First off, I can't hear the name Branigan without thinking 'Zap.'
Secondly, you should never watch award shows. Ever. Unless the alternative is poking an eye out. And then you should only use that eye. No need to punish the other one.
Thirdly, "the days of the Smashing Pumpkins, Pearl Jam, and Nirvana on stage in the same year" clearly happened in the Year of the White [and Unhappy] People.
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Monday, August 30, 2004
Gloria, Gloria....
...for the record, I did not wish a brain aneurysm on Laura Branigan. I reserve that privilege for much greater thorns in my side, like, say, all the members of HoobaSTANK. Has a band ever sucked so hard on the VMAs?
And speaking of the Suck Awards 2004, how on earth did Outkast beat out Jay-Z for Video of the Year? Only Usher's multiple awards were more patently purchased by a record label.
And jeez, check out Chaka Khan -- apparently she's practicing to be the model for the Madame Tussaud's wax doll of Aretha Franklin circa 2000-2004.
What happened to the days of the Smashing Pumpkins, Pearl Jam, and Nirvana on stage in the same year? Just an anomaly in a long line of sucking? I feel old...
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
The BASF Candidate
Watching the Kerry campaign is like watching a damn BASF commercial. WTF do they do?!?
"John F Kerry doesn't make the policy of the United States...but he'll make it better..."
"John F Kerry doesn't make the policy of the United States...but he'll make it better..."
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Re: Cleaning Supplies
Sadly, the Malt Shop has discovered at least some cleaning supplies. On our last visit there, all the best grafitti in the bathroom had been scrubbed off including the barely readable drunken scrawl related to Jose Weinbergo. Have to remember to bring a Sharpie next time.
Hand of God
How that place didn't burst into a sudden conflagration of year old Yuengling and Knob Creek, I'll never understand. I get nervous seeing a lighter ignite inside the walls of that place. And an electrical fire?? I can't imagine how that could have happened!
No worries, guys...
My bud-diesel-fueled intuition and telekinesis were in full effect Friday evening. As if from a great distance, i heard the Golden Tee console's cries for help, and applied my mental powers to the never-used bottles of cleaning supplies stacked behind the men's room, causing a small flood that doused the flames and saved the day.
The reason it's closed until today is because they've never really seen cleaning supplies before, and it's taken them a couple days to figure out what the hell that stuff is.
The reason it's closed until today is because they've never really seen cleaning supplies before, and it's taken them a couple days to figure out what the hell that stuff is.
Monday, August 23, 2004
You know what this means, don't you...
We will have to celebrate a special night at the Malt Shoppe, giving thanks to the gods for its miraculous survival...and yes, given how old, decrepit, and soaked with alcohol that place is, it's a miracle an electrical spark didn't touch off a conflagration.
In the immortal words of Beavis, "Liar, Liar, pants on, whoa......!"
In the immortal words of Beavis, "Liar, Liar, pants on, whoa......!"
The Malt Shop Has Burned Down, aka The Worst 45 Minutes of My Life
The Malt Shop is safe - for now.
Upon hearing from Mr. Renkey that the Malt Shop had burned down this weekend - a malicious rumor passed along apparently by one Dave Wallace - I rushed to the scene to investigate. Or, more accurately, I was going to be in the neighborhood, so I stopped by.
Expecting to find a charred hulk of a building and a melted Golden Tee 2005 discarded outside, I was greeted only by the sight of police tape and a note that said the Dancing Crab and Malt Shop will be closed until the 24th. No signs of fire damage or structural damage (at least no structural damage caused by a fire) could be seen on the outside of the building and the neon beer signs that are in the Malt Shop windows appeared to be normal.
I posted an AP story below - apparently it was just a little electrical fire.
Upon hearing from Mr. Renkey that the Malt Shop had burned down this weekend - a malicious rumor passed along apparently by one Dave Wallace - I rushed to the scene to investigate. Or, more accurately, I was going to be in the neighborhood, so I stopped by.
Expecting to find a charred hulk of a building and a melted Golden Tee 2005 discarded outside, I was greeted only by the sight of police tape and a note that said the Dancing Crab and Malt Shop will be closed until the 24th. No signs of fire damage or structural damage (at least no structural damage caused by a fire) could be seen on the outside of the building and the neon beer signs that are in the Malt Shop windows appeared to be normal.
