that particularly creepy day.)

It was decided that she was coming to my office to speak with me. Now.

Imagine the buzz in the office when at 11:00 AM this morning, two members of the California Department of Justice show up flashing badges asking to speak with Joshua Cheshire.

Short version? It turns there was some sort of activity that occurred in the city of Denver the day I arrived. It happened with the same vehicle I rented the night I got in. I clearly remember this rental, as the guy who had it before me was being extremely difficult with the rental agency and refusing to return it. Now I'm just wondering if I was radiologically poisoned.

S.A.: Well, Joshua, it looks like you weren't even in town when the event occurred. We're going to follow up on your flight information, and assuming it comes out as you say it was, you'll probably never hear from us again.

Comments

It has come to my attention that comments have not been posting. Well, it's true. I recently approved about five months of comments. Scroll through and see what people thought about your posts months ago.

I'm going to turn off the comment moderation, which I think is preventing the comments. If we have comment spam problems, we'll revisit the issue.

That is all.

Indiana (at least parts) is Bears Country

I won't be inundating you with posts about the Super Bowl in the next couple weeks, but this article in the Chicago Tribune today is really interesting about how the northern part of Indiana is filled with Bears fans. It should be somewhat interesting to you because the town that is its case study is Renssalaer, Indiana.

I witnessed this personally this past weekend in Susan's hometown where I saw more Bears gear than Colts - though I think it's more of a generational thing (older folks are Bears fans, younger folks are Colts fans) than a geographical thing.

What Have You Gotten Me Involved in Now?

I came home this evening to find a business card on my front door from a special agent in the Criminal Intelligence Bureau of the California Department of Justice. Anybody want to tell me something?

Go Bears

Bear Down, Chicago Bears
Make every play, clear the way to victory!

Bear Down, Chicago Bears
Put up a fight with a might so fearlessly!

We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation
With your T-formation

Bear Down, Chicago Bears
And let them know why you're wearing the crown!

You're the pride and joy of Illinois,
Chicago Bears, Bear Down!!

48 Hours in Vegas

What, I don't pay attention to the blog for a while and Chapin's driving the national debate on the Iraq surge?

Anyway, so at the end of last week, I went to Vegas - for work. Here's a little quiz about my time there. Which one of the following things did I do while in Vegas:

a. Eat pigeon.
b. Tool around in stretch Hummer for no particularly good reason.
c. School a bunch of Consumer Electronics Show stragglers in poker.
d. Be in town during the apparently annual porn convention.
e. Stay at the magnificent Wynn Hotel, the newest on the Strip.

Trick question. It's all of the above. Can't say actually working in Vegas is exactly worth it, given how it cut into gambling time. But I was able to fit in all the rest of that. The Wynn is nice. Stretch Hummers are ridiculous, the CES guys sucked at poker, and I don't know how the porn convention was (honest!) but there was a little more artificiality than normal there.

And here's the verdict on pigeon as a meal: it's a fattier quail.

Is Congress truly powerless?

So, even from my remote outpost in Danbury, CT, I've been following (via MSNBC) the punditocracy as it ruminates over Congress' supposed powerlessness to "stop the surge".

Most pundits have said with certainty that the only power Congress might have over the presidential action is the power of the purse -- in other words, Congress can cut or rescind the appropriation and/or authorization of funds used to support the surge.

But here's a premise, and a question for the scholarly among you:

1. Congress, according to Article 1, Section 8 of the US Constitution, is the only US governmental entity expressly empowered to declare war.

2. Congress, through the War Powers Resolution (Public Law 93-148), clarified the circumstances under which, and the manner in which, the executive and legislative branches interact when the US government commits its forces to hostilities. In that resolution, Congress essentially creates two "extra-constitutional" grounds for the President to commit US forces to hostilities:

A. "...specific statutory authorization...."
B. "...a national emergency created by attack upon the United States, its territories or possessions, or its armed forces."

3. Congress authorized the president wide authority to commit US forces to hostilities to Iraq in the "Authorization for Military Use of Force Against Iraq Resolution of 2002", aka Public Law 107-243.

