You know what this means, don't you...

We will have to celebrate a special night at the Malt Shoppe, giving thanks to the gods for its miraculous survival...and yes, given how old, decrepit, and soaked with alcohol that place is, it's a miracle an electrical spark didn't touch off a conflagration.

In the immortal words of Beavis, "Liar, Liar, pants on, whoa......!"

The Malt Shop Has Burned Down, aka The Worst 45 Minutes of My Life

The Malt Shop is safe - for now.

Upon hearing from Mr. Renkey that the Malt Shop had burned down this weekend - a malicious rumor passed along apparently by one Dave Wallace - I rushed to the scene to investigate. Or, more accurately, I was going to be in the neighborhood, so I stopped by.

Expecting to find a charred hulk of a building and a melted Golden Tee 2005 discarded outside, I was greeted only by the sight of police tape and a note that said the Dancing Crab and Malt Shop will be closed until the 24th. No signs of fire damage or structural damage (at least no structural damage caused by a fire) could be seen on the outside of the building and the neon beer signs that are in the Malt Shop windows appeared to be normal.

I posted an AP story below - apparently it was just a little electrical fire.

The Malt Shop Story

Notice they don't actually reference The Malt Shop in the story though:

Northwest restaurants survive electrical fire

119 words
21 August 2004
07:49 pm GMT
Associated Press Newswires
English
(c) 2004. The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.

WASHINGTON (AP) - An electrical fire has shutdown a popular Tenleytown restaurant at least for today.

D-C firefighters responded to a blaze this morning outside the Dancing Crab and neighboring Portuguese restaurant, Caravela in the 46-hundred block of Wisconsin Avenue in Northwest.

Fire department spokesman Alan Etter says a short circuit on the electrical meter outside the seafood restaurant triggered the blaze.

Firefighters arrived to plumes of smoke, but managed to contain the flames after shutting down the power.

Etter says the electrical fire did not damage the building, but the back wall is scorched. There's also smoke inside the restaurants. Caravela is expected to be open tonight.

A.C.

My one and only trip to A.C. took place in 1997 with the Bad Lieutenant, in the midst of his gambling binge, Skufca, and Chiasson. I was not pleased overall with the A.C. experience, mostly because the $10 blackjack table I was gambling at and winning at, of all things, was raised to $25 and they wouldn't let me stay at $10, which is an outrage. I then proceeded to lose everywhere else.

But what really sucked was the drive. The biggest problem is not the turnpikes. I seem to remember that there is a stretch of two lane highway before you get to the A.C. Expressway that is just brutally slow as it passes through many a town. That's where the extra time comes in.

However, seven years later, I am ready to give it another chance.

15 Starters, 22 Lettermen...

Dazed and Confused: Special Edition comes to DVD in November.

That's what I love about high school girls...I get older, they stay the same age....

Mapquest is on crack...

...I can get to the entrance to the New Jersey Turnpike from Arlington in under 2 hrs, and there's no way it takes 1.5 hours from the turnpike to AC.

I think a mid-fall roadtrip up there is a fantastic idea. Borgata, here we come.

Atlantic City Poker Tournaments

For those who are interested (we talked about this a little on Friday night), here is a schedule of poker tournaments at the Tropicana, Taj Mahal, and Borgata in Atlantic City.

I am particularly intrigued by the Tropicana's 11:15 a.m. Saturday tournament for $50 + $15. Of course, AC is still ass far away - 3.5 hours according to Mapquest, and it feels further than that when you go - but maybe some Saturday this fall we can venture up there.

Rick James on a slab

That, and the punk of funk is dead.

I have a call in to our women's studies and mechanical engineering departments here at SU to see if they're interested in putting together the first annual Rick James Memorial Symposium on Gender Relations and Thermal Conduction.

Christ on a Stick

Weeks -- weeks -- with nothing. Then I get distracted for four days and find myself looking at the debris of shit Chapin stirred up. Why am I not surprised Chapin is the one who started this?

All y'all are nuts.

However, I will contribute one piece that has been hinted at by Matt, but not fully mentioned regarding the current threat. Frankly, we don't know the half of what the President or his cabinet know. All we get are the "safe" pieces that they feel can be shared with the public at large without fear of compromising their sources or abilities.

And MrSnyder golfing?? 10 guage golfing?

Quadruplicate

I do like to make my points over and over again.

Actually, blogger.com was not working real well that day. I kept trying to post and it kept freezing. I was afraid that was going to happen. It's a good thing I can edit those out.

And there shouldn't be a credibility gap when what we said about WMD's was accepted by everyone, including Bill Clinton. The Administration might have been wrong - and we know Saddam did have WMD's at one point, don't we - but they didn't lie about what the intelligence said. The credibility gap that exists is because they don't fight back when attacked unfairly so there is a perception of a credibility gap.

Snyder, I'm sticking to Golden Tee for my golf for right now.

speaking of bruises...

...a couple weekends ago I played the first round of golf of my entire life.

The way I see it, I've got 2/3 of my golf game squared away very well, thank you: I know all the swear words and I know exactly what to do when the chick on the beer cart rolls up.

The other 1/3? Let's review: Put a driver in my hands and you've got a danger to players on adjoining (and far distant) fairways. And clubhouses. And carts. And neighboring houses. And wildlife. One of my tee shots (OK, maybe a couple) actually left me further from the green than when I started. Many went into the kind of woods that I usually only go in to hunt turkeys. I got poison ivy and I fucked up one of their carts pretty bad when I high-centered it on a blowdown.

Putting? Well, if you've ever seen me putt in Golden Tee, I think you know what to expect. The rest of my short game was surprisingly good; swinging a pitching wedge or a short 9-iron isn't a lot different from shooting trap with a shotgun, and I'm pretty good at that.

But then there's the 3-iron. That cold, hard metallic bitch. Now I know where all of Close's anger comes from. I spent a significant portion of my day standing in or under trees, hacking at the little round white dimply motherfucker with the goddamn 3-iron because I'd shanked my tee shot a solid 200 yards in the wrong damn direction.

Close, I feel ya, brotha...