I posted an AP story below - apparently it was just a little electrical fire.
The Malt Shop Story
Notice they don't actually reference The Malt Shop in the story though:
21 August 2004
07:49 pm GMT
Associated Press Newswires
English
(c) 2004. The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.
Northwest restaurants survive electrical fire
119 words21 August 2004
07:49 pm GMT
Associated Press Newswires
English
(c) 2004. The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.
WASHINGTON (AP) - An electrical fire has shutdown a popular Tenleytown restaurant at least for today.
D-C firefighters responded to a blaze this morning outside the Dancing Crab and neighboring Portuguese restaurant, Caravela in the 46-hundred block of Wisconsin Avenue in Northwest.
Fire department spokesman Alan Etter says a short circuit on the electrical meter outside the seafood restaurant triggered the blaze.
Firefighters arrived to plumes of smoke, but managed to contain the flames after shutting down the power.
Etter says the electrical fire did not damage the building, but the back wall is scorched. There's also smoke inside the restaurants. Caravela is expected to be open tonight.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
A.C.
My one and only trip to A.C. took place in 1997 with the Bad Lieutenant, in the midst of his gambling binge, Skufca, and Chiasson. I was not pleased overall with the A.C. experience, mostly because the $10 blackjack table I was gambling at and winning at, of all things, was raised to $25 and they wouldn't let me stay at $10, which is an outrage. I then proceeded to lose everywhere else.
But what really sucked was the drive. The biggest problem is not the turnpikes. I seem to remember that there is a stretch of two lane highway before you get to the A.C. Expressway that is just brutally slow as it passes through many a town. That's where the extra time comes in.
However, seven years later, I am ready to give it another chance.
But what really sucked was the drive. The biggest problem is not the turnpikes. I seem to remember that there is a stretch of two lane highway before you get to the A.C. Expressway that is just brutally slow as it passes through many a town. That's where the extra time comes in.
However, seven years later, I am ready to give it another chance.
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
15 Starters, 22 Lettermen...
Dazed and Confused: Special Edition comes to DVD in November.
That's what I love about high school girls...I get older, they stay the same age....
That's what I love about high school girls...I get older, they stay the same age....
Mapquest is on crack...
...I can get to the entrance to the New Jersey Turnpike from Arlington in under 2 hrs, and there's no way it takes 1.5 hours from the turnpike to AC.
I think a mid-fall roadtrip up there is a fantastic idea. Borgata, here we come.
I think a mid-fall roadtrip up there is a fantastic idea. Borgata, here we come.
Atlantic City Poker Tournaments
For those who are interested (we talked about this a little on Friday night), here is a schedule of poker tournaments at the Tropicana, Taj Mahal, and Borgata in Atlantic City.
I am particularly intrigued by the Tropicana's 11:15 a.m. Saturday tournament for $50 + $15. Of course, AC is still ass far away - 3.5 hours according to Mapquest, and it feels further than that when you go - but maybe some Saturday this fall we can venture up there.
I am particularly intrigued by the Tropicana's 11:15 a.m. Saturday tournament for $50 + $15. Of course, AC is still ass far away - 3.5 hours according to Mapquest, and it feels further than that when you go - but maybe some Saturday this fall we can venture up there.
Monday, August 09, 2004
Rick James on a slab
That, and the punk of funk is dead.
I have a call in to our women's studies and mechanical engineering departments here at SU to see if they're interested in putting together the first annual Rick James Memorial Symposium on Gender Relations and Thermal Conduction.
I have a call in to our women's studies and mechanical engineering departments here at SU to see if they're interested in putting together the first annual Rick James Memorial Symposium on Gender Relations and Thermal Conduction.
Sunday, August 08, 2004
Christ on a Stick
Weeks -- weeks -- with nothing. Then I get distracted for four days and find myself looking at the debris of shit Chapin stirred up. Why am I not surprised Chapin is the one who started this?
All y'all are nuts.