4. Why couldn't the "powerless" Congress simply do one of the following:

A. Pass a new Joint Resolution simply stating, "The Congress of the United States, consistent with its powers under Article 1, Section 8, of the US Constitution, and consistent with its War Powers Resolution of 1973, hereby rescinds the statutory authorization granted to the Executive Branch in Public Law 107-243." There would have to be a few procedural steps afterward, but unless this new resolution was reversed, my understanding after reading the law is that the President would be without any legal authority to wage any hostilities (up to and including war) against Iraq.

b. Pass a new Joint Resolution simply stating, "The Congress of the United States, under Article 1, Section 8, of the United States Constitution, hereby renounces any and all laws, previously passed, to include Public Law 107-243, that alone or together could be interpreted as a declaration of war against the sovereign nation of Iraq."

Thoughts?

This quote sums up my feelings...

...about Miller Lite (and for that matter, most American beer),

"Miller Lite...now there's a beer. I'll tell you what, I could piss in a cup and give it to this guy here and he'd like it better than a Miller Lite. "

Eddie Vedder

Do You Take It?

So barely work safe, it's not actually work safe.

Double Happiness

Oh... Oh my.
The seventh seal has been opened. Pre-order your own copy now.

New Lewis

Nate was born at 10:34 on 12/22. Manda's water broke the night before at about 6:30, and we went to the hospital at about 8:30. We've got pictures up at Walgreens (you'll need to make an account there to see them). There's one picture of him on the scale right after delivery showing him weighing 7 pounds, two ounces. Later, while up in the nursery, the nurse was checking him out, and asked me if he was close to nine pounds, because he felt so heavy. I told her what the scale said he weighed, so she weighed him again, and he was 8 pounds 5 ounces. So that picture is pretty funny now.

I Believe the Phrase is "Huzzah!"

Brain Can Repair Alcohol's Damage

Catch Me Ridin' Dirrrrrty............

Mainly I posted because I just couldn't stand to see "Malted Vomit" on top of this blog any more. I couldn't help but conjure a visual image of what that must look like, and it just made me ill.

Oh, and as part of my current project, my team is conducting "user observations". The goal is to watch cops do their job in the field and then come into the precinct house, to see how, when, where, and why they would use the tool we're developing for them.

So, Thursday, I will spend the day roaming with New York's Finest as they patrol in the territory of "The 7-9", reputedly NYC's toughest (aka most crime-ridden) precinct. The 79th Precinct encompasses a 1.2 square mile patch of land in north Brooklyn that is more popularly known as Bedford Stuyvesant, or "Bed-Stuy". Among Bed-Stuy's notable alumni are Jay-Z, Notorious BIG, Big Daddy Kane, Mos Def...and Lil' Kim.

Will report back (possibly with pics, if the cops allow me to take them).

Oh, and I'm getting outfitted with Kevlar for this particular mission. Sh-weeetttt.

Malted Vomit...

...or, why I (heart) XM...

Because how else would I hear Guttermouth on my way to work in the morning?

Great Article

About my college cross country coach.

Spot on.

FYI - There is a great deal of profanity, as would be expected in the City Paper and from Matt.

Please Pen the Goose...

Today, I watched the Bears-Vikings game on Fox, featuring the broadcasting trio of Dick "Hair Plug " Stockton, Daryl "Moose" Johnston, and Tony "The Big Fat Stupid Idiot" Siragusa. Now, I like Stockton despite his awful hair plugs, Moose is a surprisingly good broacaster and will always have a warm spot in my heart due to his tenure as a Cowboy, but I CAN'T STAND Tony Siragusa.

Has there ever been a sideline reporter given to more idiotic utterances than Siragusa? Can Fox not see that he is an awful "reporter"? It seems that instead, they're giving himself more rope to hang himself. Today, it appeared that they gave him an open mic on the sideline. He frequently interrupted Stockton and Johnston with random utterances like, "Yeah, I'm here, I'm here" or "I'm like an icecube." He was obviously talking to other people on the sidelines, not paying attention to the fact that his mic was on. It became first distracting, then annoying, then downright painful.

Please, Fox, pull the plug on the Goose, before I'm forced to watch crappy AFC football on CBS.

VW Rocks, But Will I?

So in anticipation of my new job* starting in a couple weeks (and the impending non-public transportation friendly commute) I purchased a car this weekend. It is a Volkswagen. And if you have been watching television, you know that I inadvertantly purchased this as well.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do with this.

I could donate it somewhere, I suppose. I could also try to sell it on ebay. Or, at age 31, with no prior musical training in any instrument nor any known inclination towards music, I could try to learn how to play it. Of course, since my amp will be my car, practicing in my complex will be a little awkward.

