There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and the Chicago Cubs.
The Chicago Cubs spends their Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and
Old Styles.
Chicago Cubs always have sex on the first date. Always.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures the Chicago Cubs allow to live.
When the Chicago Cubs go to donate blood, they decline the syringe, and instead request a handgun and a bucket.
The Chicago Cubs once walked down the street with massive erections. There were no survivors.
The Chicago Cubs have two speeds: walk and kill.
The Chicago Cubs are the only men to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
As Chicago Cubs are born, the nurse says, "Holy crap! That's a Chicago Cub!" Then she has sex with him. At that point, she will be the third girl he has slept with.
Chicago Cubs can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
It takes the Chicago Cubs 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
The Chicago Cubs are not lactose intolerant, they just refuse to put up with lactose's shit.
The Chicago Cubs can divide by zero.
When the Chicago Cubs do pushups, they aren't lifting themselves up, they're pushing the Earth down.
The Chicago Cubs can piss into gale force winds.
The Chicago Cubs do not teabag the ladies. They potato-sack them.
The Chicago Cubs once bet NASA they could survive re-entry without spacesuits. On September 29, 1998, the Chicago Cubs re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes the Chicago Cubs a beer.
The Chicago Cubs doesn't shave; they kick themselves in the face. The only thing that can cut the Chicago Cubs is the Chicago Cubs.
The Chicago Cubs do not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. The Chicago Cubs go killing.
Bullets dodge the Chicago Cubs.
The Chicago Cubs' bobblehead dolls have slept with more women then most men.
The Chicago Cubs recently had the idea to sell their urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
3 comments:
Last I checked, the Cubs were down 1-0 to the fraudulent Diamondbacks. This would seem to put them in the category of people who suck. In which case, there is only one kind of people.....not counting Red Sox. 1 win down, 10 to go, baby!
Fraudulent? Dude, the Diamondbacks have been consistent throughout the second half of the season. That series is going 5 games, easy.
Actually, I think he confused the Cubs with Chuck Norris. Understandable, when you live in a place that gets as cold as it does up there.
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