However, I will contribute one piece that has been hinted at by Matt, but not fully mentioned regarding the current threat. Frankly, we don't know the half of what the President or his cabinet know. All we get are the "safe" pieces that they feel can be shared with the public at large without fear of compromising their sources or abilities.
And MrSnyder golfing?? 10 guage golfing?
All y'all are nuts.
However, I will contribute one piece that has been hinted at by Matt, but not fully mentioned regarding the current threat. Frankly, we don't know the half of what the President or his cabinet know. All we get are the "safe" pieces that they feel can be shared with the public at large without fear of compromising their sources or abilities.
And MrSnyder golfing?? 10 guage golfing?
Friday, August 06, 2004
Quadruplicate
I do like to make my points over and over again.
Actually, blogger.com was not working real well that day. I kept trying to post and it kept freezing. I was afraid that was going to happen. It's a good thing I can edit those out.
And there shouldn't be a credibility gap when what we said about WMD's was accepted by everyone, including Bill Clinton. The Administration might have been wrong - and we know Saddam did have WMD's at one point, don't we - but they didn't lie about what the intelligence said. The credibility gap that exists is because they don't fight back when attacked unfairly so there is a perception of a credibility gap.
Snyder, I'm sticking to Golden Tee for my golf for right now.
Actually, blogger.com was not working real well that day. I kept trying to post and it kept freezing. I was afraid that was going to happen. It's a good thing I can edit those out.
And there shouldn't be a credibility gap when what we said about WMD's was accepted by everyone, including Bill Clinton. The Administration might have been wrong - and we know Saddam did have WMD's at one point, don't we - but they didn't lie about what the intelligence said. The credibility gap that exists is because they don't fight back when attacked unfairly so there is a perception of a credibility gap.
Snyder, I'm sticking to Golden Tee for my golf for right now.
speaking of bruises...
...a couple weekends ago I played the first round of golf of my entire life.
The way I see it, I've got 2/3 of my golf game squared away very well, thank you: I know all the swear words and I know exactly what to do when the chick on the beer cart rolls up.
The other 1/3? Let's review: Put a driver in my hands and you've got a danger to players on adjoining (and far distant) fairways. And clubhouses. And carts. And neighboring houses. And wildlife. One of my tee shots (OK, maybe a couple) actually left me further from the green than when I started. Many went into the kind of woods that I usually only go in to hunt turkeys. I got poison ivy and I fucked up one of their carts pretty bad when I high-centered it on a blowdown.
Putting? Well, if you've ever seen me putt in Golden Tee, I think you know what to expect. The rest of my short game was surprisingly good; swinging a pitching wedge or a short 9-iron isn't a lot different from shooting trap with a shotgun, and I'm pretty good at that.
But then there's the 3-iron. That cold, hard metallic bitch. Now I know where all of Close's anger comes from. I spent a significant portion of my day standing in or under trees, hacking at the little round white dimply motherfucker with the goddamn 3-iron because I'd shanked my tee shot a solid 200 yards in the wrong damn direction.
Close, I feel ya, brotha...
I hit ONE good shot with the 3-iron all day -- I could feel it and hear it -- crushed the holy bejesus out of the little round white dimply motherfucker, & I know it cleared the tree I was standing under, which meant it had to be on a crash course for the unattainable green. But because I was concentrating so hard on keeping my head down I never saw where the little round white dimply motherfucker went, and we never found it -- think it carried over the back of the green (again, much like my golden tee game), and the beer cart chick showed up again before we found it, so the search was abandoned. Chris, if you'd take golf advice from a rank novice, it's this: Give up early and often, drink steadily but not so much that you fall from the cart, and leave the 3-iron in the bag. Or the car.
Won't be at the Malt Shop this weekend... nor next. Perhaps the weekend of Aug. 21 or 28, need to get some things squared away around the house but will do my best to let everyone know well in advance whether I'm drifting through or not.
The way I see it, I've got 2/3 of my golf game squared away very well, thank you: I know all the swear words and I know exactly what to do when the chick on the beer cart rolls up.