I have 8-10 weeks to figure this out. If anyone has any other ideas, please feel free to let me know.

*The new job is pending a background check and drug test. However, if I fail the background check, let's just say that not only I but the FBI will have some serious questions about how the check was conducted. So, on 12/11, I should be joining BP America.

To my friends at Thanksgiving...

I don't usually go in for this kind of sappy crap. But what the hell...

If you think about the ups and downs, and how things have changed and/or stayed the same (yes, someone should still slap chapin)... we, as a group, have much to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving guys,

--M

Josh: Email me

mrsnyder@syr.edu

thank you sir,

--M

Two A-holes Go to Home Depot....

During our recent spate of home improvement projects, we've spent a lot of time at the Home Depot paint desk.

In all this time, across all of these rooms, I've arrived at the Home Depot paint desk prepared. This means arriving knowing the following:

1. Brand -- Behr.
2. Color and Number -- "Polar Bear", #1875.
3. Finish -- Satin Enamel.
4. Amount: One Gallon.

There's nothing I hate more than people who arrive at the paint desk unprepared. Like last night's couple. They easily weighed 600 pounds combined, dressed poorly, and were barely groomed. And they behaved just like a couple in a recent series of Saturday Night Live sketches, titled, "Two A-Holes...." Well, last night, two A-Holes went to Home Depot.

Despite not being in line at all, the male half of this hideous pair, back hair sprouting from his shirt opening, interrupted me to ask the paint guy, "Uh, can I get a gallon. I think it's called Cougar Brown. I, uh, saw it on the wall over there."

Paint Desk Employee: "I'm not aware of any color named that under any of the brands we sell here." (Glidden, Behr, Ralph Lauren, Disney) "Are you sure that's what it was called?"

Hairy Idiot: "Yeah, like I said, we saw it on the wall over there."

Paint Desk Employee: "Well, let me check".....afer checking....."Sir, there's no Cougar Brown in our system."

Hairy Idiot: "Babe -- it was Cougar Brown, right?"

Idiot's Wife: "Yeah."

Paint Desk Employee: "Well, sir, like I say, it's not in our system."

Hairy Idiot: "Babe -- call your sister, ask her what it was."

Idiot's Wife: After calling sister on cell phone -- "It was Benjamin Moore paint."

At this point the couple walked away...why?

Because Home Depot here in Connecticut (and probably everywhere else) DOES NOT CARRY Benjamin Moore paint. So it was impossible for them to have "...seen it on the wall...."

15 minutes of my life, I'll never get back, thanks to those 2 A-Holes.

Just Say No to Bank of America Visa Credit Cards

I share this story with you in the hopes that I can start an online revolution here that will lead millions of Bank of America Visa credit card holders to cut up those cards.

Once upon a time, I held an MBNA Visa card. And all was well. My account rarely, if ever, had problems.

But then one day, Bank of America bought MBNA. Changes were coming, they said, but I figured all was well because I think I'm a very adaptable person.

Without asking, Bank of America sent me a Bank of America Visa card to replace my MBNA card. They said it was because some of our personal information may have been stolen. I hadn't heard about that, but ok I said. And it wasn't a big deal - though I think Bank of America just wanted to brand all their new customers' credit cards.

A few days later, I tried to pay my bill on-line through the new Bank of America web site. Except I couldn't because the web site was down. Customer service did take my payment over the phone without charging me a service fee. That was the right thing to do.

Then one day I received an automated phone call telling me that there was some questionable activity on my account. I didn't know if my wife had made the charges in question so I had to check. The nice customer service person said just call him back and let him know.

Now, the customer service guy may have - maybe even probably - told me that my account would have a hold on it until I called back. But that message didn't get through to me. My wife indeed had made the charges but I did not call back that night.

It's not such a big deal, but when you have your credit card turned down at Quiznos, you wonder what's going on. So I logged on, but my account information was not accessible because of the hold. I was directed to go to a website where I could resolve the issues online. Except it was not operational.

So I called customer service and was put on hold...for 30 minutes. Customer service was in the midst of fixing my problem when I was disconnected.

So I called back and waited for another 30 minutes.

It takes a lot for me to get upsetwith customer service. I know they are trying their best and it was Bank of America's fault not theirs. I kept my cool.

Today, my Bank of America credit card was turned down at a grocery store. I had received no call about questionable activity and I had just paid my bill. There should be no problems.