I hit ONE good shot with the 3-iron all day -- I could feel it and hear it -- crushed the holy bejesus out of the little round white dimply motherfucker, & I know it cleared the tree I was standing under, which meant it had to be on a crash course for the unattainable green. But because I was concentrating so hard on keeping my head down I never saw where the little round white dimply motherfucker went, and we never found it -- think it carried over the back of the green (again, much like my golden tee game), and the beer cart chick showed up again before we found it, so the search was abandoned. Chris, if you'd take golf advice from a rank novice, it's this: Give up early and often, drink steadily but not so much that you fall from the cart, and leave the 3-iron in the bag. Or the car.

Won't be at the Malt Shop this weekend... nor next. Perhaps the weekend of Aug. 21 or 28, need to get some things squared away around the house but will do my best to let everyone know well in advance whether I'm drifting through or not.

That Last Sentence Was a Winner...

...I could use several malty beverages. Snyder, are you coming to town? In any case, we should definitely waste dollars and bruise hands on the Golden Tee 2045 machine.

More importantly...

OK, I concede that there is a credibility gap in the minds of millions of people. I'm just saying that those people are as wrong about Bush as they were about Clinton. And Close made his point in quadruplicate, presumably to push something off of the page...

But. If you look at what the president said before the war, he specifically didn't say iminent threat. That's what all the Democrats said after no WMD showed up. You might recall the whole point of the war was that it was preemptive. That means before the threat is iminent. And it wasn't just us who said he had weapons. Everyone thought he did.

The bottom line is that we know he had 'em cause we gave them to him. So in order for him to not have them anymore, what must have happened? He must have destroyed them secretly, so that he could maintain the sanctions and have to live off of the Oil for Food corruption. This makes no sense at all. All he would have had to do was bring the stuff out, destroy it in front of the UN, and he'd be free and clear to do business with all the French and German and Russian companies without having to pay off the UN.

The administration did (in their usual charming understated way) point out that there were a bunch of UN Resolutions, including the last one, 1441, which pretty explicitly authorized the use of force, even though we could argue that he'd broken the cease fire agreement or whatever it was from the first Gulf War, and that we had everything we needed to resume hostilities.

But now to actually address the title of this post. Are we gonna apply our blog's name this weekend or what?

Wow...

...chris is making his good points in triplicate!

So very congressional of you, Mr. Close.

Credibility Gap...

Even the most hard-core apologist must recognize that the Bush Administration suffers mightily from a credibility gap. It is one of the reasons that an incumbent Republican president is in a dead heat in the polls with a shitty Democratic candidate.

The gap is founded largely on the perception by Americans that the president took us into a war of choice on a bad foundation. After all, the imminent threat posed by WMD was the single overarching reason our president gave to the nation for going to war. And when that premise was not been borne out by discoveries of thousands of gallons/shells/barrels/etc. of WMDs, the president and his subordinates lost credibility in the eyes of millions of Americans, not to mention many people around the world. Now, as a Republican-leaning independent, I pray every day that we turn up those thousands of gallons. But until we do, I lament that millions of my fellow citizens don't believe the president tells the truth -- because we haven't found what we claimed existed, especially when we claimed we knew where WMDs were. See Rumsfeld's quote below.

The administration's history over the last couple of years is littered with hyberbolic, often poorly founded statements which have come back to haunt it. Here are just a few among hundreds.

March 30, 2003, DoD press conference -- "We know where the WMDs are". Well, we haven't found the thousands of gallons of botulinum, anthrax, mustard, sarin, VX, or almost anything else, outside of a single old shell with sarin in it -- which is significant, but doesn't rise to the level of the thousands of gallons we talked about.

Or, how about May 9, 2003 -- "And within the last week or two, they have in fact captured and have in custody two of the mobile trailers that Secretary Powell talked about at the United Nations as being biological weapons laboratories. We have people who are telling that they worked in these vehicles. And they look at panels and say, "That was my work station in that panel, and that's what it's for." Rumsfeld talking to George Stepanopholous on This Week. Only, guess what, the Defense Intelligence Agency concluded those trailers were used not for bioweapons, but for hydrogen production for artillery weather balloons.

Or, how about September 2002, in front of Congress, with the certainty that this was self-evident-- "His regime has amassed large clandestine stockpiles of chemical weapons, including VX and sarin and mustard gas." Then later that same day, "He has stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons" Again, where are they? This statement also ignored a Defense Intelligence Agency report that stated, "There is no reliable information on whether Iraq is producing and stockpiling chemical weapons or where Iraq has -- or will -- establish its chemical warfare agent production facilities". It also ignored other deep divisions within the intel community on this point.

I could go on and on and on. One can dig up hundreds, if not thousands, of these ill-founded statements with very little effort. The bottom line is, members of the administration, at the highest level, littered the ground before the war with statements of certainty about the state of the Iraqi WMD threat that in many cases weren't true, or at the very least were up for serious, divided debate within the intel community. And it was on the basis of those statements of certainty that a nation went to war and almost 1000 soldiers, sailors, airmen/women, and Marines have died. And when a nation of citizens realizes that their sons/daughters/husbands/wives/etc. died for something that may not have been right, it causes a credibility gap.

FYI, I favored the war, I still favor the war -- but I think the Bush administration screwed up -- it had much stronger, well-founded reasons for going to war -- 14 plus straight UN resolutions ignored by the Iraqi dictator. It could have made the case that for the sake of proving the strength of the UN -- created after all, by FDR -- and for the purpose of demonstrating to future Saddams that the world would not sit idly by while a penny-ante dictator ignored its mandates for over a decade -- that the US should lead a coalition into war. But the Bushies chose not to make that argument -- and instead opted for one that to this point, has turned out to be wrong.

A lot of good points

Ok, I clearly missed out on a record day for Malt Shop Logic, so let me catch up. To some extent, everyone is right here.

Brian is correct to say that the Administration deserves the credibility gap, but not because there is a credibility gap. That, quite frankly, is a creation of the Bush-haters and media who can't take the time to accurately report what the Administration says. The Administration deserves it because they don't fight back, or if they try to do so, they do so poorly. They caved on 16 words - and they were right! They have good arguments, they just don't make them enough.