The other 1/3? Let's review: Put a driver in my hands and you've got a danger to players on adjoining (and far distant) fairways. And clubhouses. And carts. And neighboring houses. And wildlife. One of my tee shots (OK, maybe a couple) actually left me further from the green than when I started. Many went into the kind of woods that I usually only go in to hunt turkeys. I got poison ivy and I fucked up one of their carts pretty bad when I high-centered it on a blowdown.
Putting? Well, if you've ever seen me putt in Golden Tee, I think you know what to expect. The rest of my short game was surprisingly good; swinging a pitching wedge or a short 9-iron isn't a lot different from shooting trap with a shotgun, and I'm pretty good at that.
But then there's the 3-iron. That cold, hard metallic bitch. Now I know where all of Close's anger comes from. I spent a significant portion of my day standing in or under trees, hacking at the little round white dimply motherfucker with the goddamn 3-iron because I'd shanked my tee shot a solid 200 yards in the wrong damn direction.
Close, I feel ya, brotha...
I hit ONE good shot with the 3-iron all day -- I could feel it and hear it -- crushed the holy bejesus out of the little round white dimply motherfucker, & I know it cleared the tree I was standing under, which meant it had to be on a crash course for the unattainable green. But because I was concentrating so hard on keeping my head down I never saw where the little round white dimply motherfucker went, and we never found it -- think it carried over the back of the green (again, much like my golden tee game), and the beer cart chick showed up again before we found it, so the search was abandoned. Chris, if you'd take golf advice from a rank novice, it's this: Give up early and often, drink steadily but not so much that you fall from the cart, and leave the 3-iron in the bag. Or the car.
Won't be at the Malt Shop this weekend... nor next. Perhaps the weekend of Aug. 21 or 28, need to get some things squared away around the house but will do my best to let everyone know well in advance whether I'm drifting through or not.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
That Last Sentence Was a Winner...
...I could use several malty beverages. Snyder, are you coming to town? In any case, we should definitely waste dollars and bruise hands on the Golden Tee 2045 machine.
More importantly...
OK, I concede that there is a credibility gap in the minds of millions of people. I'm just saying that those people are as wrong about Bush as they were about Clinton. And Close made his point in quadruplicate, presumably to push something off of the page...
But. If you look at what the president said before the war, he specifically didn't say iminent threat. That's what all the Democrats said after no WMD showed up. You might recall the whole point of the war was that it was preemptive. That means before the threat is iminent. And it wasn't just us who said he had weapons. Everyone thought he did.
The bottom line is that we know he had 'em cause we gave them to him. So in order for him to not have them anymore, what must have happened? He must have destroyed them secretly, so that he could maintain the sanctions and have to live off of the Oil for Food corruption. This makes no sense at all. All he would have had to do was bring the stuff out, destroy it in front of the UN, and he'd be free and clear to do business with all the French and German and Russian companies without having to pay off the UN.
The administration did (in their usual charming understated way) point out that there were a bunch of UN Resolutions, including the last one, 1441, which pretty explicitly authorized the use of force, even though we could argue that he'd broken the cease fire agreement or whatever it was from the first Gulf War, and that we had everything we needed to resume hostilities.
But now to actually address the title of this post. Are we gonna apply our blog's name this weekend or what?
But. If you look at what the president said before the war, he specifically didn't say iminent threat. That's what all the Democrats said after no WMD showed up. You might recall the whole point of the war was that it was preemptive. That means before the threat is iminent. And it wasn't just us who said he had weapons. Everyone thought he did.
The bottom line is that we know he had 'em cause we gave them to him. So in order for him to not have them anymore, what must have happened? He must have destroyed them secretly, so that he could maintain the sanctions and have to live off of the Oil for Food corruption. This makes no sense at all. All he would have had to do was bring the stuff out, destroy it in front of the UN, and he'd be free and clear to do business with all the French and German and Russian companies without having to pay off the UN.
The administration did (in their usual charming understated way) point out that there were a bunch of UN Resolutions, including the last one, 1441, which pretty explicitly authorized the use of force, even though we could argue that he'd broken the cease fire agreement or whatever it was from the first Gulf War, and that we had everything we needed to resume hostilities.
But now to actually address the title of this post. Are we gonna apply our blog's name this weekend or what?
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