Do You Take It?

So barely work safe, it's not actually work safe.

Double Happiness

Oh... Oh my.
The seventh seal has been opened. Pre-order your own copy now.

New Lewis

Nate was born at 10:34 on 12/22. Manda's water broke the night before at about 6:30, and we went to the hospital at about 8:30. We've got pictures up at Walgreens (you'll need to make an account there to see them). There's one picture of him on the scale right after delivery showing him weighing 7 pounds, two ounces. Later, while up in the nursery, the nurse was checking him out, and asked me if he was close to nine pounds, because he felt so heavy. I told her what the scale said he weighed, so she weighed him again, and he was 8 pounds 5 ounces. So that picture is pretty funny now.

I Believe the Phrase is "Huzzah!"

Brain Can Repair Alcohol's Damage

Catch Me Ridin' Dirrrrrty............

Mainly I posted because I just couldn't stand to see "Malted Vomit" on top of this blog any more. I couldn't help but conjure a visual image of what that must look like, and it just made me ill.

Oh, and as part of my current project, my team is conducting "user observations". The goal is to watch cops do their job in the field and then come into the precinct house, to see how, when, where, and why they would use the tool we're developing for them.

So, Thursday, I will spend the day roaming with New York's Finest as they patrol in the territory of "The 7-9", reputedly NYC's toughest (aka most crime-ridden) precinct. The 79th Precinct encompasses a 1.2 square mile patch of land in north Brooklyn that is more popularly known as Bedford Stuyvesant, or "Bed-Stuy". Among Bed-Stuy's notable alumni are Jay-Z, Notorious BIG, Big Daddy Kane, Mos Def...and Lil' Kim.

Will report back (possibly with pics, if the cops allow me to take them).

Oh, and I'm getting outfitted with Kevlar for this particular mission. Sh-weeetttt.

Malted Vomit...

...or, why I (heart) XM...

Because how else would I hear Guttermouth on my way to work in the morning?

Great Article

About my college cross country coach.

Spot on.

FYI - There is a great deal of profanity, as would be expected in the City Paper and from Matt.

Please Pen the Goose...

Today, I watched the Bears-Vikings game on Fox, featuring the broadcasting trio of Dick "Hair Plug " Stockton, Daryl "Moose" Johnston, and Tony "The Big Fat Stupid Idiot" Siragusa. Now, I like Stockton despite his awful hair plugs, Moose is a surprisingly good broacaster and will always have a warm spot in my heart due to his tenure as a Cowboy, but I CAN'T STAND Tony Siragusa.

Has there ever been a sideline reporter given to more idiotic utterances than Siragusa? Can Fox not see that he is an awful "reporter"? It seems that instead, they're giving himself more rope to hang himself. Today, it appeared that they gave him an open mic on the sideline. He frequently interrupted Stockton and Johnston with random utterances like, "Yeah, I'm here, I'm here" or "I'm like an icecube." He was obviously talking to other people on the sidelines, not paying attention to the fact that his mic was on. It became first distracting, then annoying, then downright painful.

Please, Fox, pull the plug on the Goose, before I'm forced to watch crappy AFC football on CBS.

VW Rocks, But Will I?

So in anticipation of my new job* starting in a couple weeks (and the impending non-public transportation friendly commute) I purchased a car this weekend. It is a Volkswagen. And if you have been watching television, you know that I inadvertantly purchased this as well.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do with this.

I could donate it somewhere, I suppose. I could also try to sell it on ebay. Or, at age 31, with no prior musical training in any instrument nor any known inclination towards music, I could try to learn how to play it. Of course, since my amp will be my car, practicing in my complex will be a little awkward.

I have 8-10 weeks to figure this out. If anyone has any other ideas, please feel free to let me know.

*The new job is pending a background check and drug test. However, if I fail the background check, let's just say that not only I but the FBI will have some serious questions about how the check was conducted. So, on 12/11, I should be joining BP America.

To my friends at Thanksgiving...

I don't usually go in for this kind of sappy crap. But what the hell...

If you think about the ups and downs, and how things have changed and/or stayed the same (yes, someone should still slap chapin)... we, as a group, have much to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving guys,

--M

Josh: Email me

mrsnyder@syr.edu

thank you sir,

--M

Two A-holes Go to Home Depot....

During our recent spate of home improvement projects, we've spent a lot of time at the Home Depot paint desk.

In all this time, across all of these rooms, I've arrived at the Home Depot paint desk prepared. This means arriving knowing the following:

1. Brand -- Behr.
2. Color and Number -- "Polar Bear", #1875.
3. Finish -- Satin Enamel.
4. Amount: One Gallon.

There's nothing I hate more than people who arrive at the paint desk unprepared. Like last night's couple. They easily weighed 600 pounds combined, dressed poorly, and were barely groomed. And they behaved just like a couple in a recent series of Saturday Night Live sketches, titled, "Two A-Holes...." Well, last night, two A-Holes went to Home Depot.

Despite not being in line at all, the male half of this hideous pair, back hair sprouting from his shirt opening, interrupted me to ask the paint guy, "Uh, can I get a gallon. I think it's called Cougar Brown. I, uh, saw it on the wall over there."

Paint Desk Employee: "I'm not aware of any color named that under any of the brands we sell here." (Glidden, Behr, Ralph Lauren, Disney) "Are you sure that's what it was called?"

Hairy Idiot: "Yeah, like I said, we saw it on the wall over there."

Paint Desk Employee: "Well, let me check".....afer checking....."Sir, there's no Cougar Brown in our system."

Hairy Idiot: "Babe -- it was Cougar Brown, right?"

Idiot's Wife: "Yeah."

Paint Desk Employee: "Well, sir, like I say, it's not in our system."

Hairy Idiot: "Babe -- call your sister, ask her what it was."