Which brings us back to the PR/communications problem. Frankly the communications problem is Administration-wide, and holds them back more than anything else. They don't communicate well with the Hill, they don't communicate well with the press, and they clearly have no plan about anything PR-wise. Say what you want about Bill Clinton, but when he wanted to make a point, he went out and did it day after day. This Administration doesn't do that and it's killing them.

Call me an apologist, but...

First, I did get your point, MrSnyder, which was why I said "Fortunately, and unfortunately." Admittedly it was a bit buried.

I frankly think this whole credibility gap is way overblown. What is this gap supposed to be? Apparently everyone forgot that everyone thought Saddam had WMD. I've yet to hear a plausible explanation about what happened to the WMD that he was positively known to have. Not finding WMD simply means that we haven't found WMD. It doesn't prove a negative. The Brits and others have subsequently confirmed those sixteen words.

All of the hubub about the terror alerts has been focused on the supposed age of the surveillance. However, we've since heard that some of the info was as fresh as last January. Put this together with the fact that we just apprehended a Pakistani coming across the Mexican border, the Pakistanis have captured several Al Qaeda operatives, and I think it's possible to connect some of our own dots. People want better intelligence, but we have to remember that most of that stuff will never see the light of day.

The administration has also been criticized (not in this forum) for creating a "culture of fear" (by the same folks and newspapers who whine about a credibility gap). That's BS. If anyone, it's the terrorists who are doing this. So to counter this, Ridge comes out and talks about things that have been done, because you never really hear about the successes. Who knows what we prevented by arresting the Lakawana six?

So you (Brian) complain on one side, and MrSnyder complains about the opposite. I tend to agree with MrSnyder, that there hasn't been enough communicating from the White House. Of course, I think they're handicapped, because except for the few weeks after 9/11, most of the media is more interested in playing gotcha journalism than reporting on what's happening.

Here's the thing...

...I don't disagree that the administration should have warned the American people of a potential threat.

And I don't disagree that the administration should, for a lot of reasons, political and other, talk about the work the administration has done to secure the nation.

But it shouldn't do both at the same time, because the two just don't mix.

On occasions when the administration does have the ability to act in a way that demonstrates that it is not interested in making political hay out of terror, it ought to. And that's where I think Bush's people failed him. It's no coincidence that newspapers around the country have picked up the credibility gap story in the last 48 hours, and it's largely because the administration deserved it.

Matt --

-- think you missed the point. Agreed that this admin's single focus is on getting the job done -- to the detriment of spin and reputation. And that would be a good thing IF it could happen in a vacuum, without affecting ability to get the job done.

But nothing happens in a vacuum. And the problem faced by the current administration is that lines of communication are so broken down, and credibility is taking such a beating, that it's becoming pretty difficult for them to get the job done. Something like Iraq, done right, is going to take trust and understanding. Seems to me we're doing a great job over there of putting a halt to the past patterns of violence, and bringing benefit to the people of Iraq. But we're doing, at best, a mixed job of building that trust and understanding with would-be partners, and that's going to hurt us and risk, sorry, _cost_ more American lives in the long run.

In my line of work, the most important communication isn't with external audiences -- it's with internals and partners -- when I know the details of what they're doing and they trust me to get it right, we can persuade externals a whole lot more effectively.

A moment of weakness...

Brian, I think you're watching too much CNN or something. Or maybe you should be posting with the other Left Wing Nuts and be out there screaming with Howard Dean. Chris hit the nail on the head. If ever a president had any shred of tangential evidence (remember that CIA daily briefing from August 2001?) about an attack, and didn't do anything/everything to stop an attack, he'd be skewered. OK, so we don't have great timing data (at least not open source) and the info is kinda old. We know that Al Qaeda likes to take their time and plan, so just because they did their reconnaisance a while ago, doesn't mean it's not still in the works.

Also, in an age of 9/11 Commissions, how can you expect an administration to not try to tell everyone the good side of things? Like how they're working to prevent these attacks, etc. I'm sure if they didn't do this, that MrSnyder would be telling us how the Bush Administration isn't getting their accomplishments out there. Fortunately, and unfortunately, we have an administration that's more concerned about getting the job done, and doing it right, than about spinning the stories. I guess that's why we had many attacks on Americans in the 90s with practically no response.

Also, DDHS is a political appointee. The president is a politician, and the job will always be political. Not to mention that he's in the middle of a reelection campaign.

A word about 'bounce'

Considering that it was clear even as the convention was underway that there wasn't going to be much of a 'bounce' for jk... And given post-convention evidence that seems to show Kerry's going to be the first candidate since the early 70s to get NO bounce -- I think it's a bit glib to say that anything the current administration is doing was in any way connected. I just don't see the evidence.

That said, this campaign more than other seems to be bent on demonstrating how little the months before November really mean in the age of horse-race politics, stratification, segmentation and swing voters.

Meanwhile, given that this administration's single biggest problem seems not to be an issue of domestic policy, or international relations but simply PR -- they're doing what they think are good things but are incapable of clearly expressing the "why" and "how" it's going to benefit Americans and the world -- I think they'd better be paying damned close attention to stuff like this if they want to hold office.

If they lose, little nutshell, I don't really think it's about Iraq or gays or any other damn thing (though you'll surely hear about all the above). It's about the fact that they can't/won't/don't put mechanims in place to facilitate two-way communication with the people on the front lines of any given issue at hand (which means they don't really understand their allies or opponents clearly); and the fact that they don't communicate in any productive fashion with a whole lot of other people regardless of whether they understand them or not. Even when they do something positive -- something for which most administrations would successfully take credit, like nabbing Saddam -- they seem to manage to botch the good news. Sure, you could say it's the 'liberal media all too eager to pounce blah blah blah,' but if I was a right-leaning Republican president I think I'd be aware of that, make allowance for it and go out of my way to surround myself with people that knew what the hell they're doing with regard to benefit demonstration, two-way communication, resonance & dissonance etc. etc.

Don't Disagree, but...

I don't disagree with Close's point that it's impossible to win in the situation of "Warn, don't warn?" I for one would choose "Warn" every time, for the reasons Chris articulated.