I logged on and once again my account was on a hold -a service I did not request nor do I want if it is going to do this. Once again the fraud protection website was not operational. And as I type this, I have been on hold for 75 minutes and counting.

75 MINUTES!

If you have a Bank of America Visa Card, I urge you, like I will do, to find a new company to get a Visa card from. And I can't wait in a week or two, with my new card in hand, to wait through 75 minutes on hold just to cancel my Bank of America card with extreme prejudice.

F you, Bank of America.

New York, New York...

This week commenced my first official week as part of a new team permanently stationed in New York and working for New York's Finest...though, I've been working there on and off for the last few weeks while also spending time in DC wrapping up business.

NYPD headquarters, where I work, is located just northwest of the Brooklyn Bridge and the South Street Seaport. Which means that on a nice day...and 2 of the last 3 have been nice...one can grab a slice of pizza or a hot dog from a vendor, sit on a bench, and admire a great view of the Brooklyn Bridge, the East River (which is not really a river but a tidal strait), and the Brooklyn and Manhattan skylines. I can't tell you how much this rules over sitting in a characterless suburban office park somewhere outside of Washington, DC. God damn, I missed working in the city!

I will say, though, that compared with the NYC subway, DC's Metro is an absolute beauty. The subway is crowded all of the time, the stations are cramped, and I'd like to ask the transit authority who had the bright idea of making the entry and exit aisles the same?! It doesn't make for the most efficient flow of humanity.

I also had lunch with Mr. Matt Geller, attorney at law. He is doing quite well and was full of entertaining stories of miscreants and mishaps at the Fire Department. I look forward to hanging out with Geller more often now that we're in the same geographic region.

Finally, Audrey had her latest "well baby" check this afternoon, and she passed with flying colors. She's now something like 75th percentile for weight and 90th percentile for height. The respective figures 4 weeks ago were 25th and 50th, so this is a huge improvement.

Pics can be found at http://audrey.phanfare.com. I updated it last night, so you can check out Halloween at Casa de Chapin, and other such fine events..............

Geller's contact info...

Would anyone who has Matt Geller's contact info please send it to me in an e-mail? I have his business card somewhere, but it went into a box when I moved my stuff to CT in August, and now I'm not sure which box it's in. Now that I work within walking distance of the Brooklyn Bridge, I'd love to get in touch with him....

At Long Last...

...I'm sorry to knock Chris' post off the top, because I also think Departed is awesome and well-worth the price of a ticket, but...

I FINALLY HAVE A JOB IN NEW YORK!

I will be working on a long-term engagement with the NYPD for my current employer. 16 months, $5M, with options running out to five years. And, I will be leading a large chunk of the work. Oh, sweet relief!

I will begin on Monday, but will be back to DC at least once or twice in the next two weeks to wrap up my professional responsibilities in DC.

The next phase begins................

Must See Movie

I don't normally recommend movies to people - mostly because I really don't go to see too many movies - but for this crowd, The Departed is a must see. Great action, great one-liners. Recommend against taking your kids.

Go see it.

What Have You Done, YellowFever?

Have you broken the heart of some Guangdong warlord's daughter? Cause they're looking for you.

The Assassination Game Grows Up...

Check out this article. The Assassination Game is now being played on the streets of New York. Awesome.

In other news, no baby yet. Argh.

Minor Modification

There is to be a shindig in my honor on Friday night from 7 PM to 9 PM. (Those local to DC will be receiving emails shortly.) What say you? Drinking after 9? Or drinking on Saturday? Either way, Nanny's is the current selection. I am open to suggestion/ridicule/advice.

Of Logical Fallacies and Lazy Reporting

[Sorry for the long post – important info that Josh is coming to town is below.]

If there is one aspect of newspaper reporting that is almost always wrong, it is linking campaign contributions to legislative actions. And this story on the front page of the Post today does it once again.

Short version of the story: Members of Congress sponsor legislation suspending tariffs on certain imported goods. The beneficiaries of these suspensions are rarely identified, and the suspensions themselves rarely gain public notice.

Here’s the paragraph that riled me:

“Lawmakers usually introduce the provisions at the behest of companies in their districts. Many of those companies and their executives have given federal campaign contributions totaling millions of dollars.”

Well, if this isn’t a case of the logical fallacy “correlation implies causality”, I don’t know what is.

