The AU Eagles men's basketball team has been WOEFUL this season. Prior to today, they were 3-14, and had losses to Mount St. Mary's, Md. Eastern Shore, Fairfield, and UMBC among others.
Today, I stepped in to right the ship. Wielding the BFD, twirling it to engage that hypnotic "VOOP" sound, I guided the young Eagles to a state of self-confidence.
"Listen to the VOOP," I told them in a pre-game speech in the bowels of Bender Arena. "The VOOP wants to be victorious. The VOOP wants to you to dunk, to drain the 3, to rebound without mercy -- to excite the chubby, mediocre AU Spirit Dancers in their whorish red dresses that don't cover their too-big, too many late night chicken patty with french fries asses. It wants them to follow YOUR furrows in the snow. Now get out there and make it happen!"
The outcome: a 73-63 victory over the skinnier, white kids from Colgate.
I rest my case.
PS Stephen Lumpkins is the next Brian Gilmore. You heard it here first.
2 comments:
Well, yes, the VOOP is all-powerful.
I caught the game on CBS College Sports. Frankly, most of the first half reminded me of AU-GMU games from our time at AU, as neither team seemed to realize that the object of the game is to put the ball through the hoop. But the second half was much better.
I'm curious about Vlad, though. I just don't understand how a guy can score almost 30 points against a Big East team, and then never come close since then.
Colgate. What a safety school.
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