But, What bothers me is the entire second half of Ridge's statement. Had he concluded his prepared remarks at the end of the first half of his statement, it wouldn't have raised my hackles. But in my opinion, the entire second half of the statement was clearly written by campaign strategists whose primary concern is getting Bush re-elected. They seized upon this opportunity to highlight what they see as Bush's leadership of the war on terror. That inability to restrain from campaigning in the most serious of situations is what throws the spotlight of suspicion on things for me. When one pairs a terror warning with a campaign speech, it throws everything into suspicion.

Now, having said that, if the NewsDay report that's come out in the last couple of hours proves true -- that an Al Qaeda operative has confessed to British intelligence that an attack was planned for early September -- well, that would answer both of the original questions I posed in the negative, and my trust in the presidency would go up a few notches.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

In re: politicized terror warnings

In the age of terrorism, any White House who issues terror warnings is between a rock and a hard place. Issue a warning - even a very specific one - and nothing happens, cynics cry politics. Don't issue the warning, something happens and people find out you had info, even old info, and you'll be run out of town. Issue the warning and something happens, you're still screwed.

Terror threats are a fact of life, and it is better to be aware of the problem than to believe it isn't as real as it is and that international alliances will fix it.

Playing Politics with Terror?

I dont' want to think this. Don't want to harbor a suspicion even for a moment. It seems an awful indictment of any presidential administration, and a terrible thing to think about other human beings. But I can't help it...maybe it's no WMD; maybe it's the regularly shifting explanations about why we went to war. Whatever it is, I can't help but ask, "Did the Bush Administration unnecessarily scare the bejesus out of the populations of DC and New York? Did they use fear as a political weapon to take the 'bounce' out of the post-convention news coverage?"

I watched almost the entirety of the Ridge announcement Sunday. What disturbed me then, and continues to disturb me now, is how much of his announcement seemed a campaign speech. If one reviews the transcript, roughly half of Ridge's prepared text is given over to the announcement about the "new" evidence and the raised terror level. The second half is dominated by rah-rah statements about everything the Bush administration has done since 9/11 to make the country safer. Particularly, Ridge makes the point that "...we must understand that the kind of information available to us today is the result of the president's leadership in the war against terror."

Now, I don't dispute the accuracy of the statement. Certainly we have made great strides in the demolition of Al-Qaeda and other organizations in the wake of 9/11. Nor do I dispute the surrounding statements, about "added security measures...from curb to the cockpit" or "Thousands of radiological pagers have been given to law enforcement around the country and more are on the way" or "...along with smart security professionals, these technologies help bring the national Democratic Convention to a safe conclusion"

But, these kinds of statements, in the way they are obviously framed and organized to resonate as a point to make against John Kerry, have no place alongside the sobering announcement that we have discovered "new" evidence of Al-Qaeda plotting. From an "appearance" perspective, and politics and leadership is sometimes all about appearances, rah-rah campaign crap has no place alongside a warning of new terror attacks.

I can't help think...it's all so unseemly, so slick, so calculating -- so, so, POLITICAL.

And then this morning, fresh off the pages of multiple newspapers around the country -- most of this "new" evidence is more than 3 years old? There's little if any evidence that these buildings were surveilled after 9/11? There's no real indication of imminent or near-term attack?

So why did we scare people who work at those buildings? As many of you know, my girlfriend works directly across the street from the World Bank and IMF buildings. She didn't want to go to work yesterday, and neither did most of her colleagues. They're all scared. And they'll stay scared. They'll walk to work from the Metro thinking, "Is today the day the truck bomb will go off while I'm turning the corner at 18th and Penn?" And why? Because we have 3 year old evidence that indicates nothing of a potential near-term attack?

Or is it really, because Bush, or more likely the people surrounding him, are afraid of losing, wanted to score some political points about "leadership in the war on terror," and allowed that desire to do that overwhelm good sense and concern for the republic?

I must say, I think more and more that this administration has lost its way.

Most Likely For Chapin

There is no doubt that DOOM 3’s minimum system specifications can easily deliver a good gaming experience. We found it simply incredible that a system this old could run DOOM 3 at all, much less run it well. It may be hard to believe, but we can honestly recommend spending $50 on DOOM 3 if you have a system comparable to this. You can still have a very worthy DOOM 3 experience with it.

I know some of you are thinking that it would be tough to call gaming at 640x480 a good gaming experience, but the environments in DOOM 3 are very forgiving in terms of resolution as discussed in our IQ section. Do we suggest you use a higher resolution to place yourself in an even more immersive environment? Without a doubt, but it is hardly a requirement to really feel a part of the DOOM 3 story.

Read the entire lowdown on how freaking awesome DOOM 3 will look here. I haven't bought a video game in years. It might be time...

Coalition-Building

Anonymous Lt Col from our European Command (EUCOM) on building a coalition to fight in Iraq: "Things are looking up for us here. In fact, Papua-New Guinea is thinking of offering two platoons: one of Infantry (headhunters) and one of engineers (hut builders). They want to eat any Iraqis they kill. We've got no issues with that, but State is being anal about it."

Most Anticipated Videogame for $800

The answer is:

DOOM 3

And the quesion: What probably won't run on the computer I currently own?

Minimum Specs

• A 1.5-gigahertz Intel Pentium 4 chip or AMD Athlon 1500.
  
• 384 megabytes of memory.
  
• Two gigabytes of hard drive space.
  
• An nVidia GeForce 3 graphics card or better; or an ATI Technologies 8500 or better.
  

Vacation, put a different way

Fuck Carlos Zambrano and fuck the St. Louis Cardinals. Fuck Albert Poo-pooholes and Jim Edmonds.

Also, by the time all is said and done, fuck the San Francisco Giants (or maybe the Cincinnati Reds) also.

While I'm at it, fuck Wendell Kim.

 

I'll take Most Anticipated Video Games for $1000...

Answer: What is August 3, Alex...

Question: When will DOOM3 be released?

Awww, yeah..................

Vacation

There are many reasons why I am happy to be going on vacation to Colorado at the end of this week, but I have to add a new one - ten days without reading about, watching, or listening to the Cubs.

The bottome line is that this team has no composure (see Zambrano, Carlos last night and Hawkins, LaTroy today) and its aging right fielder and left fielder are killing the team right now. Expectations carry a heavy burden and Cubs fans are seeing that now. It's not the injuries - the team has become positively unhinged.

I hope they make a run for the wild card because the pitching has been as good as advertised. But right now, I don't think they got what it takes.