Idiot's Wife: After calling sister on cell phone -- "It was Benjamin Moore paint."

At this point the couple walked away...why?

Because Home Depot here in Connecticut (and probably everywhere else) DOES NOT CARRY Benjamin Moore paint. So it was impossible for them to have "...seen it on the wall...."

15 minutes of my life, I'll never get back, thanks to those 2 A-Holes.

Just Say No to Bank of America Visa Credit Cards

I share this story with you in the hopes that I can start an online revolution here that will lead millions of Bank of America Visa credit card holders to cut up those cards.

Once upon a time, I held an MBNA Visa card. And all was well. My account rarely, if ever, had problems.

But then one day, Bank of America bought MBNA. Changes were coming, they said, but I figured all was well because I think I'm a very adaptable person.

Without asking, Bank of America sent me a Bank of America Visa card to replace my MBNA card. They said it was because some of our personal information may have been stolen. I hadn't heard about that, but ok I said. And it wasn't a big deal - though I think Bank of America just wanted to brand all their new customers' credit cards.

A few days later, I tried to pay my bill on-line through the new Bank of America web site. Except I couldn't because the web site was down. Customer service did take my payment over the phone without charging me a service fee. That was the right thing to do.

Then one day I received an automated phone call telling me that there was some questionable activity on my account. I didn't know if my wife had made the charges in question so I had to check. The nice customer service person said just call him back and let him know.

Now, the customer service guy may have - maybe even probably - told me that my account would have a hold on it until I called back. But that message didn't get through to me. My wife indeed had made the charges but I did not call back that night.

It's not such a big deal, but when you have your credit card turned down at Quiznos, you wonder what's going on. So I logged on, but my account information was not accessible because of the hold. I was directed to go to a website where I could resolve the issues online. Except it was not operational.

So I called customer service and was put on hold...for 30 minutes. Customer service was in the midst of fixing my problem when I was disconnected.

So I called back and waited for another 30 minutes.

It takes a lot for me to get upsetwith customer service. I know they are trying their best and it was Bank of America's fault not theirs. I kept my cool.

Today, my Bank of America credit card was turned down at a grocery store. I had received no call about questionable activity and I had just paid my bill. There should be no problems.

I logged on and once again my account was on a hold -a service I did not request nor do I want if it is going to do this. Once again the fraud protection website was not operational. And as I type this, I have been on hold for 75 minutes and counting.

75 MINUTES!

If you have a Bank of America Visa Card, I urge you, like I will do, to find a new company to get a Visa card from. And I can't wait in a week or two, with my new card in hand, to wait through 75 minutes on hold just to cancel my Bank of America card with extreme prejudice.

F you, Bank of America.

New York, New York...

This week commenced my first official week as part of a new team permanently stationed in New York and working for New York's Finest...though, I've been working there on and off for the last few weeks while also spending time in DC wrapping up business.

NYPD headquarters, where I work, is located just northwest of the Brooklyn Bridge and the South Street Seaport. Which means that on a nice day...and 2 of the last 3 have been nice...one can grab a slice of pizza or a hot dog from a vendor, sit on a bench, and admire a great view of the Brooklyn Bridge, the East River (which is not really a river but a tidal strait), and the Brooklyn and Manhattan skylines. I can't tell you how much this rules over sitting in a characterless suburban office park somewhere outside of Washington, DC. God damn, I missed working in the city!

I will say, though, that compared with the NYC subway, DC's Metro is an absolute beauty. The subway is crowded all of the time, the stations are cramped, and I'd like to ask the transit authority who had the bright idea of making the entry and exit aisles the same?! It doesn't make for the most efficient flow of humanity.

I also had lunch with Mr. Matt Geller, attorney at law. He is doing quite well and was full of entertaining stories of miscreants and mishaps at the Fire Department. I look forward to hanging out with Geller more often now that we're in the same geographic region.

Finally, Audrey had her latest "well baby" check this afternoon, and she passed with flying colors. She's now something like 75th percentile for weight and 90th percentile for height. The respective figures 4 weeks ago were 25th and 50th, so this is a huge improvement.

Pics can be found at http://audrey.phanfare.com. I updated it last night, so you can check out Halloween at Casa de Chapin, and other such fine events..............

Geller's contact info...

Would anyone who has Matt Geller's contact info please send it to me in an e-mail? I have his business card somewhere, but it went into a box when I moved my stuff to CT in August, and now I'm not sure which box it's in. Now that I work within walking distance of the Brooklyn Bridge, I'd love to get in touch with him....

At Long Last...

...I'm sorry to knock Chris' post off the top, because I also think Departed is awesome and well-worth the price of a ticket, but...

I FINALLY HAVE A JOB IN NEW YORK!

I will be working on a long-term engagement with the NYPD for my current employer. 16 months, $5M, with options running out to five years. And, I will be leading a large chunk of the work. Oh, sweet relief!

I will begin on Monday, but will be back to DC at least once or twice in the next two weeks to wrap up my professional responsibilities in DC.

The next phase begins................

Must See Movie

I don't normally recommend movies to people - mostly because I really don't go to see too many movies - but for this crowd, The Departed is a must see. Great action, great one-liners. Recommend against taking your kids.

Go see it.

What Have You Done, YellowFever?

Have you broken the heart of some Guangdong warlord's daughter? Cause they're looking for you.

The Assassination Game Grows Up...

Check out this article. The Assassination Game is now being played on the streets of New York. Awesome.

In other news, no baby yet. Argh.

Minor Modification

There is to be a shindig in my honor on Friday night from 7 PM to 9 PM. (Those local to DC will be receiving emails shortly.) What say you? Drinking after 9? Or drinking on Saturday? Either way, Nanny's is the current selection. I am open to suggestion/ridicule/advice.