Basically, the reporter is arguing that because the companies and executives have given federal campaign contributions, the lawmakers introduced the tariff suspension bills. Do you think there could be another reason? I do. And it’s right in the same paragraph – “companies in their districts.”

Now I know there are jerkasses who might introduce legislation in return for campaign contributions. But, in my experience, the driver of an action like the one described in the article is almost always helping a constituent(s).

In fact, in each case cited in the article, a lawmaker is acting on behalf of a constituent company (even if it is ultimately owned by a foreign corporation). Show me an example of a lawmaker acting for no other reason than campaign contributions, then including campaign contribution data becomes relevant.

Including the above sentence and further data about campaign contributions in this article is not only a logical fallacy, but it’s lazy reporting that shows a reporter or his editor falling back on their own biases about how and why legislation is introduced and passed. It’s weak and should be called out.

One other thought: the more interesting article would have been about how long these tariffs that are being suspended have been in place and whether the rationale for imposing them in the first place still exists. I remember on the Hill working on an issue related to steel tariffs, some of which had been around since the early 90s. And the rationale for the imposition of some of those tariffs just no longer existed. But the tariffs were still there because tariffs and duties just rarely go away. I can only imagine how long and why some of the tariffs were in place that were cited in the article.

But when you’re busy impugning the motives of big corporations and Members of Congress, that kind of information just gets in the way.

Drinky Poo

I'm in town the weekend of the 29th through the 1st. Drinking Friday night?

Speaking of looking fetching...

I don't. But she does.

Happy Anniversary...

...to Matt Lewis, who 5 years ago today received a job offer from his employer. He still works there today!

... plus which, it enabled Matt and Amanda to support my unemployment for what turned out to be another 3 months with many meals of beef stroganoff and chicken parmigiana and other Atkins-friendly meals.

Oh, and to my roommate, Zesty, who put up with me, and Cherie, and having Matt sleeping on the floor, all summer long.

Here's to you, boys.

Why Snyder, You Look Fetching...

...in the photo of you in the Class Notes section of the latest American Magazine.

And in other Class Notes news, the Bad Captain is sure to have his heart broken by the knowledge that Jenny Sublett is now Jenny Sublett Gavito.

Chaps

Your email is bouncing. WTF, mate?

Crocodile Hunter, RIP

Killed by stingray.

Does anyone know AU alum Michael Benny?

He's now a reporter with our local CBS affiliate.

e-mail me if you have knowledge of him...

Thanks.

Confirmed.

The bastard called me about it. Keiper insisted on photographic evidence. I present the following:

Exit polls indicate that...

...Stanley may have got hisself married in the last few days.

We'll update as the official returns come in.

Unmitigated spam (leavened with hostility)

Anybody want a CR-V?

I know, I know... all of you who've ever spent any time in ours have felt compelled to go out and buy one of your own. It must say something about what nice, capable, fuel-efficient vehicles they are.

In any case, ours is on the way out, to be replaced by a big goddamn evil fuel-sucking Chevy Suburban (with real cow interior and baby seal eye headlights). Reason? I can't haul enough decoys, guns, boats, or dogs in the CR-V to wreak the kind of havoc and mayhem I'd like to on the east coast waterfowl population. Plus the bloodstains come out of the stain-resistant, pewter-grey interior way too easy, I want something that really shows off the scarlet hues and chunks of viscera.

Any bleeding heart limpdicks that don't like my choice of vehicles or pursuits can kiss my ass.

NO, seriously, kiss it. Now.

The rest of you, take a look at this -- 2002 EX (the loaded model with all wheel drive, side air bags, traction control, keyless, sunroof, and all the other safety and comfort goodies). It's got 50K on it, new tires, in good shape, and for those who care, has lots of room for baby seats and groceries, strollers, and diaper bags. They sell locally for $15-18K, I've got it listed for $15,500, but I'll take less and deliver to DC for someone I know -- if you know anyone that wants one, lemme know.

Pardon the unmitigated spam. Now back to our regularly scheduled rage.

Freegans

I first read an article about "freegans" when I was in Colorado this summer. I had blocked it out until now. Thank you, Washington Post.

Heh.

The latest absurdity....

The (few) readers of this blog know that I work for a large consulting firm. It shall remain nameless during this post. You also know that from time to time, I encounter absurd and incompetent behaviors that I must share with you.

So it is today. I currently work on a project where my firm actually has two teams working on different contracts supporting two clients who play different, sometimes competing, sometimes antagonistic roles on this project.