New Keiper Article

Believe it or not, it's about NASA.

Bush's NASA Revolution.

Funniest Norman Chad quote that resembles me...

Q. Does Rolling Rock go best with pasta, beef or fish? (Tim Entenok; Cleveland)
A. I'm no James Beard, but I just had a couple of Rolling Rocks with half a bag of Chips Ahoy.

Poker Tournament Review Part Three

Also known as "Improvements to Make". Here were some things suggested to me and thought of by me:

1. A bigger buy-in. Now that we've seen this work, I'm good with raising the buy-in for the next tourney.
2. Blinds that do not rise as fast. I'm not sure what I think of this. I thought the blinds were effective in forcing people to act. We can consider this, but I'd lean against it for right now.
3. Moving people during the tournament. I'm all for this right now as a) based on our experience, it shouldn't be that disruptive and b) I would have made the final table I think if my table wasn't stuck at 5 and 6 players for so long.
4. Bring your own chair - a friend forwarded me an invite for another no limit tournament. This guy's idea was pretty good - first 8 people to RSVP are guaranteed a chair. After that, it's bring your own chair.

Poker Tournament Review Part Two

Also known as "My Final Hand."

By the time this hand came around, my stack of $320 at the second break (the highest at my table and probably at the tournament - basically 1/6 of the total) had been whittled down to $160, probably lowest to second lowest at the table. Blinds were $15-$25. We had five players at the table, I was sitting in fourth position, two players to the left of the big blind. First to act folds, and I look at my cards:

A-10o. The best hand I've seen in about 45 minutes.

I come in for a $25 raise, meaning the total bet is now $50 to call. Next two players fold, the big blind calls me.

Flop is a bunch of rags (3-5-9 rainbow or thereabouts), but the big blind bets $25. I go all in, get called and the big blind flips over:

8-5o.

I fail to catch my cards and am eliminated. I still think I played it pretty well, but here's what I could have done better:

1. My initial raise was correct, but I should have raised at least two times the blind, and in reality probably gone all in there. The big blind had been on a rush and maybe thought it was worth $25 to see the flop, but I don't think he would have thought it worth $50 to $110 to see the flop.
2. Should have folded when the big blind bet out after the flop. Clearly he had something. I didn't realize how bad it would be. This was part tilt on my part (I had at least three players all-in earlier who kept catching cards and the game was dragging), but also the effect of committing one-third of my chips to the pot already. With the blinds at $15-$25, I would have been down to $70 in chips in three hands and the hands were coming around quick.

Still, the big blind should never have called my pre-flop raise. That was the worst play I saw all night (followed closely by the 6-8o in the limit game that called my multiple raises with Q-Q and hit a 5-7-9 flush). At least I won money in the limit game.

Poker Tournament Review Part One

Josh, this one's for you. You should come to the next one.

Our first No Limit Texas Hold'em Poker Tournament started Saturday night with 19 players putting in $25 a piece for a $475 prize pool. Matt walked away with $200 for winning the tournament. Brian finished 12th or 13th and I finished 9th, one seat away from the final table (to be covered in the next post).

Things went exceedingly smooth. People showed up on time, there were many all-ins, even early. The only time things slowed down was trying to get my table down to the final four and that really was only prolonged by a series of all-in players catching a bunch of cards on the river. Fuckers.

Definitely something we're going to do again - with some improvements.

And I figured out where the extra $5 came from, Matt - we bought $90 worth of beer, soda, and food based on 18 people @ $5 entry fee. But we had 19 players for $95 in entry fees. Brian got his $90 back and the $5 was left over. We were going to put any leftover entry fees to the winner, so it ended up where it belonged.

Stupid Linking Tool not working...

...so here is the link. Kid ate mushrooms in Delaware, ended up in Connecticut.

http://www.delawareonline.com/newsjournal/local/2004/07/11stoneddelstuden.html

A Cautionary Tale...

Click here to read about the perils of consuming mushrooms. Joe, this is aimed at you.

ESPN's Coverage of WSOP

So I'm watching one of the first two episodes of ESPN's coverage of the 2004 World Series of Poker. They're covering the Seven Card Stud Championship. Let me just say this - TV (particularly World Poker Tour and ESPNS's 2003 WSOP coverage) has helped create the poker craze in the country, and ESPN appears determined to end the poker craze by showing crap like the Seven Card Stud Championship. Too much to follow on the screen.

Memo to ESPN - stick to the big event.

Lactose Intolerance and the Zest

"[He is] lactose intolerant -- which mainly manifests itself in a certain foul flatulence after he drinks milk or anything else with lactose in it."

If anyone would listen when I explain the Zest, you would have known that years ago. I'm all kinds of lactose intolerant. Well, I'm tolerant, it's the fickle noses of my compatriats that aren't.

Oh, Josh...

The hold 'em tourney isn't till this coming weekend, so no one won yet.

In other news, my brother flew into town last night for three days before...moving to Munich for 6 months to a year for work. This has all transpired rather quickly. He found out two weeks ago and has had to get a visa, sell his car, etc. Coming off projects like trash cans and potato chip containers, his first project for the German arm of IDEO will be...an odorless toilet. Nice.


You best believe I have already scheduled a week off in November to visit him. Munich has 180 beer gardens, FYI.


As an aside to Snyder, who having read that is already thinking, "So Shits Chapin is going to beerland," here's an interesting fact -- Giardia -- the parasite that laid my brother low in Iceland -- causes a long-term residual side effect that we might refer to as "Geller Syndrome" long after its worst impacts have been mitigated. It can last for several years. So now my brother is, you guessed it, lactose intolerant -- which mainly manifests itself in a certain foul flatulence after he drinks milk or anything else with lactose in it.

Yes, I remain the King of Useless Trivia.........

Two Items

1. Who won? And what was the final pot?

2. The following image is more for Lewis than anyone else. But I saw this license plate while getting groceries this evening:

Interesting AU site and former AU basketball player killed

I stumbled across this when looking for an article about the killing of former AU basketball player Jarion Childs. Took me a while to remember who he was, but I think I remember him.

Check out the first site though - somewhat interesting, but probably something we would have set up if we had the ability to do that back in the mid-1990s.

Vandals. Be there.

They released a new record today..."Hollywood Potato Chip" I may have to make a trip to Virginia Beach on August 3rd...

Malt Shop Antidote

This is very good news for people with a taste for old Diesel.

Berf.

Beer. Fishing. Sunburn. Beer.

Damn I don't so much mind this use-it-or-lose-it vacation policy.

And frankly, Josh...

...given your ridiculous luck on display during your last few weeks as a Washingtonian, it's almost a lock that you'll win the tournament. So you better fly out here. Loser.

In other news, Alaska is still cold.

Tournament Invite

Josh, you are hereby invited to the poker tournament. July 10 at Brian's apartment complex. Start planning. If you win, you may be able to cover the cost of the weekend.

What Men Are Thinking

This is safe for work downloading. It's a commercial for a show on FX. Brilliant.

Tournaments

I don't like that the tournament may actually happen now that I'm gone. Bastards.

Tournament Names

I like the Ronald Reagan Memorial Tournament idea. We're definitely using those buttons.

One of my ideas for a tournament name was to take the name of a minor league baseball championship trophy and use that for the title as a play on the World Series of Poker. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any minor league championship trophy names. Because the Eastern League of Poker championship doesn't sound that interesting, I had to leave the name blank.

Ronald Reagan Memorial Poker Tournament

This is what I think we should call our tournament. Take a look at this, and you can see why. In the spirit of last week (All Reagan All The Time), I got three chips (red, white and blue) that should be perfect to use as buttons at the tables. Plus I got an extra 400 chips (100ea of white, red, blue and black) and beautiful leather carrying cases.

And just to remind everyone why I'm Assistant Commissioner for Rules and Enforcement, take a look at this and this (pictures from the recent Kim Studio American Eagle Classic Tournament, where Gov Wise of WV participated as a competitor--that's him on the left, and I'm at the right).

Oh, Spade, why do you put Farley in charge of the bees?

Bees!

This article is about the word that shall never be spoken...

They don't use the word in the article, but it is interesting to learn that the president of the University of Colorado thinks it is a term of endearment at times. Not in my experience.

From Josh's other blog

"The beach is littered with small crystals of pyrite. I hadn't seen this much glitter since the last time the sororities on campus were preparing for a formal."

This was my first thought when I read this:

(cue Ed McMahon voice) Hey-o!

Skewer

Simpsons References

Chris, this should serve as inspiration for putting more Simpsons references in the press releases you write.

Got 15 minutes?

A thought-provoking read to be had here:



Son of a bitch I can't get the freaking link tool to work.

Cut-and-paste, sorry.

http://www.policyreview.org/AUG02/harris.html

Alaska

I want a bear carcass.

I CAN SEE IT!!!

I can see it just fine. FYI, this is LAST CALL (ok, and FIRST CALL) for any requests from Alaska. I leave Thursday afternoon and will be in the great white north for 10 days. I'll spend my days hiking near Mt. McKinley, wading in glacial rivers, fishing for King Salmon, and occasionally challenging moose and grizzly bears to fights -- if you've seen Wild Boys on MTV, you know I'm talking about. Available souvenirs include scrimshaw, soapstone, totem poles, moose poop (yes, they actually sell canned moose poop) and bear's teeth....though the last will only be available if I succeed in knocking out a bear.

RE: RE: RE: Best. Use of Porsche. Ever.

Ah. It looks like that domain is blocked by the corporate firewall junk. Besides, looking at the source, you're missing the end img tag...Have to look when I get home...

RE: RE: Best. Use of Porsche. Ever.

Are you not seeing the image of the Porsche doubling as a garage ice holder?

RE: Best. Use of a Porsche. Ever.

Seriously, are you going to post the link? In the mean time, here's a little Haiku to tide us over:

I have Soju in
My house. Eight dollars duty
Free. Next drink's on me.

Best. Use of a Porsche. Ever.

RE: Whaaaaaat?

Cause I'm still in the process of reformating that computer. I started to kill the site and realized I hadn't pulled off my MP3 collection from it. So, the site is fairly broken until I bother to make a proper backup of the crap I really want.

Trust me, it will soon leave. The domain name expires in a month. It ain't gettin' renewed.

Whaaaaaat?

Mr. Zesty, please explain why this is still active:

www.joshandsonya.com

This post serves one purpose...

...to get Brian's rantings about Puerto Ricans off the top of the page.

Puerto Ricans in the Park...

I'm trying to resist the evil urge to respond to that article with awful jokes of the crudest kind.

I failed.

1. There are no statues of Puerto Ricans because its pedestal would be covered in astroturf and the surrounding lawn would be maintained by chaining a goat to the statue.

2. There are no statues of Puerto Ricans because some small, innocent child would walk up to it and ask, "Mommy, who's that Mexican?" Whereupon the statue would jump from its pedestal and deliver a severe pummeling, while screaming, "I ain't no filthy Mexican. I'm Puertorriqueno, BIATCH!"

The New York Times...

...is a poor excuse for birdcage lining, but I read it because of its importance in my profession. I'm convinced that nearly 3/4 of their headlines could be improved by adding ", duh." at the end.

But this one is breathtaking just the way it is.

The New York Times...

...is a poor excuse for birdcage lining, but I read it because of its importance in my profession (money-grubbing). I'm convinced that nearly 3/4 of their headlines could be improved by adding ", duh." at the end.

This one is breathtaking just the way it is:

Going to have to cut-and-paste, b/c I'm too lazy to learn to use this thing's link-posty features:

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/01/nyregion/01wide.html

SPAM Haiku

Using only Spam,
Grandma made some tasty treats.
We set her on fire.

Ahhh, just like the salad days

Nursing beers at the moment, am going to call "I'm Smart" to cart me home when I'm done taking all these vitally important phone calls... reminds me of Chris' old cap hill office.

There's a saying along the lines of "the more people I meet, the more I like my dog," and while this is true I think it doesn't go quite far enough these days. Instead, I think I'm going to have bumper stickers, t-shirts, branding irons etc. that say:

"Hey asshole, how's that working out for you?"

Oh, and if you're looking for something to read, yesterday's op-ed in the WSJ on the real story of Fallujah pretty much sums up a set of ideas I've been kicking around for a while. Not quite as well as I could have done it, but then again I'm not some Atlantic Monthly cocksucker who's got ins with the WSJ editorial board.