The team I am NOT on produces a list of certain information that is updated on approximately a monthly basis -- some times it's updated more frequently. Every month, the same information gets updated in the same way. Somehow, when this other team tries to update its list, it always gets the list wrong. And I mean always -- since I took over the team lead role 9 months ago, it's never, ever been right.

Late last week, the latest list update came out...and was wrong. In a number of places. In a number of ways.

The role I play on this project requires me to look out for certain government interest -- including making sure that this list is done correctly.

So, yesterday, I was approximately the third person to point out to a government manager that the list was wrong -- for the 15th time in a row.

Last night, I got an e-mail from a manager on the other consulting firm team, complaining about my actions, telling me that I'd put them "on the defensive with the client".

I called this manager and said, "No. I didn't put you on the defensive. First of all, two government personnel reported this problem and complained about it before I got around to it. Second, your own actions put you on the defensive. What put you on the defensive is the fact that your team has had nearly a year to get this process down, and its product right, and it hasn't. As a result, you and your team have created a reputational problem for yourselves and the firm. The government believes that you do not exercise quality control over your products. And judging by the result, I would have to agree with them. Please, next time, don't shoot the messenger. Look to yourself before you come after me."

I hate incompetence.

Second String

Look, you drunk bastards. I'm tired of having to wait for you crazy kids to visit San Diego for some proper drinking. So, I found a new drinking buddy. I actually had to sit him down this evening and explain, "Look. This means you may have to back me up, even if I yell, 'Cock!' for no apparent reason." His response? "You're on! I haven't had the buddies out here to do that for, and I need someone for crissakes. Otherwise, my drunken lies are useless."

Let me know the next time your useless asses are out here. I'll introduce you to my new drinking buddy. I assure you: Caleb would be proud.

Clawed?

Hey, "Clawed":

In the words of Shooter Flatch: "Identify!"

Thank you.

I have just one question...

Why is any studio still giving the Wayans brothers any money to make movies?

Jefferson and Congress Suffer Stinging Rebuke....

U.S. District Court Chief Judge Thomas Hogan issued a strongly worded denial of US Rep. William Jefferson's motion to return the property seized earlier this summer by the FBI in its search of his office.

Some highlights: Hogan rebuffs Congress' amicus curiae ("friend of the court") argument that the FBI's actions violated the Speech and Debate clause of the Constitution, writing that the amicus argument "contorts" the policies behind it; Hogan also writes that the principle of Separation of Powers is not threatened by the FBI's actions but by "...the position that the Legislative Branch enjoys the unilateral and unreviewable power to invoke an absolute privilege, thus making it immune from the ordinary criminal process of a validly issued search warrant."

Finally, Hogan concludes that Rep. Jefferson's argument "...would have the effect of converting every congressional office into a taxpayer-subsidized sanctuary for crime."

Ouch. Justice 1, Jefferson -5.

So you think your kung fu's pretty good, eh?

Just got done watching Shaolin Soccer. It is the counter-point to Gymkata's point. Seriously. They apply martial arts to sports. It's like Gymkata in reverse. Although, to be fair, Shaolin Soccer doesn't take itself seriously like Gymkata does. But there is pommel horsing with the soccer ball. Soccer in China is much more exciting than it is in the rest of the world.

If you liked Gymkata, you'll love Shaolin Soccer. Oh, and...I want to fight your brother...him, against me...let's kung fu!

The Hidden Benefits of Moving

So, I've started to go through my crap as Susan and I get ready to move to Chicago. Found some interesting stuff tonight.

Nothing more interesting than my AU yearbook. I'm not sure that I ever went through that thing. But I did tonight. Interesting. Especially what I reproduce for you below - an interview with one Brian Chapin, Speaker.

What are the most serious issues facing the AU student community?

The two most serious issues facing our community are a lack of communication between segments of our community and a fundamental lack of institutions around which to build pride among the student body.

What have you done to address these issues?

We provide a forum for students to voice concerns. Furthermore,we attempt to ensure that the programming done by student government fosters communication between students and brings them together.

What had been the highlight of your term, and why?

Transforming the General Assembly from a place dominated by pettiness into a Legislature that serves students' interests.

What are your long term goals?

I'd like to attend law school and become a prosecutor. Eventually, I'd like to participate in a process that re-thinks the philosophy behind our system of corrections.