Wonder how that's working out for him?

Have a good weekend all...

Ssshhhh.... listen...

Be verrrry, very quiet and listen closely.

Hear that sound?

That wet, slurpy, sort of chewing sound?

That's the sound of Western culture eating itself.

Superstars for a new generation

So I've been sucked into watching the Real World-Road Rules Challenge - both "The Gauntlet" and "The Inferno." There's a lot of blame to go around on this, but I mostly blame espn.com page two writer Bill Simmons who wrote about how one person survived the "Gauntlet" an unnatural amount of times. I started watching the reruns and I was hooked - kind of like the Puck getting kicked out of the San Fran Real World house.

I tried not to watch this crap, but damn it's entertaining. Watching aging celebrity wannabes compete in a Fear Factor/Survivor contest as they argue endlessly with each other is just good TV.

And then it hit me - it's just Superstars updated for the first decade of the millenium. Superstars (I think) was aging athletes competing in contrived athletic contests to hang onto their fading celebrity. These stupid Challenges are just like that.

World Series of Poker

The World Series of Poker has kicked off this year with 2,576 players - including people like Tobey Maguire and Ben Affleck. Yikes. That's some dead money.

But at least we know what we'll be watching on TV this summer - ESPN is planning on 22 hours of coverage this year! This will account for roughly 47% of their programming time for the coming year after they re-play every episode hundreds of time. I'll still watch.

Who can pass up on another Norman Chad failed marriage joke?

Answers from the man in Korea

1. Have you tried the soju yet?
No, although I really wish I had. Unfortunately, there haven't been a lot of opportunities for recreation this trip...it's been pretty much all work--even over the weekend. However, I was able to get my hands on a temporary ration card, so I did get me some cheap liquor to take back to the hotel (which is the Ritz-Carlton, where the silverware is really silver).

2. Have you seen any chubby dogs?
No, although I did see a street vendor selling a cage full of puppies. [Insert joke here.]

3. Have you bought any factory knokoffs?
Not this trip, although I did get Maddie some new silk pajamas.

4. Do the streets still smell like open sewers?
Not in Seoul, at least, not in the 'trendy' part of town, where I'm staying. However, there is an open sewer that runs through Yongsan Garrison...

And now for some random observations on Korea:

...many military people stationed here refer to Korea as the Land of Almost Right or Land of Not-Quite-Right...they are Absolutely-right...

...it seems that the trendy thing for twenty-something men is to carry purses...

...Korean steaks are cut too thin...but their subway is much cooler than the DC Metro. A ride costs about $0.60 (700 won), and they have tv's and stuff in the stations and on many of the trains...

...when you go to Itaewon, every 15 feet or so, some Korean guy accosts you and asks if you want a custom suit, or cashmere jacket...then he grumbles/curses to himself in Korean after you say no, thank you...it's kind of funny, and I really wish I knew what they were saying...

...the bell-boys here are funny...over this last weekend, lot's of American military have been checking in (referred here by the hotel on base, just like I was), and the bell-boys have started saluting me...

Questions for the Man in Korea...

1. Have you tried the soju yet?
2. Have you seen any chubby dogs?
3. Have you bought any factory knokoffs?
4. Do the streets still smell like open sewers?

Chappy

Word.

And thank you for the warm, t'nae-filled welcome.

And yes, indeed, there goes the neighborhood.

News from the northland: They say lightning only strikes once. Well, someone needs to tell my house (and one of my TVs and I'm pretty sure my home PC and related peripherals) that.

~sparky

FetusMart?

Ok, I find the whole fetus thing just a tad disturbing. I've seen some interesting (and sick) things on the web, but I think this takes the cake for just pure weirdness.

RE:God Bless the Internet

They sell shit like that on the street here in Korea. This place is whacked...

One more O.B. please.
Then let's go to the juicy
Bar. Juicy, juicy!


PS O.B. (Oriental Brewery) is the Bud Diesel of Korea

God Bless the Internet

I adopted a lil' baby jebus fetus from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

There Goes the Neighborhood - A Haiku

My drinking was fine.
Then fucking Snyder shows up.
Who let the Gar in?

SWEEEETTT!

Matt Snyder, joining Malt Shop Logic! I am moved to haiku...

T'Nae, pitcher queen
Six pitchers but charged for two
Pour more Bud Diesel!

Logically, a new Malt Shop Logic member

Yep, we'll soon be joined by one Matt Snyder here on Malt Shop Logic.

And as a gift for him, I will post some information that I don't think I have shared with him:

the last time Chapin, Lewis and I went to Ye Olde Malt Shoppe, the bartender was not Caleb - it was T'Nae.

Discuss.

Re: Question

No doubt. The bigger question is, "How do so many crappy people get to be in positions of responsibility and authority?"

RE: Question...

You do ask how you can work for so many crappy bosses before your 30th birthday.

Question...

...let's say you negotiate a raise. Ever since, nothing you do is right. The latest: April 16, you submit a request to the finance folks to give you a # to attach to an invoice for the contract you're managing. Due to a transition in IT systems, it takes them until May 14th -- Friday -- to get you the #. Boss is aware -- he is the one who e-mailed you the # after it was sent to him. He's also aware that you're onsite full-time working for the client. The boss e-mails you this morning and says he's confused as to why it's taking YOU so long to get the invoice out. You think, hmmm, I just got the # on Friday, it's only Monday morning, it's not really "so long". When, after using all the restraint in the world, you simply reply that you'll get it to him today, he picks at you again. Still, you do not rise to the bait. You simply respond that you were very busy supporting the client on Friday (which was true, you were actually working directly for a brigadier general, and though everyone else left at 3, you left at 5), and that you will get your boss the invoice today. Response? Petulant silence. No response. None.

...let's also say you still have a job offer to make more $$, for a better organization, and specifically for a man you respect, admire, and get along really well with -- and you really don't have any of those feelings for your current boss -- who only got to where he is by blackmailing the partner who used to run your practice -- before he was fired -- blackmail didn't work so well. Oh, and the guy you would go to work for has a far stronger relationship with the client than your current boss -- whom the client loathes openly to the point of rolling her eyes and sneering whenever his name is mentioned.

What do you do?

Gambling Site

Josh - it's a site called www.freearcade.com - in addition to craps and blackjack, it has things like video poker, baccarat, and carribean stud poker. I don't play the last three too much. Anyway, it's a good way to test some betting styles.

Be wary of the other games on there - they are certified time wasters.

Well, I'm an Idiot

So, I misread "Chris" as "Chapin". I admit, I'm a moron.

And Chapin? Click the link next time. But, if you're not willing to do that, here it is: Nine Systems, Inc.

Margaritas = good.

Close? What's the site you're gambling on?

Gambling

So, I'm headed to Vegas this fall, and I am already trying to prepare so that I can maximize my gambling, maximize my chance of bringing home money, and minimize my chance of not being allowed back in the house.

I found a free website where you can play some casino games. It seems pretty legit in the way it all plays out. Hopefully I can take the lesson learned here and stay away from the blackjack table.

My results are below.

Craps Results

I was skeptical of this free web site until I played Blackjack. So, I'm pretty sure this is for real. And it makes me happy.

Over 100 games of craps, I won 45 times and lost 55 times, but my average win was $70.13 and my average loss was $45.58, meaning I was up $484 at the end. That would have been even better except for the only sort of uncharacteristic stretch of the entire 100 games when I lost 9 games in a row.

I played a pretty basic betting system, playing the pass line and taking odds and playing the numbers that were not the point, never putting more than $27 out there at a time (assuming a $5 min table).

The lesson is - craps is the game.

Blackjack Results

This is the game by which I knew the free web site I found for some casino games was accurate. Why? Because I typically got routed by the Dealer, which is exactly my experience from real casinos.

Over 100 games, I won money 32 times and lost money 68 times. I played basic strategy (or as best as I could remember), with a betting pattern resembling $5, $5, $7, $7, $7, $10. I only went up when I won. If I lost a hand I reverted back to $5.

My average win was $46.14 and my average loss was $21.81. I lost a total of $6.50.

I was fairly pleased with my average loss - the key to not losing $1500 in Vegas (unless you want to impress a girl) is to know when to get up from a cold table. My average win was inflated by the times the table got hot - I had 4 instances where I won over $100.

The lesson for me - play Blackjack sparingly. There's no way I can play 100 games in Vegas, so if I play a lot, I have to count on hitting one of those $100-plus games. In my trips to casinos, that's only happened once.

Friends update

Yep, the finale stunk.

Bill Simmons on espn.com page two has a good takedown of the series in general.

Outstanding...

...Close should feel doubly proud -- not only was his analysis seconded by Cheshire, but it had to go through the extra wringer of passing the "I Hate Agreeing with Chapin" test. Josh, apparently you've been drinking too many margaritas at an oceanside bar. Nice going, CHIEF!

And Josh, who is this mysterious "vendor" you work for? Do they have a name?

Minorer Quibble

Josh, I mostly agree with your analysis, except that it wasn't Chapin's analysis. Also, Seinfeld doesn't bore me, it really annoys me, and makes my high blood pressure even worse.

Here's a synopsis of 95% of the episodes: There's a misunderstanding among the characters because of something simple or stupid, and most of the episode is spent [by the audience] wishing they had a hammer to hit themselves over their heads.

Minor Quibble

Chapin, as hard as it is for me to accept, I'm going to have to agree with your analysis of "Friends". With one exception: Seinfeld wasn't that good, either.

I never watched it when it was in actual production. I've only ever seen it in re-runs. It bores me. Much like "Night Court" does now. I loved it when it was on the air, but it's not so interesting now.

Friends - Over-ray-ted

As NBC enters its 97th straight hour of preparing for the last episode of Friends, let me weigh in with an uncomfortable fact:

Friends was never that good.

I'm not saying it was bad, but it never rose to the level of Seinfeld, the Simpsons, or even Married with Children (which is one of the most underrated sitcoms of all time).

Friends is the Night Court of the 90s/early 00s. Good at the time, but not transcedent.

I will revise my opinion of Friends somewhat if the final episode includes Rachel leaving for Paris without Ross, who is by and far the most annoying character on television today.

Is the NBA far behind?

By the way, the NBA as a product stinks. I admittedly have not followed it closely since the Bulls decided that they would emulate the Wizards model of crapitude, but back when I followed the NBA, I would often watch a non-Bulls game.

The NBA today is unwatchable. I blame Pat Riley, Stan Van Gundy, and NBC for showing all those Knicks-Heat games. Unwatchable.

And what's with the playoffs? I think that Heat-Hornets seven game series lasted three months. And here's the schedule for the first three Spurs-Lakers games - Sun. May 2, Wed. May 5, and Sun. May 9. Check out the first two games of the Timberwolves-Kings series - Tues. May 4 and Saturday, May 8!

Ridonkulous.

NHL - Not Here Long League

Check out the NHL's Stanley Cup semifinalists this year - Calgary, San Jose, Tampa Bay, and Philadelphia. That's all of one major media market and one established hockey city.

The NHL is fast on its way to joining boxing and horse racing as irrelevant sports in our culture. I'm pretty sure I speak for 99.7% of Americans who rarely if ever follow hockey that the league's possible shutdown for next year is not of concern. I'll fill the void.

Worlds Colliding

I work with a fellow by the name of James. When I first saw him, I nearly blurted out, "Close??" Imagine Chris Close at 35, standing 5'8" and a programmer. No, really. He even has similar mannerisms when frustrated. (Not that I've ever seen Close frustrated...)

It makes me a bit uncomfortable working with the guy, because I keep wanting to ask how the 9th district is doing.

Ah, The Intern....

Ah, the Intern...when last we met, it was September of '99. I was in Boston for the last Red Sox home game of the year. Had an extra ticket, called the Intern (don't recall why I still had his #), said, "Hey, wanna see the Sox?"

45 minutes later, we were munchin' dogs, drinkin brews, watchin' Pedro K 12 Orioles, including Albert Belle 4 times. It was beautiful. At game's end, he gave a nod and disappeared into the thick steam emanating from the sausage vending carts. I never saw him again.........

Working at Commerce, huh? Perhaps we should all get together for lunch some time.