----

There is also a picture of Brian in action as speaker - I didn't know he had to wear a suit and tie to the "Legislature" - and a message from him on the facing page, signed Brian Chapin, Speaker Emeritus.

Emeritus!?!

Now This is Comedy

The number one link on Google when searching for "joe weinberg" is this: Joseph Weinberg & Associates: ReDefining Masculinity.

"Bra-Man" the Comic

Yeah, you read it right. It really makes me chuckle in a sophomoric (44th Street-ic?) way. (Link is actually safe for work, believe it or not.)

Minister of Intolerance...

...send me your current e-mail address to brian.chapin@bearingpoint.com.

And Neal Sharma? Are you kidding me? I love Neal, but being the CEO of another internet startup (let alone Kansas City's 29th-fastest growing company) hardly qualifies one to be on the board of trustees. I mean, I am the CEO of My Ass, but I'm not applying for Board membership.

But, he excels at self-promotion, and this is just the latest example.

This Just In...

Neal Sharma has been appointed to the AU Board of Trustees. Shouldn't there be an age requirement for this board? What the hell is the purpose of this board, anyway?

Beer? Check. Coffee? Check.

My friends, we are saved.

"Consuming coffee seems to have some protective benefits against alcoholic cirrhosis, and the more coffee a person consumes the less risk they seem to have of being hospitalised or dying of alcoholic cirrhosis," says Arthur Klatsky at Kaiser Permanente Medical Care Programme in Oakland, California, US, who led the study. . . .

People drinking one cup of coffee per day were, on average, 20% less likely to develop alcoholic cirrhosis. For people drinking two or three cups the reduction was 40%, and for those drinking four or more cups of coffee a day the reduction in risk was 80%.

Boo. Ya.

World Cup

I am, at best, a casual fan of soccer. So, I throw it out to the soccer experts out there - was the shellacking yesterday of the U.S. by the Czechs as complete as it seemed to me? Just curious.

By the way, I'd call the two hours of my time that I invested in watching the game "two hours I'll never get back" but I was at work so I really can't complain.

Zesty, oh, Zesty...

...why have you not updated your blog in nearly 2 months?

In other news, Ben Roethlisberger is an idiot. He has a 6-year contract worth $22.3M, plus another $17.7M available in incentive bonuses, and he CHOOSES NOT TO WEAR A MOTORCYCLE HELMET?????

He should just start mailing me his money in FedEx envelopes. He obviously doesn't care enough about keeping it, or his life.

I know how to fix it...

The way to solve this with Sen Grassley and the AU Board of Trustees is to have him and the chairman play a game of rock, paper, scissors.

Pure genius.

Will This Ever End?

The continuing "fallout" from the Ladner saga.

Today's U.S. Senators walk in the footsteps of giants. Few will ever be considered giants themselves. The debate is over for Charles Grassley. It is truly astounding that one person - even a U.S. Senator - could have such an inflated view of his self-importance to propose federal legislation to change the Board of Trustees at one university. I can't be certain, but I don't think Henry Clay or Daniel Webster would have done that.

Beyond that, AU would do well to start communicating better to the school's stakeholders - and here I am thinking about alumni - about what it is doing to move past this story. Glad to see they've made changes to the board. Thanks for making me read about it in the Post. They still have a long way to go.

Marginal Connection to Temporarily Sort Of Famous People

Here's an update on some people that I can barely claim to be affiliated with:

1. You may have noticed that the winner of the National Spelling Bee was named Katharine Close. So, Chris, you may ask, are you related to her? Turns out I am. She is my third cousin - at least that's how I think it works out. Our fathers are first cousins. And for a better frame of reference for anyone at my wedding, she is the niece of Fr. Fred Close, who married Susan and me. Of course, I'm talking about marginal connections here and I haven't met her or her parents before.

2. Have you seen The Break Up? Nope, neither have I. Maybe 50-50 that I will. But a guy I went to high school with, Jay Lavender, was one of the writers (that's why it's 50-50 I'll actually go see it, normally it's 20-80 against). Jay was a good guy, and it's good to see him doing well. Again, it's a marginal connection at best - haven't seen him in years.

So that's that.

Beer? Not the place to look for vitamins?

... That's un-possible!

I do, vaguely, remember something about a tradition of big yellow vitamins at 4319.

This is the next phase of the (r)evolution.

http://http://www.beveragebusiness.com/bbcontent/art98/ponti0606B.html